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Ending Our Oil Addiction

by R.A. Hawkins Thursday, Jul. 29, 2004 at 12:21 PM

(There Was Much Wailing And Gnashing Of Teeth)

Ending Our Oil Addiction

(There Was Much Wailing And Gnashing Of Teeth)

R A Hawkins

After the near win of John Kerry after his spin machine nearly destroyed Ralph Nader, Bush decided to create a legacy that even the Green party would be proud of. Yes the left-wingers still lost. On the morning of November the fourth Bush gave a speech:

“My fellow Americans, we have reached a cross roads in the history of man that is unprecedented. We are at war on several fronts and apparently at war within which has been demonstrated by the number of leftwing thugs which were present at the polling places during the last election. It is a federal violation to protest anywhere near a polling place and those that did so have been locked up for intimidating the populace. Those who were involved in these acts and the numerous acts of bribery for votes have been arrested. The same Congressman who was caught with a voting machine in his car in Florida in the 2000 elections was caught again. He once again had a voting machine and numerous ballots in his vehicle. Each and every one of them will be charged with federal election violations and punished accordingly under the law. It is time to end the corruption of the left in this country. The officials in California who swore in tens of thousands of illegal immigrants and gave them voting cards have also been arrested. Those who took part in those ceremonies were blocked from voting. Something interesting happened in this election. I even got the popular vote. Yes we were paying attention this time.”

The reaction by the public was quite interesting. The green party and the other voting blocks of the left, especially the pseudo cons, filed many petitions. (The people who think they are conservative but are actually left-wingers. They can easily be identified by the incessant use of the politically correct ‘N’ word…..neo-con.) Free the political prisoners of the ‘Bushits!’ rallies were held nation wide along with numerous no more blood for oil rallies. The petitions flowed in endlessly. After two months President elect Bush gave another speech:

“We have finally reached a consensus on what should be done regarding our addiction to oil. Numerous citizens have willingly given us their names as volunteers in this our new endeavor to get off of our oil addiction. Each and every one of you who signed the ‘no blood for oil petition’ will be given three months to surrender your vehicle to authorities. We are pleased that you have been kind enough to take one for the team. Your sacrifice will be remembered by your fellow Americans. Your voices have been heard and your wishes shall be answered. We will be pulling out of Iraq over the next six months. Thank you.”

Six months later the oil usage in the country dropped by eighty percent as the leftist elite turned in all the SUVs. As the troops were removed from Iraq everything looked just fine at first. Suddenly one day everyone woke up to some horrific news. There was a new Iranian terrorist super state called “Iranq”. The Russians gloated as they raised their new flag with a picture of three chimerical creatures they called ‘Pickens’ that were a cross between a pig and a chicken. The liberals didn’t realize the pun involved in the naming of the creature because they had been raised and indoctrinated in leftist schools. The Kurds were utterly destroyed as were the Sunnis. The left finally began to raise their voices in disgust at the senseless slaughter in Iraq. Bush decided it was time to take action again so he gave another speech.

“Once again America has spoken and it is time to act. We have a large number of people who have agreed to go to war to liberate the Sunnis and Kurds in the senseless slaughter in Iraq. All of them will be forced to report to their draft boards on Monday morning next week for induction into the service. Their voices and volunteerism will not go unnoticed by the rest of America. We were pleased that they once again provided us with a list of volunteers.”

The rest, as they say, is history. New York seceded from the United States, finally isolating the United Nations building from the U. S. and was flattened by a terrorist bomb just like Paris, who also decided to stay out of the war. The petition signers insisted it be a United Nations operation in ‘Iranq’ and President Bush complied with their desires again. Clinton was appointed their General and denied them the use of any armor like he did in Mogadishu. They were all chased into the Persian Gulf like a stampeding herd of panicking lemmings by a bunch of Iranqian kids carrying plastic keys. The vintage Spanish American war landing craft operated by the U. N. barely got away from the lemmings. Clinton was on the phone with one of the liberal Senators discussing troop movements and was heard to say in mumbling tones….”Leave the dress here.” The Senator thought he said press so the story went unreported. By the end of that year there was a huge budget surplus and the only military unit that survived the conflict was Clintons’ special gay brigade, which jumped ship somewhere near Greece.

Of course none of this happened. All I have to say to all of you in America is grow up! Europe………….You are the greatest threat to world peace, as always. Maybe the next time you call for help we will give you the appropriate answer. You are the ones gaining the most from the Iraqi oil flowing again and you are as grateful, as always. You have also helped in the usual manner, as always.

R.A. Hawkins is the author of "Through Eyes of Shiva", available through Visit -- Entropical Paradise - The Home Of R.A. Hawkins for more commentaries and editorials by R.A. Hawkins.

Comments are always welcome. Please send them to

© 2004 R.A. Hawkins

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Of course none of this happened Through The Thighs of Shiva Thursday, Jul. 29, 2004 at 5:19 PM
Sheepdog takes another lick Shiva Monday, Aug. 16, 2004 at 8:36 PM

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