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Saturday, Jan. 17, 2004 at 7:47 AM
Update about the last visit to Sherman.
Approaching FCI Tucson from desert Wilmot Road, I immediately noticed the
surrounding barbed-wire chains that separate Sherman from the "free" outside
world. I sighed at the thought that within minutes I would be able to see
him, but within hours I would have to leave the facility without him. I
pondered what our reactions would be.
I continued through the entranced door, and the metal detector caught my
eye as well as the guards staring at me. I felt their eyes on me, and
thought that at any moment they would say, "So you're here to visit the
terror boy." Instead, figuring I was new, they just handed me a form to fill
out, and I turned it in with my ID once completely filled out. Some of the
questions on there were quite ridiculous, "do you have any cameras, weapons
of mass destruction, food, electronic devices, narcotics, etc." It became
almost a joke when I came to visit after this first time, just thinking that
anyone that would actually have any of this would check yes.
While I sat waiting to be called I still wondered why the guards stared.
wondered why someone so young would have an inmate for a boyfriend. Whatever
the reason was, they
seemed very curious. When I had gone back to visit for the holidays after
visit, a couple of the guards remarked to Sherman "that girl comes here a
lot doesn't she," and "why are you here, if your from LA?"
"Visit for Austin," the guard called. I got up and checked into a visitor
book. Meanwhile the guards checked my clear purse that held about 10 dollars
in loose change for vending machines and a hotel key; pretty much the only
things you are allowed to carry in with you in a clear bag. They then asked
me to take off my shoes and to pursue through the metal detector. I passed
without a beep, but was then asked to read a board. It said that I was about
to be tested for drugs with a special ionic machine that works like a
vacuum. I had to raise my arms while they sucked particles off my clothing,
and they then ran it through a machine. I felt awkward, but imagined it was
less than what Sherman has to go through daily. In one of his letters he had
mentioned that about every week they'd give him a breathalyzer test to see
if he's been drinking. Any person that knows him knows that he's Mr.
Anti-drugs & alcohol. I guess it doesn't matter there. We'll I passed the
test, being Mrs. Anti-drug & alcohol, and they stamped my hand. Again I was
sat down until a group of visitors were checked in, then they lead us into a
boxy white room where we had to show our stamp to another guard. Once we all
cleared, finally we were taken to the visiting room.
On the way there the barbed-wire was more apparent like Sherman wrote to me,
"I think they purposely put it in certain areas, like right above the
entrance to the Food Court so it's the first thing you see when you get up
in the morning and go to breakfast. It's there to remind you that your "a
prisoner." I got a turning feeling in my stomach partly experiencing his
physical & mental sentence. I saw food service inmate workers about 40 feet
away from our path, but we were separated by a chain link fence. I wondered
if Sherman was around there since that is his job at the prison, which he
only receives 8 cents an hour pay (that's with a high school diploma). It
rounds up to a month, that's what his last monthly paycheck came out to.
In the visiting room there were rows of colored plastic chairs under
exhausting fluorescent lights. Different colors indicated different types of
prisoners, like green/blue chairs were for INS, hold-over, and pre-trial
prisoners. I got the choice of red, yellow, or beige. I choose red since it
was about the only spot available in the packed visiting room.
I waited anxiously constantly looking at the clock. One by one inmate's
were let out from a corner door after they were padded down by a guard.
After 20 minutes of waiting, Sherman appeared in khaki pants, a khaki
collared shirt, and black steel toe boots. At first he glanced all over the
place looking for me like a lost little boy. Once we locked eyes, our smiles
were unstoppable. We rushed to each other and were allowed to hug and kiss
for a few minutes. He hugged me so tight that my back cracked about four
times. It was so refreshing to feel him and smell his long dreads. After our
"allowed touch time" was up we sat down and held hands throughout the visit.
He put his arm around me a couple of times until a guard came up to us and
asked if I was Sherman's sister. Sherman responded "No, she's my
girlfriend." Then the guard said that we were not allowed to do that then.
What a load of B.S. we thought, and we couldn't say anything back because it
would risk loosing visits. We were still allowed to lean on each other and
hold hands. I felt like I was back in high school with all the rules,
fences, guards/security, and uniforms. Sherman said he felt the same way.
Still the guards weren't that bad, a lot of them were friendly and
talkative, they just do what they are told to make a living. Something's
slide, some don't, you just got to know the ropes and types of guards.
Sherman and I constantly stared at each other looking for changes. I noticed
he gained muscle & a couple of pounds. He also seemed taller since he stood
up straight from doing incline push-ups and bench presses. He works out
about twice a day, because he said that having this routing helps the days
go by faster. By looking at him I could tell he wasn't kidding about working
out. He sets goals for himself like by the time he finishes serving time he
wants to be able to bench press at least 300 pounds. When he first came to
the facility he was struggling with 65 pounds. After 4 months, he's now at
185 pounds max. Another reason he keeps a routine he says "it's good cause
it builds self discipline." Amongst his other physical changes were his
dreads that seemed a couple of inches longer, and his face seemed to have
years added to it from all the stress he's been going through. In pictures
he had sent me from the prison for my birthday I could see his boyish stare
seemed hard-edged. But at our visit he seemed to regain some of his glow,
also at the upcoming visits with his mother and again myself. I guess the
hardened look could just be homesickness and prison life, either way I was
glad to have the lively Sherman in front of me. He is truly an amazing
spirit with phenomenal abilities to transcend all the negatives of this
situation into something positive. I love this about him. Even though his
physical appearance is changing a little, his heart and mind continue in the
same path of maturing strength, compassion, love, and intelligence.
