Santa Claus was found dead yesterday hanging on the Christmas tree in the front of the Parliament House in Canberra, Australia. He allegedly committed
suicide.
Recently, one Friday, Ms. Claus went to the local police station and complaint that her husband was abusing her by violently laughing (like Ho-HO-Ho
instead of Ha-Ha-Ha), Policewomen in charge immediately arrested the abuser and put him in the jail to wait for police prosecutor's return from weekend
until Monday. There was no need to search for any evidence as everyone knows that all men are violent and abuse is defined in the law as anything man can
do so why to search for evidence if everything done by men is legally domestic violence. Also, this was what she had to do as per Family Violence Intervention
Program.
On Monday morning, Santa was handcuffed, and after being strip searched and
photographed, he sat in the front of Special Family Prosecutor on the local
Magistrates Court. The Prosecutor hiding behind his glasses and under the
wig, was not interested to hear what Santa had to say as he also know that
all men are violent and arrest was enough good proof for that. He
just asked with strong voice: "Guilty or not guilty". Santa answered: "Not
guilty". Prosecutor issued interim Domestic Violence Order preventing Santa
to go home and his workshop on the North Pole, to change his underpants or
take anything from the home, and not contact anyone including all elves,
children etc.. As Ms. Santa occasionally visited Santa's workshop, prosecutor ordered that Santa can't go back to
North Pole at all and decided that hearing would be in 45 days.
Santa was released on the street. He didn't have any money or documents in
his pocket because he was dragged to police padded wagon straight from his
bed and police didn't neither let him to dress properly nor to take anything
from his home. He went to nearest park and sat on the bench. He was hungry
and depressed, asking himself "who will finished the toys and check the list
twice if I can't do it any more". He slept few nights on the park bench as
shelters only exist for Australian women, eat scraps from the rubbish bins
as he was ashamed to show-up in some soup kitchen. His dignity put him in
hiding.
After 45 days, totally depressed and very slim, Santa appeared on the
Magistrate Court hearing. The Magistrate was black-haired fat short women
and immediately when he wanted to say something in his defence, she stop
him. She was talking to him about woman rights and equality of man and
woman. Strangely she didn't said anything about men's rights. Santa didn't
have a lawyer as a free Legal Aid is also only for women in Australia. Ms.
Claus had a special family lawyer Mr. Nil Law supplied to her by the Legal
Aid for free as she never worked in her life and had no income. She was
actually claiming single parent pension from Contralink on the basis that
Santa left home one Christmas night so they are separated. Two dwarfs were her
witnesses at Contralink, they also witnessed to each other and also obtained
pensions for themselves, as this was all what was needed. Of course,
Contralink do not check if people are actually married and live together as
they duty is to always protect woman wearing pink. This is politically
correct. Ms.Claus didn't tell to Santa that she is receiving pension and
other benefits for single mother as Santa will probably told her that this
is wrong. Instead she wisely choose to spend money on herself and have a
love affair with the Red Nose reindeer but accepting free accommodation,
food, cloths, overseas trips, credit cards, new car and
other things provided by Santa, wisely keeping quiet and pretending that all
is normal while Santa was to busy to notice the laugh under the red nose of
the Red Nose reindeer.
Magistrate, just partially interested, listen this sad Santa story before
stoping him and just said: "Women are free today. You have no right to
prevent them from enjoying life and they have right to love whoever they
want". Santa told: "But we were married for so many years and I put all my
income and work and free time in my family. I never cheat or abuse her. Magistrate said: "you wouldn't be
arrested if you were innocent. You can be charged for offending police and
Government". Santa said: "Marriage is like a long life contract and I did my
share and always paid all bills, provided home and income. It is defined in
the Australian marriage act as relationship for life with exclusion of all
others, even police, courts and even reindeers. There must be some
obligation for wife to contribute to the family and not sleep with the
reindeer". Magistrate said : "No. There is no any. You live in the past."
Magistrate made domestic violence order final and extended it for further 24
months.
