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God the Terrorist

by Nematode Friday, Apr. 10, 2009 at 12:13 AM

Watch out, God is an evil terrorist.

In the time of Moses, Egypt was a dictatorship ruled by an absolute ruler: The Pharaoh.  Over the course of time, before the time of Moses, many tribes had been drawn to Egypt.  It was a thriving Kingdom.  Like the Egyptians themselves, many of those who came to settle in Egypt became slaves.  Slave or not, all were subject to the Pharaoh.  It was the Pharaoh who made the laws.

According to the story of Exodus, a story which is celebrated at this time of the year as Passover, God instructed Moses to aid Him in a series of terrorist attacks and acts of collective punishment against the powerless people of Egypt.  Some may object that these acts of God were not acts of terrorism, but they would be wrong in their objections.

What is terrorism?  If we dispense with the definitions created by governments and political ideologies that use the word “terrorism” as an instrument and stick to its essential definition, we have: “terrorism – the systematic use of terror, especially as a means of coercion.”

Let us consider the acts of God in relation to the people of Egypt.

In the story of Exodus, God sent his terrorist cell leader, Moses, to makes various demands upon the Pharaoh.  The central demand was that the Pharaoh let the people of Moses free.  Now this is not an unreasonable demand.  Holding humans in bondage is a crime against humanity and the Pharaoh was no humanist.  However, it is the work of Pharaohs to enslave their fellow man.  Indeed, the Pharaoh, in addition to the people of Moses, enslaved many other tribes, including his fellow Egyptians.  It is not the goal of Moses that makes his campaign a campaign of terror.  Freeing his people is a good goal.  It is his means that makes his campaign a campaign of terror.

When God sends Moses on this mission of terror, he tells Moses: “When thou goest to return into Egypt, see that thou do all those wonders before Pharaoh, which I have put in thine hand: but I will harden his heart, that he shall not let the people go. (Exodus, Chapter 4, 21)”  These “wonders” that God refers to are acts of collective punishment, including famine and biological warfare.  Collective punishment is a crime against humanity.  Moreover, God, in His omniscience, not only knows that the Pharaoh will not meet the demands, but prevents the Pharaoh from meeting the demands.  He prevents the Pharaoh from responding positively by “hardening his heart,” thus guaranteeing that even more dramatic steps will be taken to bring about results.  Famine and biological attacks are sure to provoke terror amongst the people of Egypt.  That God plans upon inflicting these systematically conclusively demonstrates that God is intent upon achieving His goals through “the systematic use of terror, as a means of coercion.”

The people of Egypt have no say in whether or not the Pharaoh lets the people of Moses go.  God knows this.  God's plan is to terrorize the people of Egypt to the point where they are no longer governable and thus to make the Pharaoh's situation untenable, this untenableness being the the coercive force that will allow God to achieve his goal.  Of course, the omnipotent God could just teleport the people of Moses away from the Egyptians.  This would be a gentile means, worthy of a God, to achieve this just goal.  God, being a terrorist, rejects this options and insists upon using terrorism.  He calls these acts “wonders” in the same way that Donald Rumsfeld, more than three thousand years later, will refer to the bombing of Iraq as “shock and awe.”

As explained above, the people of Egypt are innocent.  They have no control over the Pharaoh, short of insurrection.  The most innocent of the innocent, however, are the children of Egypt.  Despite their innocence, it is the children of Egypt for whom God reserves the most cruel and terrifying punishment.

According to the Book of Exodus, when the Pharaoh, on consequence of having his heart hardened by God himself, said: “At midnight I will enter into Egypt: And every firstborn in the land of the Egyptians shall die, from the firstborn of Pharao who sitteth on his throne, even to the firstborn of the handmaid that is at the mill, and all the firstborn of beasts.  And there shall be a great cry in all the land of Egypt, such as neither hath been before, nor shall be hereafter. (Exodus: Chapter 11, 4-6).”  As if being a terrorist is not enough for God, God clarifies that the difference between how he treats the people of Moses and the people of Egypt is one of race:  “But with all the children of Israel there shall not a dog make the least noise, from man even to beast; that you may know how wonderful a difference the Lord maketh between the Egyptians and Israel. (Exodus: Chapter 11, 7).” Thus God makes it clear that he is not merely a terrorist, but he is a racist terrorist.

God then makes the people of Moses accessories to His crime by instructing them to leave a secret code about the exterior of their dwellings by which God will know to not murder the first born within: “And I will pass through the land of Egypt that night, and will kill every firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast: and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgments; I am the Lord.  And the blood shall be unto you for a sign in the houses where you shall be; and I shall see the blood, and shall pass over you; and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you, when I shall strike the land of Egypt. (Exodus: 12, 12)”

God, the terrorist, then instructs the people of Moses to celebrate this act of mass murder and terrorism as a memorial for all time: “And this day shall be for a memorial to you; and you shall keep it a feast to the Lord in your generations, with an everlasting observance.”

And so now, during this time of “Passover”, we celebrate God's act of terrorism.  Happy Passover, and shame on us for celebrating it!
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