Why men die first is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries,

but now we know: If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her

from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist; if you stay home and do the

housework, you're a pansy. If you work too hard, there's never any time

for her; if you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she

has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation; if you

have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy

behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her,

that is favoritism; if she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal

opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment;

if you keep quiet it's male indifference. If you cry, you're a wimp; if

you don't, you're an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without

consulting her, you're a chauvinist; if she makes a decision without

consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something

she doesn't enjoy, that's domination; if she asks you, it's a favor. If

you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert;

if you don't, you're gay. If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep

in shape, you're sexist; if you don't, you're unromantic. If you try to

keep yourself in shape, you're vain; if you don't, you're a slob. If you

buy her flowers, you're after something; if you don't, you're not

thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of

yourself; if you aren't you're not ambitious. If she has a headache,

she's tired; if you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.



Men die first because they want to.