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Thursday, Nov. 10, 2005 at 5:15 AM
Bin Laden Surprise Appearance
Man, it was probably like the best experience of my life. Our little terrorist group Al-Amana Brigade 9 gets no respect. When anyone thinks of a terrorist, it is always Al-Queda and Hezbollah and Islamic Jihad. You know how pissed off you become after your fourth car bomb and the news anchor is still describing you as “previously unheard of?” So when my buddy Mohammed comes up to me with his new beheading video, I thought it was going to be pretty lame. No offense, I love the cause, but I mean honestly, once you’ve seen three or four beheading videos it all kind of becomes the same.
Anyway, Mohammed demands that I watch it or he is going to blow us both up. That guy never takes off his suicide belt so I figure he’s not one to joke with. I still refused for a while but Mohammed brought up all of my car bombs videos that he watched. Honestly, Mohammed you are such a freaking martyr.
So I grab a Pepsi from the fridge, settle into the couch, and pop the tape into the VCR.
Well this one starts out the same. It’s infidel this and infidel that and then it goes into the regular list of demands and burning in hell. (No offense Mohammed, I mean I know you are the official spokesperson and everything, but you should really learn to wrap it up a little sooner.)
Just then the camera pans across the room and I can’t freaking believe it. It’s the man! Freakin’ Mr. Bin Ladin! That’s right. It’s OSSAMA BIN LADIN just kickin’ it in the corner of the room! The Sheik! Mr. 911! Just kickin’ it with my terrorist cell. You cannot believe how freaking cool that was. Mohammed was always bragging about his ties to terrorists, but this was amazing.
Well Bin Ladin, he only has about three lines. I don’t even remember what they were --“fire raining down on the great Satan or something.” It was hard to hear because everyone is screaming and jumping up and down and going ape shit.
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