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by Christopher McFarlance
Wednesday, May. 18, 2005 at 5:57 AM
Breaking news from Coruscant.
Coruscant-- To the surprise of many on the Jedi council, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine has decreed that all Jedi are now enemies of the Republic. The news came late last night and only days after a Separatist attempt to kidnap the Chancellor. The Grand Army of the Republic has reportedly begun the process of purging Coruscant of all the remaining Jedi.
“First our numbers are decimated in the war against the Separatists, and now this.” Said Arkima Chi, Padawan learner. “I tell you being a Jedi these days is a lot like pimpin’, it ain’t easy.”
There has been much talk among the citizens of the Republic that Palpatine may in fact be a Sith Lord. The Sith, long believed to be extinct, are a renegade faction among force users that embrace what they refer to as the “dark-side”. The Palpatine administration vehemently denies this allegation.
“The reports of any Sith involvement are ridiculous and are the result of radicals who are opposed to the creation of an army of the Republic.” Said Mon Ronia, Vice Chancellor. “Many people age drastically and develop yellow eyes over the course of a day, and it in no way denotes involvement with the dark side of the force.”
Isolated reports have surfaced that Anakin Skywalker, believed to be the Chosen One, has been seduced by the “dark-side”. This comes on the heels of the recent mysterious death of Mace Windu, a leading member of the Jedi council and the only African-American to hold that position. Skywalker was the Padawan learner of Obi Wan Kenobi, unfortunately Mr. Kenobi could not be reached for comment. There are in fact reports that Kenobi and other Jedi have now gone into hiding.
“Twisted by the dark side Skywalker has become.” Said Yoda Anderson, Head of the Jedi Council. “A Sith lord the Chancellor is. Fallen the shroud of the dark-side has.”
Palpatine is expected to fully address this issue in a press conference scheduled to take place tomorrow night at 9:00 pm central time. No comment was received from Palpatine or Skywalker.
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