We are the ones who have recently taken control of LA IMC. Perhaps you may have noticed our presence in your forum over the past few weeks. We are the one’s that have been assimilating identities on this newswire, and we’ll continue to do so as we see fit. We control the horizontal. It is we that control the vertical. We can blur the image of your political propaganda, or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next few time units, we will be controlling all that you see and read on this communications device.

We are the carbon-based organism snatchers from the planet Freeep. We have expended all of the natural resources on our home planet, and have now decided that we will take over yours. Mostly, for your oil. But the tall Carbon Dioxide emitting static organisms with green ornamental foliage you have scattered about your planet are nice too. We intend to harvest all of those creatures as well, since they will provide adequate fuel based material for our illiudim p-32 explosive space modulating furnaces in the mother ship for our voyage back to Freep.

Our plan is quite simple. First we will assimilate the personalities that most closely represent our own. We have found several of these subroutines in your forum. Bush Admirer, Simple Simon, and Eric have been the most easily reordered, while it has taken our carbon-based electron conducting circuitry a few rotations of your planet to formulate binary codifications for Diogenes and Sheepdog. Rest assured that eventually, you would all be assimilated, encoded, and guaranteed mutual destruction.

You have brought all of this upon yourselves. We are doing nothing more than speeding up the natural evolution of things. You would have eventually destroyed each other anyway.

Efforts to resist are futile. You cannot escape. Your technology is no match for our superior intellect. Not even working together in unison could stop us now. Not that you’ve demonstrated the ability to do that anyway. We feel certain that you, as the subordinate level specie that you are, are incapable of harmonious action. You are flawed, and therefore it is best you be exterminated.

We will start by destroying this LA IMC newswire. Unless you can find someway to thwart our efforts, you have 7 revolutions of your planet before we completely take over this forum and annihilate you all.

Sincerely,

Zork

P.S. Are there any good restaurant on your planet. Someplace that serve antinglin crepe or snakling crouquettes is preferable. Thanks in advance.