DEMOCRAT

a love story

I THOUGHT ABOUT THE FALL OF THE PRIME MOVERS. BUT AT THE OUTSET I THOUGHT THAT THE ANNOYING LITTLE CAPITALIST INSIDE ME WANTED TO CRYSTALLIZE IT, PITCH IT AS A MINISERIES, MAKE TONS OF CASH... IT SEEMED LIKE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL IDEA THAT ITS CORRUPTION WAS INEVITABLE.

I HAD TO THINK ABOUT IT.

IT WAS A CONCEPT BORN OF ANGUISH AND LOVE.

Love that stayed hiding deep in my gullet while I tramped off to appointments. To catch buses, trains. Love that almost always seemed inappropriate. Out of line. Impractical.

Anguished, I wondered why I had no idea WHY I was going to make these deals, sign these contracts. I had emotions, but they were so often wrailing, piteous feelings that I couldn't get up to the surface. The bills had to be paid, though, and the debt and the fear of debt towered, menacing, always menacing. AT NIGHT, ALONE, BEFORE SLEEP, I WOULD TREMBLE. ANGUISH THAT I COULD NOT TRACE TO A SOURCE. OCCASIONALLY, A SINGLE TEAR. WHO HAS TIME TO SIT UP WEEPING ALL NIGHT? THERE IS PROGRAMMING TO DO IN THE A. M.

I THOUGHT ABOUT THE FALL OF THE PRIME MOVERS. BECAUSE I LOVED SOME FOLKS, AND THEY SEEMED TO HAVE LITTLE MONEY, CLOSER TO NONE. I LOVED THEM UTTERLY; WITH AN INTENSITY WORDS CANNOT RELATE. I LOVED THEM, AND THEY WERE MARCHING OFF TO WAR AGAINST A HORRIBLE ENEMY; AN ENEMY UTTERLY DEVOID OF PITY.

I WATCHED THEM LOCK THEIR ARMS TOGETHER AND BEND THEIR HEADS DOWN, GETTING PUMMELED WITH THE BATONS OF "PEACE OFFICERS" AND GETTING CARTED OFF TO JAILS. PROTESTING. OR ELSE GETTING SWEPT OFF THE STREET LIKE SO MUCH DETRITUS. IGNORED BY THE POLICE AFTER BRUTALLY GETTING THE SHIT KICKED OUT OF THEM. IGNORED OR MALIGNED BY THE MEDIA. BRAVELY, LIKE SOLDIERS.

PATRIOTS FOR A NATION WITH NO NAME AND NO BORDERS. I WAS TORN, ANGUISHED AS I WATCHED THESE QUIXOTIC FREEDOM FIGHTERS DEPLETING THEMSELVES. I DIDN'T WANT THEM TO LOSE BECAUSE THEY WERE FIGHTING FOR ME. THEY HADN'T SAID SO. BUT THEY WERE.

I was tired of watching them fight!

I THOUGHT ABOUT THE FALL OF THE PRIME MOVERS WHILE CHOKING ON THE REALISATION THAT THERE WERE NO ENEMIES.

I THOUGHT ABOUT THE FALL OF THE PRIME MOVERS WHEN THE BAND I WAS IN STARTED PLAYING DIFFERENT TUNES.

I WISHED THAT I COULD FORGET, AT TIMES, THAT THE CORPORATE EMPIRES WERE COMPOSED OF LIVING BREATHING INDIVIDUALS WITH HEARTS AND SOULS, PEOPLE WHO WANTED LOVE AND PEACE.

I WANTED TO FORGET BUT I KNEW. I KNEW THAT THE MASSIVE MEGACORPS WERE MADE UP OF WARM, BREATHING, SENTIENT BEINGS THAT WANTED TO make love AND feel good. HOMO SAPIENS, OR SOMETHING.

I THOUGHT ABOUT JUSTICE, I THOUGHT ABOUT FLAMING ARMAGEDDON.

I THOUGHT ABOUT HEAVEN ON EARTH; I SAID TO MYSELF; "WHAT IF ALL THE MISERY THAT RULES THE EARTH TODAY TURNED INTO JOY?"

I THOUGHT ABOUT THE FALL OF THE PRIME MOVERS AND I QUESTIONED MY OWN GUILTINESS UNTIUL I FELT SOMETHING ELSE. AND I FELT SOMETHING AKIN TO PITY.

PITY FOR A POOR OLD MAN, A SICK TIRED AND VERY OLD MAN WHO THEY PUSH AND PUSH.

THE LAST TIME I HAD SEEN HIM HE LOOKED SO SICK AND TIRED. HIS SPIRITUAL CONSTITUENTS, SOME OF THEM HANG ON HIS EVERY WORD. IT'S HIS JOB AND HE LOOKS SO OLD, SO INFIRM. HE HANGS ON.

PITY FOR MYSELF. YEAH, I WAS THROWING A MAJOR LEAGUE PITY PARTY, NO ONE WAS THERE BUT ME AND MY MEMORIES. PITY.

I FELT PITY FOR THE PROLES, FOR ALL US PROLES WHO DON'T SEE ANY OTHER WAY BUT SLAVING FOR USELESS PAPER UNTIL WE SHIT AND EXPIRE. AND FOR ALL THE SERFS WHO WON'T GET ANYWHERE NEAR AS MUCH AS THAT PAPER, WHO HAVE BROKEN THEIR OWN BACKS FOR GENERATIONS, LIKE OUR ANCESTORS, BREAKING THEIR BACKS IN TOILET PAPER FACTORIES THAT LEACH POISON INTO THEIR GROUNDWATER.

AND I FELT PITY FOR THOSE SO ISOLATED FROM THEIR FEELINGS THAT THEY COULD'T UNDERSTAND ANYONE LIFTING A FINGER AND NOT SEEING A PROFIT.

THE PAIN INSIDE THEM THAT THEY BARELY ACKNOWLEDGED, BARELY UNDERSTOOD; THEIR HEARTS LIKE THE PHANTOM LIMBS OF WAR VERTERANS.

I FELT A GREAT DEAL OF PITY AND I THOUGHT ABOUT THE FALL OF THE PRIME MOVERS.

& I OBSERVED WITH HORROR--ALTHOUGH IT WAS A LITTLE FUNNY--THAT little green men WERE CONTROLLING ALMOST EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING.

MORE WAVES OF PITY FOLLOWED. "BURN A DOLLAR FOR JUSTICE