HOW TO QUALIFY AS A LIBERAL"

1. You must believe that, in the US, the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You must believe that the same teacher who cannot teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You must believe that guns in the hands of law abiding Americans are more of a threat, than US nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese & North Koreans.

4. You must believe that there were no "arts" before federal funding.

5. You must believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical & documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.

6. You must believe that welfare has not created generations of fatherless families.

7. You must be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

8. You must believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You must believe that hunters do not care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You must believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You must believe that the military start wars, not corrupt politicians.

12. You must believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the US Constitution, and the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the US Constitution.

13. You must believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You must believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

15. You must believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas are not.

16. You must believe that Hillary Clinton is quite normal and really a very nice person.

17. You must believe that the only reason socialism has not worked anywhere in this world is because the right people have not been in charge.

18. You must believe conservatives telling the truth belonged in jail, but a liar and sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You must believe that pornography should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You must believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interests of the United States.

21. You must believe that this letter is part of a vast right wing conspiracy.