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Thursday, Jan. 11, 2001 at 9:45 AM
Who is the all-knowing, the all-seeing, the all-encompassing, the death and the life, the light and the darkness, our sex and our blood?
WHO ARE STUDENTS FOR AN UNDEMOCRATIC SOCIETY?
We are the children of the political, military, and business elites of America. We have worked for years to undermine democracy worldwide, and seek to celebrate the fact that-with the installation of presidents Cheney and Bush-even the pretense of American democracy has at last been cast aside. We march in support of the property-owning, white heterosexual male who rules by violence.
NO, WHO ARE YOU REALLY?
We're artists, actors, and activists using satire to point out the absurd, massive injustices inherent in a Bush-Cheney administration, and to question how democratic this country ever really was to begin with. We're especially focused on the legalized bribery of the campaign finance system, the disenfranchisement of African-American voters in Florida and elsewhere, Bush's murderous infatuation with the death penalty and the prison-industrial complex, militaristic US foreign policy, the chauvinist and homophobic anti-sex policies of the nascent administration, and the obscene income gap prevalent in the American economy. These problems were bad under Clinton and they're only going to get worse under Bush. There are surely many, many more things to be angry about, but let's face it, if you're reading this you probably already know.
SO WHAT'S THE JOKE?
We're going to be dressing up as "banana republic" dictators and marching around DC on J20 (example: http://www.theonion.com/onion3641/clinton_president_for_life.html), maybe antagonizing some real-life right-wingers, and generally doing media and street performance stunts to illustrate our point(s). Here's a quick "how-to" rundown for any interested do-it-yourself SUDS (feel free to use, abuse, and alter these ideas, or to create and share your own).
The important thing is that your SUDS affinity group be uniform. Remember, you're fascists! The NY chapter has decided to wear black and olive drab and decorate it with various medals and military-style patches. As far as uniformity goes, we'll all be wearing aviator sunglasses, gold epaulets, and matching sashes. We'll also be wearing black "W" baseball hats. Kind of like Michael Jackson circa 1885.
The big one is a large picture of Bush with the caption, "OBEY." Also possible are "Kneel Before Bush" and "Kneel Before Cheney;" "Bush for Emperor;" "Students for an Undemocratic Society;" "This is What Totalitarianism Looks Like;" "All Hail Bush;" "War is Peace;" "Freedom is Slavery;" "Ignorance is Strength." And so on. Here's one from the Church Ladies for Choice, sure to be a hit with the Christian right: "Jesus Loves the White Male Fetus" (apologies to any radical Christians out there).
"Kneel Before Bush!," in a British accent, like Terence Stamp as General Zod in Superman II.
"This is what the apocalypse looks like!"
"What do we want? Nuclear holocaust! (or prison labor, death camps, martial law, the death penalty, sweatshops, free trade, repression, subjugation, etc.) When do we want it? Now!"
"More blood for oil!"
"Brick by brick! Wall by wall! We're gonna smash, imprison, and oppress you all!"
"There ain't no power like military power 'cause military power don't stop!"
TO START YOUR OWN AFFINITY GROUP, OR HOOK UP WITH OURS:
Whether you'll be in DC on the 20th or want to hold a rally in your hometown, the SUDS concept is fairly easy to put together. The concept also dovetails nicely with the Billionaires for Bush (or Gore), so Billionaire and SUDS affinity groups might want to do co-actions. Also, creating fake "coalitions" with real right-wingers at http://www.loudcitizen.com can be pretty amusing. For further resources, visit our website at http://freespeech.org/suds_unite (if it's not up yet, give us a few days).
TO KEEP IN TOUCH:
JOIN THE SUDS LISTSERV! Be aware that is moderated, to avoid the divulgence of secure information or excessive off-topic posts (most of us are already on quite a few lists). To do this, go here: http://www.egroups.com/subscribe/studentsforanundemocraticsociety
THE SUDS STATEMENT:
Feel free to use, abuse, or alter:
KNEEL BEFORE BUSH! KNEEL BEFORE CHENEY!
Mobutu. Suharto. Fujimori.
For decades, the United States has propped up tin-plated despots not only in Zaire, Indonesia, and Peru, but all over the world. Yet we are the largest imperial power on earth. Shouldn't we have a strongman of our very own?
