The G8 conference - a simple primer
Make Poverty History
According to capitalist economists from places like Harvard and Yale, the ideal unemployment rate for America is somewhere between 4 and 6 percent. If the targeted rate goes below this limit, say, the unemployment rate drops to 3 per cent, and your ideal was 4 percent, then an announcement will come out of the Federal Reserve Board that the economy is, to quote the slang lingo, ‘overheating' and that, therefore there are concerns about ‘inflation.'
Now you might think that the ideal unemployment rate for any civilized society might be, say, zero percent. To most people, being decent sorts using their ordinary common sense that would seem like a wonderful idea. But it wouldn't seem like a wonderful idea to a capitalist. For you see, as soon as that poverty rate hit zero percent that capitalist would be in a hell of a fix, since you see you cannot have capitalist unless you have workers, and a capitalist without workers is no capitalist at all, just a ruined bankrupt ex-capitalist. Well to avoid becoming a worker as well that capitalist is going to have to start attracting some workers, which is where the trouble for that old capitalist starts. For in order to attract some workers, that capitalist is going to have to attract some workers, which all of sudden won't be easy. If only that capitalist could find some desperation and some fear or anxiety or want things would be so much easier, that capitalist having no trouble attracting some workers, but with there being zero percent unemployment and no more poverty or desperation, suddenly instead of desperate workers or desperate wannabe workers you have a desperate capitalist.
In order to have a worker, and thus continue to be a capitalist, that capitalist will have throw out all the old menus, hire a new chef, and print up totally new menus, a big expense right there, and, as everyone knows there is nothing that a capitalist hates more than an expense, even a small one, never mind a big one. A worker will then come into that restaurant, and pick up that menu, while that capitalist, now dressed up in an apron and with one of those writing pads for taking orders scurries over the table to play the waiter, a bit of a role reversal that a capitalist just will not like, I can assure you. Well on that menu there will be dental plans, every known form of health care, perhaps two months of vacations, and who knows what else, and so then that worker would have to check out the menu, maybe place an order, or then again maybe not, you know, just depending on what kind of joint that capitalist is running there, how well prepared the food is, the atmosphere, the lighting, well you just never know what might rub a worker the wrong and cause them to decide to check out the place down the block, and another, and another, taking some time, relaxing looking for something which is just perfect.
Well that Capitalist will have to pretend to be nice, even though, being a capitalist that would involve pretending, especially when that capitalist gets that extra large order from some worker, you know, with a really big entree and three or four deserts. Will that Capitalist ever be mad. Oh you better believe it. While capitalist might pretend to just love religion and give big time promotion to the religious right in the hopes that maybe something that disgusting might actually catch on again and hang fire, thus saving the day, once that capitalist gets through those swinging doors and back into that kitchen that love of religion will go right into the crapper as that thoroughly pissed off capitalist just turns the air blue, cussing up a storm because of that "f*****g dental plan and that g*****n six months of paid maternity leave for that collection of f*****g c*********s." You better believe that right away that capitalist will start scheming and plotting the counter attack so as to make a big come back, to make up for that time when all of humanity made that terrible error and decided to make poverty history.
Now with that having been said, and understanding as we do that just as you cannot have capitalists without workers, you can also not have capitalists without poverty, this realization might make someone scratch their heads and wonder why it would be the case that the media that was bought off and concentrated by that capitalist would be so heavily promoting making poverty history, because, really now, that would be the last thing on earth that capitalist would want to see happen. You see synonymous with making poverty history, is the slogan ‘make capitalists history', since it is the official policy of capitalists, and their minions in capitalists governments and agencies and institutions to make poverty permanent and thus keep capitalists until the end of history.
Should it be the case that some unfortunate progress might be made in making poverty history, it would be the role of Federal Reserve Boards and the World Bank and the IMF and various government agencies and departments to all join in unison, after some summit meeting or some other such joint strategy planning session, and coordinate their policies to make damn sure to make poverty come back again, and also reverse that poverty that went into history, thus making that reversal history instead of making poverty history, for obvious reasons.
