On legacy php5 environment...
imc indymedia

Los Angeles Indymedia : Activist News

white themeblack themered themetheme help
About Us Contact Us Calendar Publish RSS
latest news
best of news




A-Infos Radio

Indymedia On Air

Dope-X-Resistance-LA List


IMC Network:

Original Cities

www.indymedia.org africa: ambazonia canarias estrecho / madiaq kenya nigeria south africa canada: hamilton london, ontario maritimes montreal ontario ottawa quebec thunder bay vancouver victoria windsor winnipeg east asia: burma jakarta japan korea manila qc europe: abruzzo alacant andorra antwerpen armenia athens austria barcelona belarus belgium belgrade bristol brussels bulgaria calabria croatia cyprus emilia-romagna estrecho / madiaq euskal herria galiza germany grenoble hungary ireland istanbul italy la plana liege liguria lille linksunten lombardia london madrid malta marseille nantes napoli netherlands nice northern england norway oost-vlaanderen paris/Île-de-france patras piemonte poland portugal roma romania russia saint-petersburg scotland sverige switzerland thessaloniki torun toscana toulouse ukraine united kingdom valencia latin america: argentina bolivia chiapas chile chile sur cmi brasil colombia ecuador mexico peru puerto rico qollasuyu rosario santiago tijuana uruguay valparaiso venezuela venezuela oceania: adelaide aotearoa brisbane burma darwin jakarta manila melbourne perth qc sydney south asia: india mumbai united states: arizona arkansas asheville atlanta austin baltimore big muddy binghamton boston buffalo charlottesville chicago cleveland colorado columbus dc hawaii houston hudson mohawk kansas city la madison maine miami michigan milwaukee minneapolis/st. paul new hampshire new jersey new mexico new orleans north carolina north texas nyc oklahoma philadelphia pittsburgh portland richmond rochester rogue valley saint louis san diego san francisco san francisco bay area santa barbara santa cruz, ca sarasota seattle tampa bay tennessee urbana-champaign vermont western mass worcester west asia: armenia beirut israel palestine process: fbi/legal updates mailing lists process & imc docs tech volunteer projects: print radio satellite tv video regions: oceania united states topics: biotech

Surviving Cities

www.indymedia.org africa: canada: quebec east asia: japan europe: athens barcelona belgium bristol brussels cyprus germany grenoble ireland istanbul lille linksunten nantes netherlands norway portugal united kingdom latin america: argentina cmi brasil rosario oceania: aotearoa united states: austin big muddy binghamton boston chicago columbus la michigan nyc portland rochester saint louis san diego san francisco bay area santa cruz, ca tennessee urbana-champaign worcester west asia: palestine process: fbi/legal updates process & imc docs projects: radio satellite tv
printable version - js reader version - view hidden posts - tags and related articles

View article without comments

Biotech Company Adapts Acne Pus to Relieve Arthritis and Hemorrhoid Pain

by Grimly Fiendish Saturday, Jun. 23, 2001 at 4:29 AM

Elmira, PA -- Researchers at Novagen have successfully spliced a gene that produces the natural analgesic morphine into human sebaceous glands.

Biotech Company Adapts Acne Pus to Relieve Arthritis and Hemorrhoid Pain

Elmira, PA -- Researchers at Novagen have successfully spliced a gene that produces the natural analgesic morphine into human sebaceous glands. The gene, which is extracted from the hosts own DNA, is passed on through the mother, so subsequent generations will benefit from this modification.

"Hold the zit cream," laughs Wayne Ferrar, chief scientist in charge of the new human organism, dubbed AcneGesic. In fifteen years, teenagers might be laughing all the way to the bank. The pus bank, that is, where thousands of teens are expected to undergo pus extraction, to "mine" their faces and backs for valuable morphine filled pimples.

Parents are happy too, like Loretta Goodson who said she'd undergo gene therapy so that her kids "would have a way to pay for college." The advertising campaign for AcneGesic also touts the fact that AcneGesic toddlers are less likely to be hyperactive. "They sleep a lot more," explained Ferrar.

Not everyone is happy, though. Earlier this week, a protest group named Coalition For A Drug Free Pimple picketed the headquarters of Novagen. One protester who declined to be identified asked "dude, morphine is hella cheap this month, and who the hell is going to rub their asshole with a kid's nose cheese? Come on."

Novagen had no comment about the protest.

Report this post as:

Way Cool

by Jesse Saturday, Jun. 23, 2001 at 9:27 PM

I heard that Novagen is the same company that paid like, ten million dollars to lobby for that new law that puts more blacks and mexicans in jail so they can use them for cheap labor.

Pretty soon they'll imprint scanners in our asses or some shit...

The future is so lame.


Report this post as:

© 2000-2018 Los Angeles Independent Media Center. Unless otherwise stated by the author, all content is free for non-commercial reuse, reprint, and rebroadcast, on the net and elsewhere. Opinions are those of the contributors and are not necessarily endorsed by the Los Angeles Independent Media Center. Running sf-active v0.9.4 Disclaimer | Privacy