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The Second American Revolution : The Garden of Eden

by Brent Herbert Thursday, Jul. 20, 2006 at 4:03 PM

Make haste my beloved, and be like a gazelle, or like a young stag upon the mountains of spices.

I have gone back to one of my old hobbies, that of watching the Sahara, looking for signs of a Garden of Eden, because I am anticipating some rain on that place to go along with the big cloud shaped wing on Earth Day, April 22nd, 2001. Let's just say that it will have to rain on that desert before a church would ever catch sight of me, for as it was said, first they must eat their bread of affliction, and after having been forced to down such an unpleasant loaf, the only thing left to do is to wash the loaf down with the waters of adversity. There is this little semi-circular thing on the fringe of the desert today, that looks like it might be a low pressure system, forming into a kind of whirl wind, which would be nice, for you see, the wrath of YAHWEH will burst out like a storm, and like a furious whirl wind it will burst out over the heads of the wicked. In the days to come you will really understand this if you cannot understand it now. However that would not be today, or even next week, since the wrath of God must burst out over the heads of the wicked and that means making damn sure that it bursts out over the heads of the wicked and not everyone else. This requires more work to be done, and in order to make progress as quickly as possible, should we wish to progress, that would then require that a church go for a good long drink at the fountain to wash the taste of that loaf out of their mouths, because once people have eaten such a loaf they usually feel the need to rinse out their mouths before they feel much in the mood to talk over fences once again.

Speaking of the Garden of Eden, and breads of affliction, I was contemplating recently how when it comes to sex, the only people in this place who seem to be righteous are prostitutes, because they will sleep with anyone. There is something wrong with everyone else, and I cannot put my finger on exactly what the root cause of such an affliction might be. No doubt some Garden wrecking snake is involved in the sorry mess in some way, since whenever you see some damage in a Garden you can always be sure that a snake has been at work, since it is the task of snakes to keep people out of Gardens so they can be kept in cages instead.

Since prostitutes are the only really righteous people in the world when it comes to sex, this would then explain why this Jesus spent so much time with prostitutes. You see, he would have preferred the company of righteous people when he was off the job as a revolutionary, and since religious people were not to his taste, not being righteous, he had to look around to find someone righteous he could spend some time with, and that turned out to be the prostitutes.

Now I know that the spin doctored gospel version tells us that when Jesus was caught by some religious pharisee while a woman was kissing his feet, this was because he had just saved a doomed sinner from the eternal waffle iron, and to show her gratitude for this act of condescension on the part of the Holy Jesus, the woman was humbly kissing his feet, since foot kissing is what you do to a tyrant if they agree not to grill you like a grilled cheese sandwich. You get down before that psycho and you kiss the psychos feet and consider yourself lucky. This is the official church version of the story of Jesus and the prostitute who was kissing his feet, and that is no surprise, when you consider that it was the religious right who voted on the canon in the fourth century, and therefore since the waffle iron theology of a domineering feudal landlord is the ideology of the religious right, naturally they would canonize that thing, just before they hopped onto to the throne to help the ruthless system of oppression maintain its grip on brainwashed serfs, who would now have a canon, and thus would be brainwashed for thousands of years, as you can tell when you look back over it all.

Spin doctoring is the reason gospels were written, or at least the gospels that we have, and since the purpose of the spin was to spin a religious right wing cobweb around that revolutionary known as Jesus and cynically turn him into a tool of right wing oppression. This would have to wait until he was crucified for being one of the most brilliant revolutionary theorists of all time, as people are going to find out, since I am going to give them a live demonstration of what happens when you have a revolution following the plan laid out by that Jesus. Once that Jesus had been safely crucified and out of the way, it would then be time for that counter revolutionary spin doctoring known as religion, which then explains why we are having a revolution based upon Jesus today, while we only had church for thousands of years, which was not revolutionary as you can tell, for the world went to hell in a hand basket as it was intended to do when religion was first invented. At least someone had good luck working on their project, even if it wasn't that Jesus.

Now if we throw out the waffle iron spin doctoring added to the foot kissing story, then what we are left with is a foot kissing story, and while it might be true that people kiss the feet of tyrants to show that they have completely surrendered to the tyrants power and thus will be good for now on if only they don't get the full treatment in the waffle iron, it is also true that people kiss feet for other reasons. The reasons why people kiss feet are obvious, and it is because it is obvious that we have spin doctoring. You should keep this principle in mind when you read gospels which have been canonized by the religious right. You keep the scandal and throw out the spin. You retain the obvious explanation and ignore the attempts to torture up a new right wing approved explanation and voila, you discover the ‘historical Jesus'. The reason why this works is that it was not possible to destroy this Jesus, so he had to be hidden under shovels full of manure. Because he was hidden and not destroyed therefore with some digging he can still be found. But it will require digging, for the kingdom of heaven is like a pearl of great price that someone found while digging in a field. He then quickly buried the pearl so as to hide it once again, and who then sold everything that he had so that he could buy the field and thus get the pearl of great price.

You can always get a positive ID lock on a Garden wrecking snake since such snakes hate Gardens and thus are never found to stop bitching about Gardens, but they like cages, and in fact can be found praising cages, and encouraging people to go into cages, where, they say, with the loving help of Jesus they can shoot up with dope to numb the boredom and pain of the cage. The fact that religious dope makes cage life bearable is then used as selling point for religion by some Garden wrecking Pharisee, who hates Gardens because if people were in Gardens they wouldn't be in cages. This, apparently, would be a problem.

