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My Big Prank on President Bush

by Ezra Niesen Monday, Feb. 05, 2007 at 8:53 AM
Tylermaudib (no I don’t want your junk mail!)

Three years ago I stumbled into the midst of a new scientific movement. So I set out to turn the tables on President Bush myself. It was a long shot at the time. I never realized how many people were going to be trying to impeach him by now. Here’s my story…

My Big Prank on Pres...
ezra_niesen_05.jpg, image/jpeg, 240x350

I have pulled off the biggest prank in the history of the world.

In February of 2004 I got the idea to use evolutionary science to write a book that was better than the Bible—before a lot of young men started getting drafted to go die in somebody’s religious war. Since religion studies humanity in ancient terms and science studies humanity in modern terms, writing a better book than the Bible wasn’t hard at all.

In the debate over evolution versus intelligent design, there was a hell of a lot more at stake than the public was ever told. HUMAN evolutionary science studies (among other things) what everyone in the world has in common and where their differences originated, and does it in a way that’s unbiased to any religion or culture. That makes human evolutionary science the ultimate weapon for civil rights activists and international peace activists, especially for those in countries with secular governments.

The Bible accomplishes a number of important psychological and sociological functions for its followers, including explaining (albeit unscientifically) what makes the universe work, what happens to people after they die, how people can make themselves happy, and how to get people to cooperate with each other. What many people don’t realize is that the people of every other civilization in the world figured out the same things—because they’re evolutionarily equal members of the same species who have asked the same questions about life. Beneath their aesthetic differences, every group of people in the world is just like every other group of people in the world. Unfortunately, most people just can’t see the forest for the trees.

In order to write a better book than the Bible, all I had to do was to use evolutionary science to show people the forest. I don’t have to tell anybody what to believe; I just have to show how people all over the world already believe in the same things. I don’t have to tell anybody what to do; I just have to show how people all over the world are already trying to do the same things anyway. If I can use evolutionary science to make everyone equal at last and bring about Peace on Earth and Good Will toward Men and Women, how can anyone who claims to represent Jesus disagree with it?

I titled my reference book to life 42, because that’s what you get when the people of two 21st century civilizations stop fighting amongst themselves and start adding their best qualities together for achange. That, and anyone who can truly understand my sense of humor is already a Douglass Adams fan anyway.

But I realized that Christian fundamentalists would never take seriously a book that was supposed to be better than the Bible unless that book bore a certain title. So I applied for a copyright on the alternate title The Third Testament, just as a joke, because I thought that would be a funny title for a book about evolution. I assumed some clerk at the Library of Congress was going to take one look at my application, chuckle a little, and stamp it DENIED. So when I got my application back, you just imagine my shock and awe when I learned that the copyright had actually been awarded to me by the federal government under George W. Bush’s own administration.

Then I recorded the entire book as an audio book and posted it on my website for free download, at www. newbookforanewworld. com.

The problem with arms races is: no matter how powerful of a weapon you build, your opponents will never stop looking for a weapon that can defeat it. All those people out there who are weaponizing the Bible should’ve seen this coming. What was I supposed to do? Crash an airplane into a building?

I am invincible. Thanks to human evolution, I’ve harnessed a power that no military on Earth can defeat: When I throw a party, everyone’s invited. Just leave your guns at home and come as you are.

Now let’s get this party started!

(This article free for all non-commercial reuse.)

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The Book Cover

by Ezra Niesen Monday, Feb. 05, 2007 at 8:53 AM
Tylermaudib (no I don’t want your junk mail!)

The Book Cover...
21998218v1_240x240_f.jpg, image/jpeg, 194x240

(printed copies also available through my website)

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