Clearly this brings us to consider the matter of the activist struggle. What I am referring to here is that see saw back and forth between strong activism, then defeatism, misery and grief, followed by burn out, and then perhaps a sabbatical, followed by a trip to an ashram to get spiritual sustenance from a swami or perhaps a guru, thus getting back all that lost spiritual energy that was sucked out like blood by some vampire bat during that struggle to make poverty history, or, failing that, perhaps make poverty liveable, or failing that to make one sandwich a day available, or failing that to make the latest outbreak of horror and famine go away, which will also take months and months of awareness raising, and then the whole thing starts over again, since, you see, that visit to the swami is a vital component in the life of any true activist under capitalism. It always will be, until activists change and decide to make capitalists history, which would mean finally at long last choosing an achievable goal, as well as uniting every single person fighting for every single cause under one giant banner, since making capitalists go away will also make all those one million and one other causes and campaigns go away at the same time, since they are all caused by capitalists given the fact that they are actually the official policies of capitalists, the official policies of the capitalists then becoming the myriad of campaigning issues for activists.
I remember once over hearing the following piece of wisdom from Democratic party type activists, who said that you need to just pick one or two small battles and make those your goal, because you know there are so many issues, and you are just one person, and just trying to get those one or two selected small goals done would be a lifetime job, or even longer, since we know, from activist history that our ancestors also fought those same battles centuries ago, and the battle still continues today, which is not, by the way, part of our glorious history of struggle, unless you want to think about it as part of the growing up experience of human beings, in which case that see saw battle over the same old same old generation after generation with some capitalist could at the end of it all prove to have some nobility to it after all. Until then it is protest and prozac for activists, as such things as the very last tree older than 40 years gets logged for the very last time, falling down and crushing to death the very last spotted owl, ending the long history of that owl's family so that some capitalist could sell that extra big log, before moving on and out the country to completely log the amazon in exactly the same way as well as doing lots of other things to the planet which are equally stupid and destructive in order to make that one more profit which, as far as the capitalists are concerned, is why planets were created, thus to evolve capitalists as the peak of evolutionary development in that great Social Darwinist struggle for the survival of the fittest..
So you can see how that Federal Reserve Board would be concerned about an overheated competition among capitalists for workers, leading to an inflation of the demands of those workers, leading directly to a deflation in that capitalists net value. Just as you only raise salt water fish in a salt water aquarium, and fresh water fish in fresh water, so you can only raise vibrant and healthy capitalists in a sea of poverty and desperation, while healthy and vibrant ordinary people do not thrive in that kind of water preferring the fresh water instead. However capitalists will get sickly and then roll over like dead fish if put in fresh water, and for this reason the Federal Reserve is on hand, always ready, at a moment's notice to throw salt in the water, which causes millions of ordinary people to roll over and die instead, while creating that kind of healthy environment that causes otherwise sickly dying capitalists to recover both their health and their wealth, and making those now vibrant and healthy capitalists clap their hands like happy little seals or to jump like dolphins.
Black Civil Rights
As you know there is perpetually it would seem, a campaign on the go to make black people completely equal to white people in all the areas of civil rights. This leads me to ask why anyone would want to do something so damn cruel to black Americans, as to set the goal of making them equal to white Americans, which would be a hell of a bad goal for anyone to set as the end destination for some activist campaign. You see, while the official ideal homeless and malnourishment rate for Americans is somewhere between 4 and 6 percent, depending on whether or not you ask around at Harvard or Yale, it is well known by everyone that through various forms of higgery jiggery and hokery pokery the rate of enforced malnourishment can be kept low enough to be still quite shocking but not as shocking as it would be if people actually found out how high it really is when that hocus pocus is put aside. For example if someone is unemployed, but not looking for work right now, having given up after realizing that there is no work, since there is no way that a capitalist was going to have that many jobs available and thus wind up waiting tables for a living, well in that case that ex-worker can be dropped off the number, which is convenient for the reporting system, since while that person is still unemployed they don't have to be counted thus jacking the rate up sky high and causing people to wonder just what the hell is wrong with the system. So then due to such combinations of abracadabra (now you see it now you don't) it turns out that the actual rate of want and need among Americans is much higher, somewhere between 15 and 20 percent. Apparently capitalist want to report 4 to 6 percent, which still is really bad because it means that there are millions of people in dire straight, but capitalists actually want and need something closer to 15 or 20 percent to create the right atmosphere of fearful anxiety in the country which is required if a country is going to be a capitalist country.
