We had a server outage, and we're rebuilding the site. Some of the site features won't work. Thank you for your patience.
imc indymedia

Los Angeles Indymedia : Activist News

white themeblack themered themetheme help
About Us Contact Us Calendar Publish RSS
latest news
best of news




A-Infos Radio

Indymedia On Air

Dope-X-Resistance-LA List


IMC Network:

Original Cities

www.indymedia.org africa: ambazonia canarias estrecho / madiaq kenya nigeria south africa canada: hamilton london, ontario maritimes montreal ontario ottawa quebec thunder bay vancouver victoria windsor winnipeg east asia: burma jakarta japan korea manila qc europe: abruzzo alacant andorra antwerpen armenia athens austria barcelona belarus belgium belgrade bristol brussels bulgaria calabria croatia cyprus emilia-romagna estrecho / madiaq euskal herria galiza germany grenoble hungary ireland istanbul italy la plana liege liguria lille linksunten lombardia london madrid malta marseille nantes napoli netherlands nice northern england norway oost-vlaanderen paris/Île-de-france patras piemonte poland portugal roma romania russia saint-petersburg scotland sverige switzerland thessaloniki torun toscana toulouse ukraine united kingdom valencia latin america: argentina bolivia chiapas chile chile sur cmi brasil colombia ecuador mexico peru puerto rico qollasuyu rosario santiago tijuana uruguay valparaiso venezuela venezuela oceania: adelaide aotearoa brisbane burma darwin jakarta manila melbourne perth qc sydney south asia: india mumbai united states: arizona arkansas asheville atlanta austin baltimore big muddy binghamton boston buffalo charlottesville chicago cleveland colorado columbus dc hawaii houston hudson mohawk kansas city la madison maine miami michigan milwaukee minneapolis/st. paul new hampshire new jersey new mexico new orleans north carolina north texas nyc oklahoma philadelphia pittsburgh portland richmond rochester rogue valley saint louis san diego san francisco san francisco bay area santa barbara santa cruz, ca sarasota seattle tampa bay tennessee urbana-champaign vermont western mass worcester west asia: armenia beirut israel palestine process: fbi/legal updates mailing lists process & imc docs tech volunteer projects: print radio satellite tv video regions: oceania united states topics: biotech

Surviving Cities

www.indymedia.org africa: canada: quebec east asia: japan europe: athens barcelona belgium bristol brussels cyprus germany grenoble ireland istanbul lille linksunten nantes netherlands norway portugal united kingdom latin america: argentina cmi brasil rosario oceania: aotearoa united states: austin big muddy binghamton boston chicago columbus la michigan nyc portland rochester saint louis san diego san francisco bay area santa cruz, ca tennessee urbana-champaign worcester west asia: palestine process: fbi/legal updates process & imc docs projects: radio satellite tv
printable version - js reader version - view hidden posts - tags and related articles

Earth Day Cancelled by EPA

by EPA Press Office Tuesday, Apr. 22, 2003 at 2:54 PM
(202) 260-2090 1200 Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W.

Why have an Earth Day when so much of the Earth as we knew it is gone?

For immediate Release
Media contact: Crispy Todd Whiteman
U.S. Environmental Procrastination Agency
Washington, DC
April 22, 2003

The nominal director of the U.S. Environmental Procrastination Agency (EPA) announced today that Earth Day has been canceled in keeping with the Administrations lack of interest in the health of the planet. Crispy Todd Whiteman sent a memo to all EPA staff informing them of the change and suggested they spend the time they normally would on greenwashing efforts and empty gestures usually associated with the occasion, to further the work of assisting corporations in the rape and torture of the Earth.
“We here at the EPA know well the meaning of multiple-use of the planets’ resources and partnering with big business in the important work of taking out the ecosphere” noted Whiteman. “The time for whining about so-called global warming and the mass extinction of most species is over. No longer is there a need for bothersome rules and regulations that serve only to hamper America’s progress. Why have an Earth Day when so much of the Earth as we knew it is gone? What has the planet ever done for us but rain on our picnics and soccer games, or make it difficult to find a good parking spot because of bothersome topography.”
Whiteman further pointed out that the WAR AGAINST EVIL TERRORISTS!!! (and those who give them aid and comfort) requires that money usually directed toward protecting what remains of the biosphere would be better spent funding important work like arming commercial airline pilots with rocket launchers and getting rid of all those FREAKS!!! doing tree sits. She listed some thirty ways EPA funds could be used in the fight against TERRORIST HEATHENS!!!! Some of the suggestions included the deportation of those who refuse to stand-up for the Pledge of Allegiance; the summary execution of flag-burners; mandatory haircuts for those scruffy crunchy-granola types; and the banning of such writings as Thoreau’s “Walden” and Leopold’s “A Sand County Almanac”.
Whiteman also informed staff members that in the near future all existing EPA vehicles will be replaced with Humvees especially equipped for the rugged work of ruining the last remaining pristine areas under federal administration. Reportedly, some staff members have been complaining about having to plug-in their electric vehicles at the close of the day, saying a potential exists for lower back strain or worse, soiling of their hands.

For more information contact EPA at :
Environmental Protection Agency
1200 Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W.
Washington, DC 20460
(202) 260-2090

Report this post as:
Share on: Twitter, Facebook, Google+

add your comments

© 2000-2018 Los Angeles Independent Media Center. Unless otherwise stated by the author, all content is free for non-commercial reuse, reprint, and rebroadcast, on the net and elsewhere. Opinions are those of the contributors and are not necessarily endorsed by the Los Angeles Independent Media Center. Running sf-active v0.9.4 Disclaimer | Privacy