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Al Gore Urges Masturbation to end War and Global Warming

by Karen Fish Monday, Nov. 05, 2007 at 6:22 AM

It’s more convenient than going extinct.

Al Gore Urges Mastur...
algore2.jpg, image/jpeg, 470x313

Albert Einstein said, “If at first the idea is not asurd then there is no hope for it.” Barack Obama refuses to attack Hillary Clinton because he is practising “the politics of hope”. On a subconscious level the American people are only capable of electing Presidents who are named after parts of the female genitalia. We have a large hill to climb to end war and global warming but sometimes the solution we do not see is right in front of our nose.

During the Civil War Abraham Lincoln prophetically wrote, “As a result of war, corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands, and the republic is destroyed. I feel at this moment more anxiety for the safety of the country than ever before, even in the midst of war. God grant that my suspicion may prove groundless.” Thomas Jefferson, the author of the Declaration of Independence wrote “We must crush at its birth the aristocracy of the moneyed corporations.” The last thing that the defense contractors and oil companies want is that the American people should all begin masturbating on a regular basis.

Al Gore won two Academy Award statues and a Nobel Peace Prize for his film “An Inconvenient Truth”. If a woman or a man wishes to experience the delight of orgasms, is it more convenient to engage in internet dating, then a coffee date, then dinner with a total stranger, or to lie down in your own bed and masturbate?

At a recent draft Al Gore fundraising meeting in Kennebunkport, Maine, population 4,000, Al Gore told the attending dignitaries, “Examine the following chain reaction: Sexual Relations > children > overpopulation > billions of drivers > global warming > Arctic and Antarctica melt > world sea level rises permanently 100 feet > all Mountain Glaciers Melt > all rivers and lakes run dry > no drinking water > nuclear world wars over oil and water > all life on earth goes extinct. Now, replace the root cause of this catastrophe, sexual relations with masturbation and voila, we create the Garden of Eden on Earth. As the Lord God said, “Love Yourself”.

Dr. June Machover Reinisch, Ph.D., Professor of Psychiatry at Indiana University from 1982-1993 says that women who masturbate experience greater physical and emotional health, more orgasms, heightened sexual desire, higher self esteem, multi orgasms and greater marital satisfaction, here: Very few women in Darfur have contracted AIDS from masturbating. Al Gore points out in “An Inconvenient Truth” that the Darfur conflict was caused by drought which was caused by global warming. Al Gore also points out that when the Himalayan Mountain glaciers finish melting completely and the rivers of Asia run dry the disaster of billions of people dying of famine will make the Iraq War look like a day at Disney World. If the people of earth do not begin masturbating furiously immediately we are all doomed.

10,000 years ago the earth had 5 million people living on it. Today the earth has 6.4 billion people living on it, on its way to 9 billion by 2050, thanks to the the pharmaceutical industry. As you can see, penicillin is a double edged sword. Overpopulation, 6 billion people on a tiny ball flying through space built for 100 million people, which it would have if not for the super brilliant and super idiotic 3 pound human brain, is the root cause of war, global warming, and human extinction in the very near future. The average adult human brain weighs 1400 grams and the average brain of a sperm whale weighs 7,800 grams. What do those whales think about all day?

The Lord God told Adam and Eve not to eat the fruit from the knowledge tree. The snake in the parable is a symbol for Mr. Johnson, the 36th President of the United States. The fruit was later called “the apple” by Bible Scholars, symbolic of Eve’s derriere. Because Mr. Johnson convinced Adam and Eve to disobey the Lord God, Adam and Eve were forced for the first time to wear clothing and to feel shame. Would you prefer to feel the shame of masturbation or the shame of causing the extinction of all life on earth forever? Al Gore said, “The inconvenient truth is that we are all animals who need clean water, food and air to survive. You cannot break the laws of nature, but if you do it will break your back, no matter how many scientific global warming documents George Bush, the puppet of the American Petroleum Institute now leading us into Iran and Nuclear World War III doctors.” Now lets all lick our fingers and come together, right now, here:

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