So then to promote black equality would mean subjecting black Americans to the depredations of so called Black Capitalism, one of the damn worst ideas ever to come along, as well as plunging 15 to 20 percent of black Americans into the most dire misery and want, which hardly seems like a goal for civil rights to me. But then when you consider that due to the extra element of capitalist racism black people are currently at up to a sixty percent utter desperation rate, I suppose dropping all the way down to 20 percent could be considered something of an improvement. Well, that is if you are lucky enough to have the kind of sharp elbows that would allow you to just ram other black people in the ribs and get to the front of that line, at least making it in at around the 39 percent mark, so that you don't wind up getting the shaft with that other 20 percent. Such conduct is one of the products of capitalism, so you wouldn't be the only one turning to attack each other and feuding for a that shrinking pie, which is good, from the capitalist point of view, because at least you are tearing each other down, instead of tearing down some capitalist.
As for that terrible racism, this is also bred by the capitalists, since it is required if the third world and its black and brown people are going to be perpetually raped and robbed blind, and subjected to massacres and attacks and endless assaults, like they have been now for centuries. The whole sorry mess that then results must be explained, and it can be explained either by blaming it on some capitalist, or by employing racist ideology to twist and distort the plain and simple truth, which would only be the selected option if you happened to be that capitalist. Since capitalists rule the world, it then becomes the case that training in racism is also part of the on the job curriculum, this task being handled by the media and various deviants hired as lying talking heads, who will then talk up that theme of corrupted third worlders with their ignorant backwards societies as well as deviously promoting the myth that some struggle for development and growth is going on there, this being the struggle against the greatest obstacles, the odds being stacked against it after all. An average American being a gullible sort and thus subject to the Hitler technique of the great lie, since no American would ever believe that someone could ,lie so atrociously, will then take in that constant vomit stream of disguised racism, developing racism, thus leaving capitalists to plunder the third world while pundits blame it all the third world. Yes it can be blamed on them for being inept, backwards, ignorant, corrupt savage barbarians who also just cannot learn good governance and sound economics, which, owing to concern for humanity, is why such capitalists institutions as the World Bank and the IMF are always found to be patiently, so patiently trying to tutor the barbarians, and why the poor countries of the world are given supreme shit by the G8 at the G8 summits, so that average Americans, while they might be confused by the lingo and the mumbo jumbo terms, can still grasp that basic concept that what we have here is a difficult and stubborn third world, since average Americans cannot grasp the concept of Hitler's big lie, and thus get tricked over and over again, winding up brainwashed, with their heads filled with every imaginable form of stupid nonsense that they picked up from elected officials or from experts from Harvard or Pundits from Yale..
So then you can also see that should anyone decide to adopt the slogan ‘make racism history' that would also be a pointless exercise in futility under capitalism, another reason to grab for the prozac, although a capitalist would allow that campaign to go through as a bit of window dressing for ‘democracy', just so long as that was all it was, just another one of those window dressing operations with a nice slogan that is going nowhere. This simple truth is something which that capitalist already knows, which is why it was so heavily promoted before being shelved.
There is something that has been festering like a boil on my ass for a long time now, a boil that just demands to be lanced so that finally, at long long last I can sit down without having to sit on some festering boil on my ass. It has to do with that whole business of the Magna Carta, and the history after that, all that business about how there is no one, that is right, no one, no matter who they are, or who they might think they are, who is above the law. So then, as a result of those historical developments, you could, in theory at least, prosecute even a King, although in actual practice, given that elitism was in force, you could only prosecute that King if some group of elites, for reasons of their own, such as perhaps a convoluted plot to gain the throne, or to shut up some peasants and buy some time until things calmed down, then decided that they, the rest of the elites, wanted that King prosecuted and thus decided to apply the law that one time in the name of justice and humanity.
Now after that maniac Hitler went on a rampage during the second world war, because he was complaining, if you read the actual full text of his beer hall speeches for example, about how Germany did not have colonies having lost out somehow on that deal of doing Imperialist domination and exploitation of what then became the third world countries (due to being robbed blind). Hell, even the Dutch and the Portuguese elitists had colonies they could suck dry like a collection of vampire bats, and a great big country like Germany, with no Imperialist colonies. Well it just pissed Hitler off big time, and so as he said at the time, therefore, since Germany could not now get colonies, since at the time the whole entire world had already been carved up like a cake by all the European Elites, Germany would have to make colonies out of Russia and her Satellite states, since those were still available.