We talked and talked about a variety of topics. Sherman said he is very glad
to be receiving support letters and reading all of them. He's sorry he
hasn't responded to a lot of letters, but it's quite difficult with the
shortage of stamps, time, and energy. That place seems to suck the life out
of him. He has mentioned a variety of his favorites from all around the
world like from France, South Africa, and a large majority across United
States. Letters seem to be part of his motivation to move forward and stay
strong. He sends thanks and appreciation to all of you that have taken the
time to write to him.
We also talked about books he finished reading that I had sent him. He
finished reading the Elaine Brown story "A Taste of Power" and "Lockdown
America" by Christian Parenti. He just started on two other books. The main
one he's currently reading sent by his mother is called "Decolonizing the
Mind," and "Fast Food Nation." So far he's got plenty to read, but doesn't
mind receiving more. He shares his books with some of his fellow inmates,
especially conscience literature. He feels that others should be able to
read books likes "Lockdown America" to better understand their imprisonment
because education is a powerful tool.
Sherman also mentioned that in this facility he gets the chance to play
music. He plays bass guitar for a prison rock band, and he plays drums for
the prison chapel on Saturday evenings. Many other facilities don't offer
this, so it's good he has this opportunity while serving time. It also helps
him practice for when he comes out, because one of his main focuses will be
writing music with conscience lyrics. We're still not sure if he will be
able to use computers for this art due the 3 year probation. I guess we'll
know when he meets with his probation officer.
As we continued with our visit, inmates that also had visitors would pass by
us and say hello to him, "What's up Sherm Tank (Sherms or Shermanator)?" I
found it a bit amusing. I was glad to see this interaction. He would tell me
about some of them. Like one of the guys was the singer of the rock band
that Sherman plays bass for at the prison. From what I saw, Sherman hasn't
had a problem making friends. Especially since this facility seems to not
inhibit any racial tension. When his mother visited the first time, she was
approached by one of the inmates. This inmate told her that she shouldn't
worry about her son, because Sherman was being looked after. On my visit I
could tell that he knew different people and he was well rounded. I got to
see that other inmates were not the Hollywood stereotypes, well at least not
in this federal facility. They also had families and loved ones on the
outside, like Sherman said "they are regular people." Most of them are in
prison for non-violent drug offenses, it really made me think about the
prison system. I noticed that many of these prisoners seem to come from
low-income families and majority were people of color. I wondered how many
of them were able to afford a private attorney or ended up with a
plea-bargaining public defender.
Sherman and I also talked about his case. It's a hard topic to avoid,
especially when there is still hope for a plea-withdrawal. Sherman further
realizes the all the railroading and manipulation that was involved in his
case to set him up. He was used to "set an example to deter future
revolutionaries." Being in that place he replays and analyzes facts over and
over. The injustice doesn't fade away. For Sherman and those supporting him,
this case isn't closed.
Our first three-hour visit flew by. The guards announced, "Visitation is
over. Inmates to the red chairs. Visitors to the door." We were again
allowed to give a quick hug & kiss goodbye. I felt like shrinking small
enough, so that I could fit into his pocket or vice versa. We joked about
this, to break the sadness. While Sherman held me tight in his arms, he
reassured me that this nightmare sentence would be over soon and he would
come out upgraded version Sherman 2.0. I couldn't help but to laugh at his
goofy humor and feel comforted. His positive energy made me feel more serene
with the thought that I would be back to visit him soon.
To add some personal insight I'll end this quoting Sherman from one of his
"I'm going to try everything in my power to not go back, ever. I never want
to go back to prison. The reality of the situation is though I'm not in full
control over being a target, but I am in control of how much I will fight to
not get locked up again. I'd like to go to school when I get out. It's not
going to get rid of the reality of the situation though. They are going to
be on me for the rest of my life. Trying to look good isn't going to change
it. If I take college classes it's not for me to try to look good, but to do
something for myself. This isn't something I can simply run away from or
hide from by a change of lifestyle. The only thing that can bring this to an
end is some kind of social change. I can lay-low for as long as I want, but
it won't ever change the reality of things. That's why I didn't really lay
low during my case, because it wasn't going to change anything. They still
wanted their conviction and the Judge always had 1 year on his mind since my
first court appearance. That I couldn't control, so I just continued to do
organizing work and spread more word out in the open about my case. Like at
first when everyone was telling my mom and me to be very quiet about
everything, because it could "hurt my case." It was false, because the
Judges mind and FBI's mind were already made up from the start. So really if
you think about it, the only thing that could have been done strategically
was to be very vocal about it and continue organizing.it would have at least
organized more people and increased awareness. Which is a key element that
eventually leads to change. That to me is more important in focusing on,
rather than "laying low," because it's not like you're loosing anything.
Your still going to struggle and end up in jail or struggle and live in
paranoid fear of running your whole life. Both things are a prison."
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||Saturday, Jan. 17, 2004 at 11:32 PM
|ADDED INFO TO THE SHERMAN STORY!!!
||Monday, Jan. 19, 2004 at 8:03 PM
|ADDED INFO TO THE SHERMAN STORY!!!
||Monday, Jan. 19, 2004 at 8:15 PM
|WRITE TO SHERMAN
||Tuesday, Jan. 20, 2004 at 3:04 AM
|I'm feeling very sexy tonight
||Tuesday, Jan. 27, 2004 at 3:26 AM
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