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by some dickshit Wednesday, Feb. 20, 2002 at 4:07 PM

ok, this will b less than 6 lines. duration is as long as the piece is red.

error WASHINGTON, Feb. 12 - Kenneth L. Lay, the former chairman of Enron,
his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination today regarding his
role in the largest corporate bankruptcy case in American history, but in
the largely unreported "closed session" of his appearance before the Senate
Commerce Committee, Lay was forced to admit his craven character in
degrading and, most thought, appropriate fashion.

After the first hour of opening statements in which Senators lambasted Lay,
Senator John McCain (R-Arizona) surprised the assembly by producing a
tome of Parliamentary rules "last used in these hallowed halls" according to
McCain "during the Pinkerington's Privy scandal of 1848." According to the
rules, stipulated to by Mr. Lay's attorney, Philip Hilder, the "ranking
minority member of the investigating committee" can abrogate the Fifth
Amendment rights of a witness "within specific and proscribed parameters if
their crimes are of an odious nature, and their character of lowly ilk."
The committee ruled unanimously that Mr. Lay's crimes and character met
conditions established by Parliamentary procedure.

The "specific and proscribed parameters" indicate that while the witness is
not required to "speak" against himself, he is required to "indicate
acceptance of truthfulness, thereof" by raising his right hand as required
by questioning. Thereafter followed the most humorous and revealing
of day.

Senator McCain, ranking Republican on the Commerce Committee, began
a rather sophomoric game of "Hands up!" with Mr. Lay. The Questioning
as follows:

McCain: "Hands up! Who's the asshole?"

Mr. Lay, after consultation with his lawyer, was obliged to indicate himself
by a raising of his right hand. "Hand up! Who's a self-serving prick?" asked
Senator McCain. "Hands Up! Who's an avaricious, erudite corporate

After each question, Mr. Lay consulted with his attorney, and then
reluctantly raised his right hand. [See picture, here:

Upon further questioning it was revealed, by hand-raising assent, that Mr.
Lay was "a feckless liar," a "bastard who willingly made millions as his
lesser employees ate dirt," and an "incarnate argument for sterilization of
the wealthy."

A point of contention was raised when Senator McCain proffered the
"Hands Up! Who Sucks Satan's cock?"

Mr. Lay, looking haggard and somewhat bored, again cupped the
microphone and
consulted with Mr. Hilder, who then asked for a ruling from the Committee
Chair as to the definition of "Satan's Cock." Chairman of the Commerce
Committee, Ernest Hollings, appearing mildly titillated by the question,
responded in his signature drawl, "We all know the stain of Satan, and we
all have been awoke by the crowing of the cock, but it might be best to
leave these definitions to a higher court than the one here assembled."

Laughter pervaded the hearing room, and even Mr. Lay was seen to crack a

Senator McCain's time then expired and soon thereafter questioning resumed

per standard rules. Mr. Lay returned to his Fifth Amendment defense.


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of course, unknowdn Wednesday, Feb. 20, 2002 at 4:12 PM
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