Well what followed was the barbarism and infighting between the great imperialist elites of Europe, which then sucked into its puckering maw the elitists of America as well. After those elitists finished their wholesale slaughtering of humanity just one more time as they struggled over real estate and the rights to world domination or at the very least world carving up, the rest of the public, who were normal people, and thus thoroughly disgusted and appalled by what just happened caused it to come to pass that war crimes laws were passed, even though those war crimes laws would prove to be damned inconvenient for elitism, should they ever actually be enforced, rather than just written down to shut up and calm down the hoi polloi.
The greatest of all war crimes, it was declared, was the war of sacking, looting, and plundering. If from that time forward, any group of elitists in the world got the idea into their heads to invade another country and start robbing them of their assets and riches, that would become a criminal offense, and subject to war crimes trials. Included among the war crimes laws of humanity, as they developed over time, and as they, technically at least, still exist today on paper somewhere, is the law which forbids any invader country from in any way changing or altering the laws or statutes of an invaded country or from taking any of their property and so on.
Now I am no idiot. I know that such concepts as ‘the law' or ‘international war crimes' means absolutely nothing to the elitists of the world, since those laws were passed because of the normal every day people of the world demanding that they be passed so that, in theory anyways, this was supposed to stop those crafty elitist aristocrats from invading any more countries or doing revolting things like conquering the world and bleeding those countries white. No law should be required to prevent such behavior, really, but it was judged necessary since the world had elitist capitalists in it, so therefore it was required as a reform of capitalism and capitalists to bring in war crimes law, and thus solve that problem once and for all and bring it to an end forever and ever. Furthermore, according to the constitution of the United States of America, all international laws and treaties, once signed by the government of the United States of America then become as though they were domestic laws, and from that day forward are also the laws of the United States of America. Which means that the Nuremberg War Crimes Laws, and the Geneva Convention laws, and all the rest of those war crimes laws are the laws of the United States of America, and if even so much as one American, or even one American elitist, os some Capitalist somewhere, or some politician somewhere were to break those laws they would instantly become American criminals subject to prosecution, assuming that anyone could find a judge in America to actually prosecute the crimes on the books, which is a far fetched idea, and explains why that doesn't happen, and judges just prosecute blacks and any ‘lower class' whites they can easily persecute, while sending rich white capitalists to Club Med for a short time to teach them a lesson as well, from time to time, when it is not just possible to let their crimes go unnoticed and unpunished.
Which brings us to Paul Bremer, who should be serving a life sentence in at the very least Club Med or perhaps better yet, Sing Sing or Alcatraz, if those things are still open, which would be better, for it would give the American aristocrats a chance to enjoy their own gulags for a change, instead of getting off easy by being given a vacation in Club Med so they don't have to mix with the hired help.
For those of you who don't know, Paul was appointed by the Bush administration to go over to Iraq and be the one man dictatorship of Iraq until a puppet regime could be installed through rigged elections. I say rigged elections, since one way to rig an election is to control who gets to run, making sure to get puppets that way, and when people are expected to vote, without even knowing who was running, the identity of the candidates remaining a closely guarded secret right up to the ‘election', well in the end the whole thing does wind up being just some rigged up job that results in the election of puppets who then, much to everyone's surprise, proceed to do exactly what Washington wants done, the main task being to sign some official looking document, under the authority of being ‘the new legitimate government of Iraq' which officially transfers all of Iraq's oil wealth into the hands of American robber barons, leaving Iraq flat broke and a third world type country until they end of time (since that is how countries joined the ranks of the so called ‘third world' in the first place, during the age of the systematic development of capitalist imperalism and its brutal wars of global conquest, this blood sucking operation of what are now sadly referred to as the world's poor giving capitalists their first really big start in life on this planet, and continuing on to this very day).
Now you might recall, if you pay attention to such things, that Paul's job description included such things as imposing laws on Iraq, and also on passing laws privatizing all of Iraq's state owned industries and assets, and also included the first drafting of a constitution for Iraq wherein it states that the new puppets of Iraq can do anything they want except that they are barred from changing any of Paul Bremer's laws, statutes and decress, thus supposedly forcing them to cave into the demands of an as yet unprosecuted international war criminal, although, truth be told, those are puppets, and hardly need to be forced to do anything, in exchange, you understand, for a cut of the pie and a chance to become as rich as Ferdinand Marcos, or if not that rich, at least elitists millionaires, since it is the pattern that those third world dictators always leave office rich and retire off to Islands or perhaps the French Riviera or Hawaii which is where Marcos wound up with his 20 billion or so dollars.
