Please try the following:

• Click the Refresh button, or fill your CD-ROM drawer tray with jam. This really works.
• If you typed the page address in the Address bar, please go away and learn to spell fascistly before returning.
• To check your connection status, unplug your PC and insert a palladium chip into the mains socket. Connection status will immediately become apparent.
• If you like, IAO and Microsoft Windows can examine your PC and send details of all the demoralizing subversive enemy content you have downloaded to Pentagon and its headquarters in Redmond.
  If you would like Windows to alter your disposition,
  click Yes! Send me to Guantánamo!
• Some sites you visit require IAO's and Microsoft's authorization. Click the Windows menu and then click Let me be a subversive traitor! to uninstall this feature.
• If you are trying to reach a non patriotic site, make sure you are not running Windows. Click the My Computer menu, and then right click Drive C:. On the Menu select This sucks: Please replace current operating system with Linux. You'll get a visit from our representatives of CIA/FBI as soon as possible.
• Click the Back to end this patriotic feature.