If you want to find a snake, you mention Jesus and foot kissing and then mention the bit about how you are wiping your ass with the religious right spin doctoring and just keeping the foot kissing and throwing out the waffle iron, and then what will happen is that a snake always goes into a fit of fury when you suggest that Jesus got his feet kissed because he liked sex. Apparently liking sex is not very pious, as you can tell by the pious outrage such a comment will stir up in a snake and which will very quickly come spewing out of the mouth of the Garden wrecking snake. In this way you can know you have got a positive ID lock on one of those weirdo snakes who think Gardens should be off limits so that people can stay in cages where they belong.

You can tell a righteous person by mentioning the bit about starved babies and then watch them express outrage. Garden wrecking snakes do not express outrage on this matter, but rather they are mildly concerned, and if that won't sell, then they are moved to compassion. They are never moved to compassion enough to become outraged, since the only way to make them hopping mad would be to kiss a foot, or kiss something else, like a clitoris, which should be kissed, because it is the mother of a penis, since every penis was a clitoris in the womb before a rush of hormones resulted in the creation of a penis instead. As we all know a penis likes a place that is wet and warm and it turns out that so does the clitoris, and if a clitoris is not kissed, which obviously is the purpose of a clitoris, then that means that men are patriarchal pigs who have all the fun while women are left wondering what fun really is.

I just thought I would toss that one out there so as to stir up all the snakes wrecking the Garden to a full red faced fury, since it turns out that you can flatten entire cities such as has been happening in Iraq, and never piss off some demented weirdo, but if you kiss a clitoris or kiss a penis that will send some psychopathic weirdo into a frenzy, for you see, it is nonconformist, which is disobedience to authoritarian oppressors, and we can't open the door of a cage even a crack or the hamster inside might escape.

Garden wrecking snakes insist that the ‘family' is the bed rock foundation of that entire cage system of oppression, and since they are so adamant that the family is the bed rock foundation of that system of oppression, I will just take their word for it that there must be something to what they are saying. Now a snake will insist that a family was invented in Eden and so it has always been. Actually people lived in tribes, and thus while a baby had a mother, and might even know who his father was, although sometimes you could never be quite sure, the baby also had lots of mothers and fathers since it was raised in a tribe. Today babies are raised in a cage called ‘the family', which turns out to be just one more box, like every other box, which is why a snake considers that cage in suburbia to be the bed rock foundation of the system of oppression, since it is a training ground for living in such boxes, and since you will be boxed in all your life long, you might as well start getting used to it when you are a baby.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not calling this planet a Garden of Eden. With dragons and snakes around it is not, and while a person is free, and can do anything, as free human beings do, not all things are good to do at any given time, which is a demonstration of the conditional nature of morality. For example, when you have a killer virus around, you adjust your morals to account for that killer virus. If you have birth control available you adjust your morality to having birth control around, which is why the religious right is taking over the United Nations family planning agencies, and denying the third world birth control, for they don't want anyone adjusting their moral system to match up with a scenario where you have birth control and thus don't need to include the moral calculations of pregnancy in your moral decisions the way our ancestors did, not having had much of a choice in the matter. Now that a choice exists, allowing people to reassess their moral values, the religious right snake will of course like to take away that choice, because it is a choice, and any freedom at all is something a fascist does not want people to have. It is nonconformity to the dictates of the cage system, and once a cage door is opened even so much as a crack, the hamster might escape.

Nature abhors a vacuum. That is why a system of oppression has ‘moral values'. For example the system is having a discussion this week because Bush said ‘shit', which, this being that highly moralistic system of oppression, must be spelled ‘sh_t' so as to remind everyone that he said ‘shit' without actually being immoral enough to say ‘shit' yourself, because that would be wrong.

Nature abhors a vacuum, and since a system of oppression has no moral values, but only has moral hypocrisy combined with heaping loads of violent wickedness and brutalization, something must be found to plug the gaping hole, and so for that reason oppressive religion, the primary brainwashing tool of a system of oppression, has sexual morality. Sex is something you can get an oppressor enraged about in one second flat, but you can count starved baby corpses for years, using a javascript ticker that eventually reaches over a hundred million, and keeps ticking, and that does not outrage a Pharisee. If a starved baby was having sex, or if someone felt up a starved baby, that would initiate an instantaneous response, but just a starved baby itself will initiate no response at all, except perhaps compassion, and a quick call for a donation or something like that, but never outrage. Never outrage. Outrage is only for sex, and so therefore I have decided to outrage the oppressor by being sexual and in figurative terms I will be on display getting my feet kissed or my penis kissed, and other outrageous acts, so that I can watch my oppressors rage, not having seen them rage, really really rage for years, and since outrage is a refreshing change of pace when you are living among the down trodden in a brutalized system of oppression, I thought I would make stirring up outrage a project of mine, the difference between myself and a snake in the Garden being simply this : I will be getting outraged about oppression, which is nasty and bad, while a snake will be getting outraged about something that is pleasant and nice, like a blow job, and then having taken our positions, I will let people decide which one of those two options represents a valid moral position.

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