- js reader version
- view hidden posts
- tags and related articles
by EPA Press Office
Tuesday, Apr. 22, 2003 at 2:54 PM
(202) 260-2090 1200 Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W.
Why have an Earth Day when so much of the Earth as we knew it is gone?
For immediate Release
Media contact: Crispy Todd Whiteman
U.S. Environmental Procrastination Agency
April 22, 2003
The nominal director of the U.S. Environmental Procrastination Agency (EPA) announced today that Earth Day has been canceled in keeping with the Administrations lack of interest in the health of the planet. Crispy Todd Whiteman sent a memo to all EPA staff informing them of the change and suggested they spend the time they normally would on greenwashing efforts and empty gestures usually associated with the occasion, to further the work of assisting corporations in the rape and torture of the Earth.
“We here at the EPA know well the meaning of multiple-use of the planets’ resources and partnering with big business in the important work of taking out the ecosphere” noted Whiteman. “The time for whining about so-called global warming and the mass extinction of most species is over. No longer is there a need for bothersome rules and regulations that serve only to hamper America’s progress. Why have an Earth Day when so much of the Earth as we knew it is gone? What has the planet ever done for us but rain on our picnics and soccer games, or make it difficult to find a good parking spot because of bothersome topography.”
Whiteman further pointed out that the WAR AGAINST EVIL TERRORISTS!!! (and those who give them aid and comfort) requires that money usually directed toward protecting what remains of the biosphere would be better spent funding important work like arming commercial airline pilots with rocket launchers and getting rid of all those FREAKS!!! doing tree sits. She listed some thirty ways EPA funds could be used in the fight against TERRORIST HEATHENS!!!! Some of the suggestions included the deportation of those who refuse to stand-up for the Pledge of Allegiance; the summary execution of flag-burners; mandatory haircuts for those scruffy crunchy-granola types; and the banning of such writings as Thoreau’s “Walden” and Leopold’s “A Sand County Almanac”.
Whiteman also informed staff members that in the near future all existing EPA vehicles will be replaced with Humvees especially equipped for the rugged work of ruining the last remaining pristine areas under federal administration. Reportedly, some staff members have been complaining about having to plug-in their electric vehicles at the close of the day, saying a potential exists for lower back strain or worse, soiling of their hands.
For more information contact EPA at :
Environmental Protection Agency
1200 Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W.
Washington, DC 20460
Report this post as:
Change Links September 2018 posted
More Scandals Rock Southern California Nuke Plant San Onofre
Site Outage Friday
Change Links August 2018
Setback for Developer of SC Farm Land
More problems at Shutdown San Onofre Nuke
Change Links 2018 July posted
More Pix: "Families Belong Together," Pasadena
"Families Belong Together" March, Pasadena
Short Report on the Families Belong Together Protest in Los Angeles
Summer 2018 National Immigrant Solidarity Network News Alert!
Watch the Debate: Excluded Candidates for Governor of California
Change Links June 2018 posted
The Montrose Peace Vigil at 12 Years
Unity Archive Project
Dianne Feinstein's Promotion of War, Secret Animal Abuse, Military Profiteering, Censorshi
CA Senate Bill 1303 would require an independent coroner rather than being part of police
Three years after OC snitch scandal, no charges filed against sheriffs deputies
California police agencies violate Brown Act (open meetings)
Insane Company Wants To Send Nuke Plant Waste To New Mexico
Change Links May 2018
Worker-Owned Car Wash on Vermont Closed
GUIDE TO REBEL CITY LOS ANGELES AVAILABLE
lausd whistle blower
More Local News...
100 Ways GOP Have Stolen Elections Since 1876
Proximospective de l'univocité réifiée
Trump & Palestine vs. Genesis, Rashi & The Land of Israel
The Criminality of the Elites
Business de l'inhumanitaire
Marriage Rape/Date Rape Highest Rapes
Women I Know Get Raped - Too Many Times To Count!
Women In USA Have Stockholm Syndrom
Shooting Drill's Are Political Actual Shootings
Dr. Ford's Father Works With CIA
Google Abuses: Worldwide Spying, Censorship, War Promotion, Spying On Children, Etc
Paraphysique de l'administration
Affordable Rents? A State of Emergency Intensifies
A Few Of Many Impeachable Acts by Trump Sessions And Others
Désengrammation, l'éloge de la suite
someone Should Work In Hollywood - Good Acting!
Ford Gives Psych Drugs To Lower Class To Shut Them Up?
Hilllary Calls Ford Trailer Trash?
Most Rapes Are In Marriages
Nice Boys Dirty Deeds
Minnesota 2nd Largest Rape State
Paraphysique de la plus-value
More Breaking News...