PRESIDENT BUSH? TRY, "EMPEROR BUSH!"
It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? We all know that America has never really been a true democracy. But in this election, when we bought Dick and George to the tune of 1,617,196 (and, just to hedge our bets, Gore for 2,624,544); disenfranchised black voters in Florida (and all over the country!); and, finally, had a corrupt, nepotistic right-wing Supreme Court install our boys, in the tradition of such great decisions as Dred Scott and Plessy v. Ferguson: well, we did away with even the pretense of American democracy. And for that we're proud.
WHOSE STREETS? NOT YOURS!
Let's face it-our idiot boy-king and his retainer are in charge now whether you like it or not. And you had better like it if you don't want to end up in a Mississippi work camp after the 2003 purges! Here's a simple guide that will help you stop thinking and relinquish control to us, your rightful masters.
KNOW YOUR RIGHTS-KNOW YOUR PLACE!
Give up that pesky identity and join us! It feels good to sublimate your individuality to the machine. Feeling a little "warm in the pants" for someone of the same gender, or of a different race? Or someone you're not married to? Or yourself? In fact, are you feeling "warm in the pants" at all? Take a cold shower, hoss. Once Attorney General Ashcroft (soon to be "Minister of Death Ashcroft") is sworn in, sex is for procreation only. Under penalty of castration!
Feeling "strange," or "angry?" Like you might need to "express yourself" through artwork, or even worse, by speaking or assembling freely? Or maybe you've got a gripe against your boss, your landlord, your bank? Well, shut up and get back to work. "What about the first amendment?," you ask. Shut up and get back to work, we say again, more loudly, this time brandishing our horsewhip.
Maybe you were born "different." Maybe you're strange-looking, or unable to walk, or have "non-white" skin. Well, we property-owning heterosexual white Christian males know that's not your fault. Stay out of trouble, keep your head down, and do everything we say, and maybe we'll find a nice job for you. Just like Clarence Thomas!
MORE PRISONS-MORE PROFIT!
We SUDS are proud of the fact that, with 690 prisoners for every 100,000 people, the US is the world leader in rates of incarceration! That's a six-fold increase since 1970! One in three black males between the ages of 20-29 are under some type of correctional control (1 in 15 white and 1 in 8 Hispanic). And with Presidents Cheney and Bush in office-George presided over a whopping 152 executions in the state of Texas!-it's only going to get better (for us. For you, it's going to get worse). And with Minister of Death Ashcroft, who has praised Confederate slave-holders, is cuddly with Bob Jones University, and has called addicts seeking treatment "the lowest and the least," we're looking at death-camp, USA! With our new "Vassalage 21" initiative, we're hoping to have 87% of the male population behind bars by 2004. Think of the possibilities: no tipping, your waiter's on a work-release program! Your caddy gives you sass? Give HIM a lethal injection! Since 1995, the US has spent .1 Billion in new prison construction alone! That translates into LOTS of cheap labor: future Health & Human Services Secretary (soon to be "Minister of Pestilence") Tommy Thompson passed a budget as Governor of Wisconsin allowing commercial entities to use prison facilities and labor for manufacturing purposes, just like they do in California, Tennessee, Kansas, Ohio, Oregon, Texas, Nevada, and Iowa! The Correctional Industries Association estimates that in 2000, 30 percent of America's inmate population labored to create nearly billion in sales for private business interests like McDonald's, Kmart, JC Penney, Eddie Bauer, Honda, and TWA! And that lily-livered Clinton may have made a whole bunch of offenses now punishable by death, but you ain't seen nothin' yet! Coming soon: sodomy, dissent, and failure to kneel before the Presidents-and you're drawn and quartered!
YOU SAY "SWEATSHOP" - WE SAY "SWELLFARE!"
With all those men locked up, that leaves a heck of a lot of women! And while our "No Sex-No Way" initiative is sure to keep them from reproducing, we'll still need to keep them busy. With the US' continued support of the business-friendly, people-hostile World Trade Organization, we'll keep women chained to sewing machines from China to Nicaragua-and with Labor Secretary (soon to be "Minister of Slavery") Linda Chavez in place, we'll have the same thing here! Once we're done eliminating the last vestiges of the welfare state, those women across the country without education, opportunity, or stable families will make for great cheap labor-and once Minister Chavez gets her hands the minimum wage and the Occupational Safety and Health Act, we'll have the people where we want them-in labor camps!
