George W, Bush stunned the world by ceding the presidency to Howard Dean. "The smirk is not working. I admit it. Americans don't want to see a plastic turkey in Iraq on Thanksgiving day."
In an unusual display of honesty, Bush conveyed a recent conversation with God. "I want to assure the American public that taking the 'happy pills' prescribed by Karl Rove will no longer happen. "I need to speak the truth," Bush said.
Speaking in mostly one syllable words, Bush laid it out. "Look, without the pills, I can shoot straight from the hip and I'm here to tell you that, well, I don't really give a darn about Iraq. I'm sorry about all the people who got killed but really all I ever wanted was a baseball team. I never wanted this. Okay. That's all I have to say. Except that if Dean could please take over, I'd really appreciate it. I really hate the weather in Washington. Karl, I'm sorry to disappoint you but as a God fearing man, I have to do what Keanu Reeves did when he took the cookie. I'm not the one, man. I'm not the one"
With that, the president walked off stage, seemingly confused yet chipper. The world celebrates his honesty.