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Haiti 7.0 6 Israel Turkey Feng Shui Row Seven Signs of the Apocalypse

by Karen Fish Thursday, Jan. 14, 2010 at 6:41 PM

Truth is stranger than fiction.

Haiti 7.0 6 Israel T...
couch.jpg, image/jpeg, 250x200

According to Seismologist Roger Musson of the British Geological Survey the Haiti 7.0 magnitude earthquake was “The Big One.” The Haiti 7.0 earthquake was “The Big One” in more ways than one.

According to the New Testament, the Holy Scripture of Islam and Christianity, there are seven signs of the Apocalypse. Estimates of the dead in Haiti range from hundreds to hundreds of thousands, depending upon which bird is tweeting.

“When the lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature call out, “Come!” I looked and there was a pale green horse! Its riders name was Death, and Hades followed with him.” (Rev. 6:7-8). In the end, death, hades, Johnny Cash, and Johnny Cash’s trumpet players fell down, down, down, in the burning ring of fire. Hades was the brother of Zeus. Hades was the Greek God of the underworld. The Haiti 7.0 earthquake came from the underworld.

“When the Lamb opened the sixth seal, I looked and there came a great earthquake; the sun became black as sackcloth.” (Rev. 6:12). The cloud of dust blotted out the sun. Haitian women cried out, “Jesus is coming.” This is the big one.

Haiti is 80% Roman Catholic. Two billion Christians eagerly await the return of the Messiah Jesus Christ. One billion Muslims have co-messiahs, Jesus Christ the prophet of Islam, and the Mahdi, the 12th, the Hidden Imam. The burning question is, “When Jesus Christ returns, will he save the Muslims or the Christians?” It all depends upon which bird is tweeting.

There are seven signs of the apocalypse. 7.0. The Richter scale was invented 75 years ago at the California Institute of Technology by Charles Richter and Beno Gutenberg, the inventor of Beano. Researchers at the Dusseldorf Institute of Technology are on the verge of perfecting “Earthquake Beano” but it seems that their efforts were not in time for the victims of “The Haiti Big One.”

There are seven signs of the apocalypse. In the seventh sign of nuclear world war III between Judaism, Christianity and Islam: “When the lamb opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour.” (Rev. 8:1). And I saw the 7.0 angels who stand before God, and seven trumpets were given to them. They each received one trumpet, not 7.0.

The angels blew their trumpets and great horrors afflicted the earth. “When the seventh angel shouted, the seven thunders sounded.” (Rev.10:3-4). Then John was given a measuring rod like a staff and he was told, “Come and measure the Temple of God in Jerusalem and the altar and those who worship there, but do not measure the court outside the Temple; leave that out, for it is given over to the nations, and they will trample over the city of Jerusalem for 42 months.” (Rev. 11:1-2). “Seven thousand people were killed in the earthquake.” (Rev. 11:13).

World War I was caused by the shot heard round the world, the big one. John was given a measuring rod like a staff to do some measuring in Jerusalem. Unfortunately there was a meeting in Jerusalem on Monday and somebody forgot to measure the height of a chair and a couch. The chair upon which the politician from Israel sat was seven inches higher than the chesterfield upon which the politician from Turkey sat. This diplomatic affront by Israel upon Turkey, this outright ignoration of all of the rules of Feng Shui has us all now right on the verge of Nuclear World War III. The couch incident was the seventh and final sign of the Apocalypse. It appears that Nostradamus was right: 2010 is the year of the Apocalypse.

Now we shall find out once and for all if the Jewish born lamb is on the side of the Christians or the Muslims. Will Jesus Christ and the Mahdi conquer the world for Islam or will it be Jesus Christ versus the Mahdi, best of seven?

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yuk editors AWOL Friday, Jan. 15, 2010 at 7:40 AM
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