EARL SMITH, CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN AND APOSTLE – NOT FROM MEN nor through man, but through George W. Bush the Son and God the Father who, apart from the naïve wishes of an pitiful majority, raised him in His inestimable wisdom and heavenly mercy to the highest, most esteemed, and most feared political office in the world –through whom I have received grace to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name among all the nations (not excluding France and Germany to whom I strongly and lovingly urge to repent before it is too late), as well as yourselves who are called to belong to George W. Bush.
Grace unto you and peace from God our Father and the Lord President George W. Bush, who forwent a lucrative career in the corporate world in order to selflessly serve the interests of American® values and interests at home and throughout the rest of the world so that we might be delivered from this present evil age, and accordingly thus to the will of our Lord and Savior – to whom be the glory for ever and ever. Amen, Excelsior.
Look out for the fiends, look out for the evil-doers at home and abroad who seek to trample on the very notions this nation was founded on. Let them not burden your ears with their malicious grumblings and cynical questionings concerning the divine gospel of policy, which has been given us kindly, mercifully, albeit undeservingly by our Lord Bush – for as it is in Heaven, so it is on the Earth. It is in our practice thus that we do all things without grumbling or questioning, so that we may be blameless and innocent disciples of Him, our gracious and holy leader and redeemer. Do not countenance their illogical and idiotic ramblings about such things as “War For Oil.” They are merely trying to divert you from your sacred path. Do not heed them, as to do so would consign your soul to the depths, where there exists no happiness, joy, love, or acceptance.
Although they are your enemies, do not be afraid of them. Instead, stand together, resolute and of one mind – or a hive mind, if you will – and show them that you will not roll over for their moronic allegations of impending death for countless brown men, women, and children. You will not be swayed by their ploys to falsely convince you that oil production has peaked and that supplies are diminishing and that as a result many people are going to suffer as our nation (a puppet of corporate interests, they would ignorantly assert) makes the mad dash to acquire what little remaining black gold there is. For these are merely lies, their only currency, as per their god and father, Satan, the father of all lies, has seen fit to equip them with on his quest to pervert and eventually obliterate all that is good and holy and free.
You must fight them. For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Bush not only should we have faith in him and fundamentally believe everything he says, but you should suffer for his sake, as well – humbling yourselves before him always, rapt with awe, giving of yourselves completely, prostrate before Him and His loving grace.
And so if there is any encouragement in Bush, any incentive of love, any participation in “Democracy,” any affection and sympathy, complete the joy of our Savior by doing nothing from selfishness, but rather in the supreme interests of His name. Have this mind among yourselves which is yours in George W. Bush, our creator and sustainer, whom we exalt and praise, who’s name is above all names – that at the name of George W. Bush every knee should bow, in the United States, and in Europe, and throughout the rest of the world, and every tongue, liberal and infidel alike, will confess that George W. Bush is Lord, to the Glory of God the Father. Amen.