By Lance Broughton

YellowTimes.org Columnist (New Zealand)

(YellowTimes.org) – At long last, this Bush character has done something useful. With elections looming and a disgruntled population fed up with warmongering and jobs disappearing offshore, he's decided to build the American dream on the moon. Naturally, he'll be a hero. The people at NASA won't lose their jobs and non-thinkers will vote for the Bush administration.

Just imagine what the moon will be like in a few years. There'll be a Wal-Mart in every crater and a Disneyland at each pole. There'll be a Howard Johnson every five miles and solar powered swimming pools on every street corner. To make it seem like home, there will be vacant factories, rundown tenements and drunks sleeping in dumpsters. Drugs will be rampant and corruption so sophisticated that it'll seem like God's word personified. It will be the ideal place for Reality TV.

Recent events in New Zealand indicate that six of George Bush's mates are on a highly secret mission to NZ and Australia to persuade both countries to assist in settling the moon with agreeable citizens. Their mission is so secret that full details of their backgrounds as Republican Senators made the headlines. So much for CIA security.

But there is a dark side of the moon. For the last fifty years, the American economy has been sustained by invading other countries and democratically plundering their wealth.

The only real problem is that Americans will have to invade at least twenty wealthy countries a month to finance their moonbeam adventure. I don't think they should have a go at China or Russia because they will get their backsides well and truly kicked. Like Caesar, they'll be stabbed in the political forum. Perhaps countries with not more than 100 million people might prove more profitable. With Tony Blair nodding wisely, Great Britain will be an excellent stepping stone to Europe. With the military technology available, the stone age can be recycled as an example of modern civilization and a much caring war machine.

But just think of the financial gain to Bush's mates. Enron and Halliburton etc. Multi billions will end up in bank accounts at tax-free outposts on the side of the moon not visible from Earth. Asia will make billions selling toilet bowls to NASA at only half a million each. Parmalat will supply the food using space freighters built by Boeing in Taiwan.

The wealth created will ensure United States residents enjoy a worry free existence. But they won't have jobs because there are millions of Hispanics willing to work for next to nothing simply to gain access to the land of the free. But Americans will be liberated from servitude and have the freedom to do precisely what they're told by government or suffer the electronic consequences. There will be no need for political parties because democratic procedures will ensure that power is retained by those, in the national interest, who believe they know best.

Security from terrorism will be maintained by having a forty year waiting list for all flights. Plastic spoons and paper cups will be barred on all planes and armed marshals will ride shotgun. Toilets will be removed because you can't have people lurking with deliberate intent in the aisles. They might be plotting to overthrow the bar.

Political opponents, people with moustaches and funny names will be interned in stalags in the outback of Australia for life. Australia is largely a desert and vastly unpopulated. Declared enemy combatants, the interns won't have rights or legal representation because they're obviously guilty of unspecified crimes and escaping would naturally be a bit pointless because there's nowhere to go. Kangaroos can pack quite a nasty punch when riled. With the scapegoats out of sight, worldwide military occupation means ultra violent peace on earth. Thus, the American financial problems will be solved.

The only practical suggestion I can make is the entire Bush administration be sent to the moon where they can live in a Saddam style palace appropriately named Hotel Lunatic.

He should go to mars. Take his republican liars and dipshits with him into space. Only we should let the british design the spaceship. they have no use on planet earth other than lying.