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Mankind's Salvation

by Sheepdog Friday, Aug. 18, 2006 at 6:31 PM

Think of a few seeds, the size of a pin head, being able to grow in a bucket of rocks, using only water and sunlight together with the minerals in the rock to produce for you fine, savory, tender quality steaks, nutritious celery, cabbage, lettuce and avocado all from the same fast growing tree? Table quality vegetables and delicious, tender, ready to fry, broil or bake, Vmeate steaks for your family and all from a hardy, beautiful, growing tree!

Mankind's Salvation...
index_triffid.jpg, image/jpeg, 150x250

An answer.

This result of genetic architecture, is a true miracle of advanced biomechanical assembly and a bright new hope for mankind in its current despair.



We here at Monsanto and BASF have teamed up to bring you the most remarkable product, ever created; culminating decades of R & D to bring to you a miracle.

It represents the newest greatest hope to the end to the scourges of mankind. Hunger, illness and insecurity.

Due to its beautiful and functional blossom, we have named it after the glorius nebula the Tridid nebula.

Triffids.

The mash from this product’s foliage can be used to feed live stock while the oils derived from its plentiful seed production can be used as fuel, lubricants and solvents.

We have engineered this unique organism to be able to exist in freezing extremes and drought conditions and together with the ability to feed from decaying organic matter that may be present, we gave it the ability to mobilize, seeking sources of water and nutrients while bestowing it the ability to better adapt to its immediate environment, as it can actually move on its own! Think of your Triffid crop clicking their roots as they slowly migrate to the more favorable areas of your property waving their glorious blossoms and graceful ribbon like leaves as they search for moisture or organic garbage that may be laying around, to utilize in order to serve your family. It has the ability to defend itself by adapting its morphology to compensate for physical challenges like insect perdition and animal foraging, producing, at the stimulas of repeated stress, naturally occuring insecticides, thorns or other physical adaptations to assist its survival as a food chest and friend.

There’s more. Due to the growing outbreaks of plagues and the need to respond to bio-terrorism, we are very proud to announce that we have incorporated a genetic package modeled from the human endo-reticular system that will produce antibodies, antibiotics, catabolic steroids and vitamins, to say nothing of mood enhancers, endorphins and MAO buffers, for that occasional touch of anxiety, confusion or depression, this constantly changing world can produce, directly from introduced personel organic samples which would be paired from a nominal health template receptor array to provide medications for a vast array of illnesses.

This all functional product actually recognizes your health and mood level while it automatically generates pharmaceuticals to bring the customer ‘back into the sunlight’ of heath and happiness.

You asked for an answer and we apologize that it took so long. Our research scientists were striving to achieve a final solution to the shrinking food and water supply of the entire human race.

Looking for a method of dealing with newer and more insidious menaces our bountiful society now beset upon by a darkening world of terrorism and faltering essencials, that we face from those who would hurt us as they covet what we still have and hold so dear.

We can offer freedom and security from these scourges for the very the little cost but extraordinary value of these genetically constructed wonders.

Speaking of security, do you ever worry about your children? Your marriage partners? Your pets and property?

These beautiful trees have still other uses.

You can unlock your doors and take the bars off of the windows.

Heck, you can pull down your security parameter and see your neighbors - to be able to waive to them again.

Forget the elaborate and expensive police protection patrols, electronic security systems, guard dogs and guard agencies. Let the view of your community come back with all the sights that were walled out before.

A few Triffids chained near the avenues of access like doors and windows usually keeps away unwanted visitors while instilling a forceful reminder about observing curfew to your teenage youth.

And their crosstalk, a mellow knocking of their hollow root heads, is a pleasant background sound.

Like delightful wind chimes, found to actually encourage restful sleep as they ‘talk’ to each other!

We really couldn’t think of anything else to load into this until now, unscalable but finally reached summit of scientific human progress.

So, here it is.

This is the one product we will place for the entire future of our companies and you, the human race.

We needed to make sure we could give the world something wonderful. And perfect. Please forgive the wait.

warning: read disclaimer about pruning before purchase.



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LATEST COMMENTS ABOUT THIS ARTICLE
Listed below are the 10 latest comments of 3 posted about this article.
These comments are anonymously submitted by the website visitors.
TITLE AUTHOR DATE
thank's, you dickweeds Sheepdog Friday, Aug. 18, 2006 at 6:34 PM
retraction/clarifacation Sheepdog Friday, Aug. 18, 2006 at 6:37 PM
lemme scratch your tummy Ah, sheepdog Friday, Aug. 18, 2006 at 7:16 PM

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