Saturday, August 04 2004

Baghdad, Iraq



Reuters--In a stunning turn of events in the newly freed Iraq those Weapons of Mass Destruction have been found. President Bush made the announcement earlier in front of a live press conference.

"My fellow Americans, earlier to today the 32nd Battalion of the Marine Corps conducted a raid in downtown Baghdad and found a stash of 305 Swiss manufactured military cutlery tools, refereed to in some circles as "Swiss Army Knifes". Thanks to the bravery and sacrifice of our brave soldiers we have now taken these weapons out of the hands of a mad man." White House spokesman Marlin Fitzwater said.

"We need to ask ourselves why our so-called European ally Switzerland sold a known rogue nation WMD like these knifes, and can we tolerate such actions against our national security?" John McCain (R-AZ) said. The White House and the President are also taking these questions seriously as the President announced earlier, "Maybe my 'Axis of Evil' statements came too soon, if only I'd known how far this conspiracy against American freedom really went." That is why the President has changed it from the Axis of Evil to the "Legion of Doom" which will include North Korea, Iran, Switzerland, France, Canada, the Democratic party and 12 U.S. states to be determined later.

Also found in the raid were several training manuals from an organization calling itself the "Boyscouts of America" which is reported to have several terrorist training camps within the United States itself. The President announced he would probe any possible involvement this organization may have had in the terrorist attacks on 9/11.

On the homefront, exercising his powers under the Patriot Act, Attorney General John Ashcroft conducted a raid today against the factory that manufactured the box cutters used in the hijackings on 9/11. The terrorist supporters, whom called themselves the 'Workers', were immediately detained and were unable to speak to the press at this time. "We are glad to have removed this factory from our nation. I can see no practical need for such weapons to be manufactured." Attorney General Ashcroft said.

Jacob Steinway-

Springfield News-Header

"Just happy to be keeping America safe." -Soilder 400056-