TREES: A THREAT TO AMERICAN PROSPERITY
For years, we've been hearing overpaid eggheads talk nonsense about "ecosystems" and the "animal kingdom." Well, if they were so smart, they'd be working for the Pentagon, wouldn't they? Sure, it would be nice if we could all have lush, tree-lined estates. But you can't. So shut up and get back to work. Under our new Secretary of the Interior ("Minister of Pavement") Gale Norton, you can kiss Mother Nature goodbye! As Attorney General of Colorado, she presided over that state's worst environmental disaster ever: a spill of cyanide and acidic water from a the Summitville Consolidated Mining Corporation that killed virtually every living thing in a 17-mile stretch of the Alamosa River! Then she had taxpayers foot a cleanup bill of 0 million! It may take decades before clean water runs year-round through the Alamosa, but Minister Norton didn't even try to press criminal charges! Because she believes in allowing the mining, timber and oil industries to police themselves. That's right: harsh state repression on individuals, but none on businesses. Always remember: people aren't people. Corporations are people.
OBEY! LOVE AND HONOR ALL YOU WANT, BUT DEFINITELY OBEY.
People say that we're "sexist." Oh, how little they know, those empty-headed females! In fact, we support 100% this statement from the feminist icon Simone de Beauvior: "There are two kinds of people: human beings and women." And we fully support a woman's right to choose not to have sex (except in cases of rape, incest, or life of the mother).
EAT THE POOR!
Just kidding. They're probably too tough anyway. But we sure will bury them! Here is our three-point solution for dealing with poverty:
Child hunger: according to the United Nations, an estimated 22.4 percent of American children live below the poverty line. And almost half of them (about 10 million families) didn't have enough to eat this year. "Wait," you say, "there's plenty of food to go around!" Well, first of all, shut up and get back to work. Second of all, feeding hungry children just isn't in the best interests of agribusiness. And third of all, screw them! Suffering breeds character! As a solution for this problem, we've taken a page from a fellow named Malthus: let's "thin the herd!"
Child immunization: We opt for the "free-market" solution! FINAL solution, that is! The US Center for Disease Control estimates that only 37 to 56 percent of American two-year-olds are immunized. In some inner cities the rate is as low as 10 percent. Calcutta, Lagos, and Mexico City all have higher child immunization rates than Washington, DC, New York, or even the U.S. as a whole. We say: even 10 percent is too much! By 2004, we hope to have an immunization rate of one percent (our children)! Death is good for the soul!
Homelessness: We've got homes lined up and waiting for them: the homes that you "politically correct" types like to call "correctional facilities!"
BOMBS NOT FOOD
We won't lift a finger to help anybody, but we'll go out of our way to kill them! You know why? Because we're evil, stupid! Now shut up and get back to work. According to the Center for Defense Information, the 5 billion U.S. military budget request for 2001 is more than five times larger than that of Russia, the second largest spender! It's more than twenty-two times as large as the combined spending of the seven "rogue states" (Cuba, Iran, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Sudan and Syria)! It's more than the combined spending of the next twelve nations! And as soon as we get going throwing money at that "Star Wars" missile defense system that's politically popular because it makes people less anxious about nuclear war but doesn't actually work, we're going to roll out our newest, state-of-the-art defense/entertainment programs:
"Aliens:" makes bug-like homunculi pop out of Fidel Castro's stomach!
"Battlefield Earth:" life-size lead John Travolta statues are dropped on Sudanese children's hospitals!
"Night of the Living Dead:" those Republican rent-a-mob protestors from Florida are sent to North Korea with Wayne Newton and a football-sized tactical nuclear bomb!
Will these programs work? Who cares? They'll make us lots of money and we'll get to blow stuff up and kill people!
Union members? People of color? Feminists? Homosexuals? Environmentalists? Radicals?
DON'T LET THE SUN SET ON YOU HERE.
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||Saturday, Jan. 13, 2001 at 9:01 PM
|Get wid it
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