You see, Zindler is a guy who keeps lists. ZINDLERS LISTS. No one knows how many lists Zindler has. If he showed them all to me he would have to kill me. Notice how he wears dark shit fly green sunglasses. Zindler is a mastermind in the ways of espionage. I would like to shake one hand of the new Iraqi buisnessmen on ZINDLER'S LIST.

THE NEW SADDAM, Paul Bremer, repeatedly threatened to randomly murder Fallujah residents for burning a car and hanging some goats. An ambassador does not have that authority as far as I know. Using threats and war as diplomacy is a war crime that was defined many years ago.

ABC news produced the qualifying round in tommorow's Bagdad demolition derby. YAHOOOO that looked like fun. Now that troop you saw is gonna probably be in the race. This happens every day.

Putin is the automatic winner 2 seconds before the race starts.

WAYNE, whatever his name is, did not appear on I WITNESS NEWS.

THE KING OF NEPAL has a lot of bucks riding on this one. His chances of winning second place are quite good.

ABC also fabricated a story about the REVOLUTIONARY OF THE WEEK which was lacking all pertainent information. This smells like an attempt to dominate African agriculture to assure famine.

Other local news MORONS are concerned about the safety of the heavily protected chemical belt near Houston Texas. They also line up like pigs if you offer them free gas. Many complain about the price of gas. I am determined to make it go up.

I am not allowed to watch Dennis Miller on the first run so every body had plenty of time to get ready.

NATO was spotted in IRAN on my CATV system. What is NATO DOING IN IRAN? Is the BUSH CARTEL secretly stealing uranium from IRAN? They are secretly stealing oil from IRAN but everybody knows that already. I am fairly sure I can prove it in court.

IRAN is the world capital of uranium.

IN NEWS FOR THE ONE CHINA, I have located one of CHAIRMAN MAO's long lost children. He is the preeminate ballet performer in HOUSTON TEXAS. He has said that he proudly wears the scar given to him by THE ONE CHINA. He said it reminds him of how much his mother loved him. He had nothing bad to say about the CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD. I have no interest in meeting this man or attending a ballet. He also said that he could not resist the temptation of a once in a lifetime chance. One day I hope to meet the CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD. That would be a once in a lifetime chance. The price on my head restricts certain activities at this time.

Apparantly, he was trained as an artist by the CNG and now performs for local taxpayer money. Somehow, Houstonians will try to define this as a success of capitalism. Luckily, we have communists in the world to prevent the erasure of art by capitalists. We also have good socialists. They are everywhere around Houston.

Here in Houston, one must profess either pacifism or loyalty to the GOP, who control all capitalism, in order to have a "job" or operate a legal business of any kind. They also control all judges. They also brag about giving out death penalties. Voting is hardly relevant.

RALPH NADER, is the primary reason I have not taken up your generous offer to import the CNG TAXI. This man is such a coward. If I redesigned that car for America, I would have to write an article called HOW TO USE AN AIRBAG TO WACK SOMEBODY AND GET AWAY WITH IT 100 DIFFERENT WAYS. Perhaps Ralph was planning this all along. Could Ralph be HAMAS? STAY TUNED.

LIBERAL RADIO ANALYSIS. In today's big debate about the dangers of conservative and liberal radio, Al Franken forgot to call POOGIE MOTE. I think POOGIE is dead. RUSH LIMBAUGH, affectionately known as SUX LIMPBALLS, stole his idea for a talk show from POOGIE MOTE. POOGIE was a political pioneer who ran for high offices in LOUSISIANA. I hope he never got elected. POOGIE used his campaign funds to buy a TV show on SUNDAY for trashtalk. The rest is history. Rush arrived on the scene shortly after.

LUIS RUKEYSER IS STILL DOWN.

AND DENNIS IS OFF and he made a bad joke about about a bunch of good people but not the THE ONE CHINA and he lied.....and said he understood the WAR. No idiot misunderstands the war worse than Dennis except his script writers.

He had a qualified expert on hand to assasinate his misconception faster than MAO can shoot a monk in NEPAL. YESTERDAY.

Oh, and I missed the last few minutes. TV WAS HIJACKED UNDER THREAT OF IMMINENT DEATH.

The rest of the show was generaly nonoffensive which is not important. JUMPING to conclusions and sentencing people to death in the media is.

I will try to catch it later.

WELL, I guess that DOMINO PLAN didn't work so let's line em up again tommorrow. Tommorrow I will probably be doing surveilance on the MONTROSE BEER AND GUN CLUB. Don't forget to look out for ANDY SERWER. HE IS ARMED AND DANGEROUS. HE HAS A ROLL OF DUCT TAPE and a ONE DOLLAR BILL.

by Albert Kada
Independent Terrorist Journalist
World's only publisher of computer viruses besides Microsoft.
designer of the Patriot softwareless electronic voting machine.
designer of the IONOSPHERE HOG.
Stolen from the the frequently unpublished newspaper "The American Blasphemer" please copy