|
printable version
- js reader version
- view hidden posts
- tags and related articles
View article without comments
by some dickshit
Wednesday, Feb. 20, 2002 at 4:07 PM
.com
ok, this will b less than 6 lines.
duration is as long as the piece is red.
error WASHINGTON, Feb. 12 - Kenneth L. Lay, the former chairman of Enron, asserted his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination today regarding his role in the largest corporate bankruptcy case in American history, but in the largely unreported "closed session" of his appearance before the Senate Commerce Committee, Lay was forced to admit his craven character in degrading and, most thought, appropriate fashion.
After the first hour of opening statements in which Senators lambasted Lay, Senator John McCain (R-Arizona) surprised the assembly by producing a dusky tome of Parliamentary rules "last used in these hallowed halls" according to McCain "during the Pinkerington's Privy scandal of 1848." According to the rules, stipulated to by Mr. Lay's attorney, Philip Hilder, the "ranking minority member of the investigating committee" can abrogate the Fifth Amendment rights of a witness "within specific and proscribed parameters if their crimes are of an odious nature, and their character of lowly ilk." The committee ruled unanimously that Mr. Lay's crimes and character met the conditions established by Parliamentary procedure.
The "specific and proscribed parameters" indicate that while the witness is not required to "speak" against himself, he is required to "indicate acceptance of truthfulness, thereof" by raising his right hand as required by questioning. Thereafter followed the most humorous and revealing exchange of day.
Senator McCain, ranking Republican on the Commerce Committee, began playing a rather sophomoric game of "Hands up!" with Mr. Lay. The Questioning went as follows:
McCain: "Hands up! Who's the asshole?"
Mr. Lay, after consultation with his lawyer, was obliged to indicate himself by a raising of his right hand. "Hand up! Who's a self-serving prick?" asked Senator McCain. "Hands Up! Who's an avaricious, erudite corporate schmuck?"
After each question, Mr. Lay consulted with his attorney, and then reluctantly raised his right hand. [See picture, here: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/020212/161/13k9e.html ]
Upon further questioning it was revealed, by hand-raising assent, that Mr. Lay was "a feckless liar," a "bastard who willingly made millions as his lesser employees ate dirt," and an "incarnate argument for sterilization of the wealthy."
A point of contention was raised when Senator McCain proffered the challenge "Hands Up! Who Sucks Satan's cock?"
Mr. Lay, looking haggard and somewhat bored, again cupped the microphone and consulted with Mr. Hilder, who then asked for a ruling from the Committee Chair as to the definition of "Satan's Cock." Chairman of the Commerce Committee, Ernest Hollings, appearing mildly titillated by the question, responded in his signature drawl, "We all know the stain of Satan, and we all have been awoke by the crowing of the cock, but it might be best to leave these definitions to a higher court than the one here assembled."
Laughter pervaded the hearing room, and even Mr. Lay was seen to crack a smile.
Senator McCain's time then expired and soon thereafter questioning resumed
per standard rules. Mr. Lay returned to his Fifth Amendment defense.
____________________________
The Hangdoggerel is published for promotional and self-aggrandizing purposes
Report this post as:
by unknowdn
Wednesday, Feb. 20, 2002 at 4:12 PM
it sux if kenny boy is the only one to fall for all those bastards money games.... hello Carlyle Investments!!
Report this post as:
|