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by Fábio de Oliveira Ribeiro Saturday, Oct. 20, 2012 at 1:58 PM

The Americans contend, other people laugh.

obama_x_romney.jpg, image/jpeg, 299x169

Every day this week the nightly news emphasized the tie between Romney and Obama. The tone is used for anxiety and mild concern. It seems like the world will end if the Americans can not decide if the new inhabitant of the White House (white on the outside and bloody inside) will be black who won a Nobel Peace Prize for playing two wars and prepare another (against Iran) or be white racist who would play many wars without bothering to get any kind of award.

The tie between the two candidates for USA president and the Brazilian press coverage of the American show just makes me laugh. Yet I admit that it is necessary to find a criterion to break the tie. This is where my brain cells begin to defecate.

The criterion can not be money and color, as the two candidates do not have the same racial and economic status. Sex also can not be the criterion, because both have male voters, women and gays (gay Republicans are disguised as men). Any of these items only deepen the dispute and tie. They should therefore be discarded.

The greater or lesser commitment to USA imperialism nor the tie-breaker race between Obama and Romney. None of them said he plans to reduce military spending and permanently close the cycle of American wars. Both admit one way or another that the USA grow very well when they do harm to other people to move their war industry, threaten competitors and loot minerals that Americans desired (especially oil).

The Americans are very fond of science. So science can free them from this tie.

If we consider the popular saying that "every politician has done shit" shit emerges as a natural criterion to end a contest between politicians.

Size, color, consistency, width, composition and odor of shit says a lot about its producer. The detailed and scientific analysis these items allows stakeholders in the tiebreaker find out what each of the political ate, drank, sniffed, applied in the veins, smoked and eventually stuck in the anus (remember, the brother of Fernando Collor said Brazilian President stuck cocaine in anus and this was considered very important by the Brazilian press at the time).

Who would vote for Obama having to go to the bathroom after him? Who would help Romney to wipe his white ass after he gives a shit? These are important questions whose answer can tie the USA election if all the "shit objective factors" involved in the dispute (size, color, consistency, width, composition and smell) are properly measured and known for Americans.

If the shit being analyzed is harvested near the anus of Romney and Obama some other things can be judged by scientists. Which one has the most ass off? Which one has the biggest anal barb? The butt of Obama and Romney was clean at the time of shit collection? How long will Obama and Romney lead to defecate? There are traces of semen on the edge of their ass?

Democracy is above all freedom of expression. So that shit both candidates can speak and who wins the best (or worst).
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