Increase educational requirements for janitors

Episode of Everybody Hates Chris

Copyright C 2010 by Eric Matteson. Permission is granted to copy the html text version of this script and to publish it on the Internet. Non-profit uses including student films are also allowed.

There are golf carts being driven by communnity college employees all over sidewalks and lawns all over campus. It is very unfair to run over a student while driving outside of the street!! My what if speech is WHAT IF a student is run over by a golf cart. That student is severely injured and ends up in a wheelchair. Pretend that that student in a wheelchair has computer skills that are greater than Ferris Buelers computer skills in the War Games movie. Pretend that he is taking physics class lab online. At a meeting with another student just before the last physics experiment performed on Earth.

Making important dscoveries in physics requires smashing
small numbers of protons together at almost exactly the speed
of light. In my online physics experiment with the largest
atom smasher on Earth I am readjusting distribution of force so
that we push a small number of protons at very high speed instead
of dividing that precious force among a very large number of protons
traveling at a much slower speed.
What if a black hole is created that swallows up the Earth ??
is this proposed experiment unsafe ??
If safety were important the State of California would not have
hired employees to drive golf carts on the sidewalk and run me over
and put me in this wheelchair. Before the accident I tried to talk
to school employees about getting golf carts into the street but
those employees did not do anything to help becuase everybody
beleives that saftey is unimportant. This wheelchair is PROOF
that saftey is unimportant.
Watch this experiment begin
. (on the computer screen the atom smasher proton beam becomes
much narrower so force is applied to a much smaller mass so
a much higher acceleration of protons is acheived before they collide.)
And then there
is a series of Earthquakes as peices of rock swirl around and then
enter a black hole. When the experiment is finished all of Earth
fits inside a event horizon sphere less than two centimeters wide!!
In conclusion a golf cart accident in which a student is unfairly
run over by a golf cart on a lawn or sidewalk will result in
ALL OF EARTH BEING DESTROYED !!
(Scene 2 after speech class) CHRIS That was a nice speech. GREG Chris, I need your help. Pretty please talk to somebody about
getting rid of golf carts. There have been numerous near misses
when I have almost been unfairly run over by golf carts being driven on
lawns and sidewalks here on campus and in City Parks.
CHRIS
But wahat can I do ??
GREG
Actually, quite a bit. You were elected class president.
CHRIS
But I was impeached!!
GREG
Just yesterday, at the student government election, you got some
write in votes for student community college trustee because
you are a celebrity around here a lot of people are relying on.
The speech teacher says that your speech is tommorrow at the
beginning of class.
(scene 3 speech class next day) Chris is at the podium in front of the class. The teacher checks
the microphone adjustment.
CHRIS You all heard Gregs speech yesterday. If I got run over by a golf
cart on a sidewalk I would be very angry. I would not blame anyone
for destroying the Earth after being run over outside of the street.
I would like to go one step beyond that. All of us students should do
OUR PART to demand the elimination of Golf carts from this campus
or at least confine them to the streets. because students should
have a right to walk across campus on sidewalks and lawns
without being run over by school employees.
1 ) Law enforcement agencies including untrained security guards
and the gestapo and the county sheriff department need to have their
troops WALK THEIR PATROL ROUTES instead of continuing to drive
outside of the streets.
2 ) The Audio Visual Department that supplies this speech class
is a leader because they use unpowered
hand carts that do not run over pedestrians instead of using golf carts.
All of the various workers need to STOP USING GOLF CARTS outside
of the streets.
3 ) The great big High Speed Shuttle golf carts need to
remain in the street. Their state funding is ONLY for severely
handicapped students. I am sick and tired of seeing shuttles
full of NON-HANDICAPPED-STUDENTS being driven on sidewalks all over
this campus.

4 ) I am dissapointed in ALL OF YOU STUDENTS. How many of you have complained to the student government after near misses when you almost got run over by a golf cart on a sidewalk ?? How many of you who have ridden on golf carts have asked the driver to KEEP IT OFF OF THE SIDEWALKS!! The drivers are from foreign nations that have NO TRAFFIC LAWS but all of you community college students should know that it is wrong to drive on sidewalks because it is unfair to pedestrians. If the driver puts the cart on a sidewalk never ride on it
ever again.
If you are not extremely handicapped do not ride in a golf cart.
Could we begin by removing golf carts from the west side of Albert Vera Drive sidewalk and remove them from Freshman Drive sidewalk between Albert Vera Drive and Overland so pedestrians can walk onto the campus without being run over ?? It is very unfair to drive golf carts on sidewalks on both
sides of Albert Vera Drive because even a communist country should
reserve the sidewalk on at least one side of the street for
pedestrians.

Some of you have asked my position on the proposed community college FEE INCREASE for Fall 2010. I beleive that it is very unfair to continue to raise fees on CSU and UC students to pay the state for gasoline for High Speed Shuttle golf carts for lazy community college students to ride on while those lazy community college students refuse to pay their fair share. In order to be fair to CSU students FEES at community colleges should be exactly equal to CSU fees. To be fair to CSU students, CSU fees should be reduced to what community college students can afford because BOTH FEES SHOULD BE THE SAME. the presigeous UC system will remain high cost to keep unqualifed poor bums out of the UC network. Student fees already have to be increased because LAZY COMMUNITY COLLEGE STUDENTS have failed to quiclky shut down the dangerous golf carts a long time ago. Students can still reduce the rate of increase on student fees by:: 1 )lobbying the student government to stop school employees from driving on lawns and sidewalks. 2 )Students who are not handicapped must NOT ride the High Speed Shuttle golf carts. If you see another student on a golf cart who is not handicapped please talk to them about it. They are causing YOUR fees to increase too especially when those golf carts drive on sidewalks. 3 )lobby the student government to reduce the number of janitors so mens restrooms will be open all day and all night whenever school is open. If you get locked out of a bathroom by an extra janitor YOUR student fees will be increased to pay that uneeded extra janitors salary. 4 ) any accident in which any pedestrian is run over on a sidewalk or lawn by any community college employee could trigger a federal civil rights lawsuit that will CLOSE ALL 109 of Californias community colleges and the victim in a wheelchair will have a second amendment right to destroy the Earth if the military atom smasher technology is advanced enough during that victims remaining lifetime.