Santa realised that he has no home and family any more. Magistrate also
established few new Restraining Orders preventing Santa to disturb the Red
Nose Reindeer and his friends. There was no need for
restraining the reindeer as his wife didn't know for love affair so why to
bother. Magistrate also issued more Restraining Orders for various people
who were friends of Ms. Claus and reindeer as "there was a danger that Santa
can harm them as he is violent man and now has a criminal record for the next 10 years" she said. Reindeer
and his false witnesses were laughing in the background.
As Ms. Claus was on Contralink and Child Support Agency counted as a "single
mother" for years, she immediately downloaded Divorce Kit from the Family
Court website and requested divorce. Child Support Agency sent a letter to
Santa ordering him to pay to Ms.Claus $3,500 each month for their 3 children. He said that he never knew about child support
as his wife was destroying all letters previously sent and now he is
unemployed and can't pay this. Child Support Agency said that he had good
income last year and this year income does not count.
On Family Court divorce hearing, Ms.Santa got home and workshop on the North
Pole, Santa's superannuation and all family assets as "this is in the best
interest of children who will stay with her". Judge also awarded to her
jingle-bells, snowslide, all undelivered toys and maintenance of $4,500 paid
monthly. Santa complained that he is now unemployed and can't pay this and
toys belongs to children, but judge and Ms.Claus barrister were just
laughing as they knew they did an excellent job totally complying with the
Australian law. Santa first claimed that he still love Ms.Claus and that he
didn't had any possibility for reconciliation as all restraining orders are
still valid but that was ignored. He was also charged with contempt of Court
crime as he claimed that all this is "a legal farce" and "there is no
justice on the Australian courts"..
Santa went out very sad and very disappointed and hang himself on the
Christmas tree as he has no any purpose for living any more. He was
prevented to contact his children, he lost everything and he was not able to
defend himself and his marriage. Police Commissioner told to media that
there is no any suspicious events in connection with this case and this is
private matter and police has no jurisdiction to be involved except in just
arrest as they have to protect women from domestic violence. But, it is in public interest that from today
laughing Ho-Ho-Ho is forbidden and declared as a terrorism. All Australians
accept this with comment :" Santa got what he deserved! Most of us never
believed in him anyway". Nobody except few children believed that Santa was
ever good, hard working father and husband.
In the Australian Parliament, members of the Lie-beral Party and Liquor
Party said that Santa case is a proof that we need the war on terrorism and
Prime Minister declared that ASUO told him there is evidence that Santa
delivered Christmas gift to terrorist Osaka Bin Laughing while he was child
so he conspired for long time with Al Quadra, which is well known terrorist
organisation because other President of other state told him that. Anyway,
if Santa is still alive, he would be detained in Qantasnamo Bay without any
help from his Government. Santa was also laughing Ho-Ho-Ho instead of
Ha-Ha-Ha and this is politically incorrect and not appropriate, very violent
and abusive as one woman already complained about that. Someone added that
"Santa also didn't shave and usually very violently wear red dress and his poor wife should now get
all support after surviving her tragic suffering and abuse of laughing and
Santa's red dress for many years. So everyone was on Square.
Before hanging himself, Santa wrote a letter to Attorney General Mr Rudnick
and Minister for family Kway Pietherson. Both of them politely replied that
they have no jurisdiction and everything is according to law. Santa wrote
again to Mr.Rudnick but letter was returned with the note at the top that
"they can't deal with this case as it was send on wrong address and was not
received" Same happened when he complained to Ombudsman, Human Rights
Commission and his Local Member for the North Pole. Contralink National Manager even told to his
local Member for the North Pole that Santa is crazy, he live in the jail and not on the
North Pole at all and he was never married to Ms.Claus they just have same
surname.
HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS IF YOU CAN AS SANTA CLAUS IS NO MORE WITH US !
*** This is actually almost true story except that the name of the author
and others are slightly changed to Santa Claus, his wife to Ms.Claus and he
obviously survived attempt of suicide. Similar cases are closer to you than
you may think - just visit any night, any park or unlocked public toilet in
Australia near you, and you will found unshaved slim man sleeping there. TV News reported yesterday more than 100 homeless men sleep in Canberra only after being "processed" by spouse and the judiciary.
Procedure described above happened every day to about 250 Australian men, 7
of them commit suicide.