So then Paul Bremer changed Iraq's laws, and even had the gall to change the constitution of Iraq, so that from now on you might call Paul Bremer the George Washington of Iraq, since till the end of time, or at least until the American aristocrats go down to stunning defeat in Iraq in the not to distant future, Iraq can only have new laws provided that they don't result in taking away Iraq's assets from the war criminal robber barons who might have snapped them up on the ‘free market' when they suddenly became available, probably for a song, because, after all, this is Iraq we are talking about here, and thus a place only suitable for the investment of your risk capital, which means real cheap, and thus, once the war is won, the Iraqis are crushed into submission, that means really extra big profits.
So what we know for sure that Iraq was one of those wars of plundering conquest, given how Bremer privatized Iraq, which is illegal, except for the oil, which was so damned obvious, they decided to leave that to the puppets to privatize once they became the official government of Iraq
The American Injustice System
Now I know, I know, I am talking about the obvious here. And it is obvious, and really that the Iraq war is about oil is so damned obvious do we really need to consult international law, and then check Iraq, confirm that yes, Iraq still has oil, and yes, a war crime is happening, and then having really confirmed it, carry on from there. I would suppose so, given how people are so damned used to putting up with capitalist judges in that capitalist injustice system, that the concept of being forced to strain out a gnat, the very very last gnat, before swallowing some camel has been drilled into the heads of people that even prosecuting such an obvious war crime would require lengthy investigations, the gathering of volumes of evidence, and huge activism, since, as we all know so very well, and no one needs me to tell them, it would be just impossible to prosecute the luxuriant rich and powerful, even, yes even, when they do the Hitler Gestapo thing on the planet, which, you would think, should be bad enough, but no, not even that is bad enough so that finally humanity could expect justice on such a rotted out corrupted ‘neo-liberalized' planet crawling with those capitalists as is the case with this one.
Which is pretty shocking when you stop to think about it, and a clear sign of just how utterly rotten and corrupt the whole odious system really is. Because if you can't prosecute Hitler, and you cannot even keep something as old as the Magna Carta going in some country, or if it takes years and years of brutally hard activist struggle to even begin to reach the day when maybe, just maybe, you might be able to prosecute Hitler in some country, while people demoralize you by reminding you all the time that you just can't do that and others won't even bother to help, convinced as they are that just can't take Hitler to court, well it doesn't say much for the courts of America.
There the judges can keep busy throwing the books at deliberately unemployed blacks, maybe ruthlessly condemning them to an eternity in the monstrous gulags of America, when they get caught the third time, thus proving what a criminal they really were, and so deserve to spend forever and ever in Siberia. There they will be surrounded by the notorious monstrousness of American prisons, which is also just world famous, but serves them right, giving them even extra punishment, and as everyone knows very well, this being equally famous and notorious, also training the ones who will be getting out in how to do more and better crimes.
Perhaps this is some self employment scam for American judges, which would be one way to try to explain such conduct. .
But oh please spare me, and please, oh please, I beg you, do not try to reform the court and for heavens sake please, please do not try to ‘save the supreme court' or anything else that will just suck out everyone's spiritual energy like some giant sized vampire bat. They are the capitalist judges under the capitalist system of America, and for that reason they must be unjust, and consequently there is nothing there to reform and nothing there than can be saved. As long as there are capitalist there will be that ideal rate of poverty in America, thus creating that brutalization that eventually after round after round of brutalization then becomes what will then be called ‘the criminal mind.' You know, the criminal mind, the type of mind that is plotting right now to break into your house perhaps, and if not yours, then the house of someone else, or perhaps think up someone to rob a bank or shoplift, or peddle smack and crack, or hot wire a car.
This is not to say that it might not be worth the time of day to try at least a few cosmetic reforms on the American criminal injustice system. For example you can ponder the fact that American judges are also among the nations most notorious serial killers, you know, along the lines of Ted Bundy, only even worse, given the much higher number of murders of their innocent victims judges commit, not to mention their constant attempts at attempted murder of the innocent,as shown by the large numbers of people rotting on death row at any given time. This is a rotten practice that they refuse to give up on, even though you can remind those judges that they are serial killing murderers of innocent Americans, and they will even be forced to acknowledge that fact, since it is so well documented, and even then they just refuse to stop, and, apparently do not lose sleep over it either. Being capitalist judges they have made their peace with capitalism and its injustices, or perhaps they have gone through that weird process that psychologists call ‘doubling' where you split in two like an Amoeba, with one person the criminal unjust judge and the other the normal family guy, switching those two personalities as you go on and off the job, which allows doubled people to go on with their lives in some sane way, while at the same time being real evil and doing wrong things and being part of some monstrously evil system of gross injustice. Have you seen many sleepy judges struggling on the bench, after weeks and months of no sleep, worrying about their endless serial murders or the injustice of America's enforced crime policy and so many of those criminals who are its innocent victims, crimes of the state and the powerful oppressing the weak and helpless which stretch back centuries, and which they just refuse to stop giving validity to by pretending to be judges when actually they are actors whose role is to perform with dignity so as to dignify what is contemptible, so that the contemptible can have some dignity as well.
What is really remarkable is how DNA evidence has revealed just how wide spread and extensive the murderous injustice of America's capitalist judges and capitalist governors and state legistlators really is...everyone knew about before, but even though that was world famous, I think people are still shocked and horrified to know just how many innocent people are murdered every year, and thus how many have been mass murdered by America's judges and politicians in their reign of terror over America, and of course, that brings to mind all the innocents who have had their lives destroyed but who then stayed alive in the gulags, not to mention all the innocent guilty people, who though they were guilty, were still innocent, for obvious reasons, and thus required first therapy, and then justice, which would then require that justice to be taken right out of the hides of those capitalists, not to mention right out of their wallets and the Chase Manhattan.
So then as some activist said, you have to pick your battles and let us not then pretend that there is some reason to ‘save the court', because really there is not, but since serial murdering is so damned disgusting and such an abomination, not to mention a notorious display of hypocrisy, well I can see how someone might be up for some small amount of court activism between now and the time capitalism runs its course and goes away ushering in a time of justice, which would just not be possible right now, and for obvious reasons....
My time at the G8 activist conference
First let me say that I am not going to be at the G8 conferences held by activists, because that is going on over there and I am over here, so therefore I will just have to pretend and imagine what it might be like.
Well I got to the conference and it was time to go through all the brochures and pick out some workshops to attend so that I could more information about things like the G8 policy, world conditions, and all the things that were wrong with the latter that could be traced back to the former. After all, this is why I caught a plane and flew all the way over there, so I could become informed and not remain wallowing in ignorance.
After picking out a forum on the topic of global development and poverty and the wrongness of the G8 concepts as regards this matter, I went in and found my seat. I opened up my notebook and then during the slide show and the speeches I took copious notes. I also kept copies of all the various handouts. It was all quite in depth, and I knew that with all that wealth of statistical data, the charts and graphs and so on, that this was something that was going to require more time for me than just one meeting to digest. As well, as I looked around and listened to the speakers, I noticed that this was a very serious meeting, and the very serious matters of global want and need, and so therefore I knew that if I knew what was good for me, I just better keep myself under wraps, and not be myself and stay away from comedy routines and burlesque or perhaps even my best Lenny Bruce pain in the ass type of imitation for at least for a few days or a week, so as not to run any risk of really pissing someone off, especially when it came to something as gravely serious and urgent as global development and struggles.
Well after keeping myself really well controlled for the whole event, I then caught the next flight out and went home to do my bit following such an event, which was naturally to spend some time in sober thought and somber reflection on what I had just learned, thus integrating into my knowledge base and becoming more informed instead of being stuck wallowing in ignorance and confusion like so many of the other people who didn't attend the G8 conference, but instead watched it on the media.
Well after a painstaking analysis of the handouts and my notes and all the various data describing the problem and then the G8 agenda for that problem, I came to the conclusion, as the result of my sober reflection, that what the information seemed to be describing was a giant turd. Just to be certain that perhaps I had not been sloppy in my analysis I went back over my notes and reviewed the handouts one more time, and once again, it was confirmed that what all this handout material was describing was a great big pile of shit. This was confirmed by the smell, which yes, was in fact the smell of a log of shit festering in the noon day sun. It was obvious that someone, obviously in what must have been an act of utter contempt, must have dropped their pants, squatted down, and then fired a big turd onto the surface of the planet.
Well, having confirmed this conclusion, it then became obvious to me that since this was a turd, the next problem to be solved was to work backwards in time and identify the asshole that had fired out that turd and dropped it onto the planet. This was important to me because I wanted to write up a report on my time at the G8 conference, and as useful as getting a positive ID on that turd might be, in order to be really complete, I needed also a positive ID on the asshole as well..
Well, after a painstaking historical analysis I felt confident that I had traced that turd on the planet right back to the exact asshole it had come out of , and therefore it would be time for me to file my report on the G8 conference. Having driven to become a stand up comic by the maddening process of being forced to find the asshole that dropped a turd, in order to save humanity, by the time that process was over I had transformed into an atrocious comedian, and since no one else was around, I knew that it would be safe to write an atrocious comedy routine, instead of the G8 report I had originally hoped to file years ago, when I first started out, you know, a deadly serious one as befits the gravity of an event such as the G8 conference and development issues and whatnot.
Or at least it would be safe to write such a report, although releasing my report to join the stack with all those other G8 reports being filed probably wouldn't be safe, since it was quite likely that someone would be going through that stack later to read up on the G8, and find my report, and be really offended that anyone could even think of writing comedy about something as serious as that G8 conference, which was bad enough, but then to have the nerve to submit that report to join the rest of the G8 reports. Well, as I found out when I released my preliminary report, really good comedy always really pisses someone off. I then resolved to write up another report to give that G8 conference a really good skewering, or perhaps a preliminarily good screwing, depending on how on I happened to be on that day.
The true source of all comedy is horror, and by attending that G8 conference, I had really hit the motherload of horror, especially when my analysis led to identify a turd and then go on a search for an asshole, as was clearly detailed in my notes and all my handouts, which then, logically following, meant that the G8 was really fucking funny. Let's say then that just by sheer chance the reaction to my report was a one third split. One third of humanity turned out to be similar to me and found it hilarious, one third were red faced with fury, and one third were critically analyzing it as a poorly written philosophical treatise that needed to be taken back and done over again. Well alright. I can live with that.
And that concludes my little G* primer.
Not to mention little imitation of a Lenny Bruce style pain in the ass I decided to throw in there. I highly advise that everyone put on their Captain Fantastic Secret Decoder rings and their Mr. Super Multitranslational Ear Muffs, so as to be ready for the G8 conference, thus being able to decode and translate all that Harvard and Yale phraseology and mumbo jumbo which is not ordinary people talk, but nevertheless is targeted at ordinary people, who therefore will be unlikely to really be able to understand the content and instead will get the message from the context.
For example we have already heard the dress rehearsal for the George Bush speech at the G8, which will focus on lecturing, hectoring and giving supreme shit to the whole third world for their backwards impoverishment, all this dressed up in Yale mumbo and Harvard jumbo, those economist sounding great big words that are not designed to be understood, since most Americans won't understand most of it, but are rather designed to impress, while Americans can get the real message which is found in the context, which is of course more of that same white capitalist racism once again brutally targeting the third world while pretending to talk development and economics.
It just being one day before the conference I am sure that the great propaganda genius Karl Rove, is probably still hard at work in the wolves lair, putting the last bit of polish and shine onto that Bush speech, maybe running test tapes by focus groups of really ignorant malinformed media befuddled Americans, so as to be able to catch any unintended blunders and make that speech as tricky and devious as possible. While it has been said that Hitler's great big lie technique is the greatest propaganda trick of them all, and the ignorant state of so many ordinary Americans is proof of the concept, still, I have to wonder if Hitler's technique might be becoming a little shop worn, even in a gullible and thus vulnerable country like America, for while it might have been true that people could trust Hitler, as big a liar as he was, this is George Bush we are talking about here, and although no one could possibly believe that Hitler could be such an atrocious liar, that is in fact something they can believe about George Bush, which makes life under capitalism so interesting at this point in history, capitalism and its stooges having become such desperately brazen reckless liars in recent years that amazingly they even make Hitler look credible in comparison, in that Hitler could at least get away with it, while they cannot...