There is no one I know, to the left or right, who fails to snicker or crack a dry smile when you mention Arnold "Terminator" Schwartzenegger. With his Hans & Frans accent, bloated biceps, orange crate jaw, giant-Chiclet teeth and GI Joe build, how can anyone view this man as anything but a comic book character sprung to life? No one takes Ze Terminator seriously, except maybe for that 120 minutes or so of suspended reality spent in a darkened cinema popping Milk Duds or curled on the couch clutching a bowl of popcorn and the remote. No one -except maybe the American media and Arnold's mother- could take this man, whose strongest claim to academic achievement was marrying Maria Shriver, seriously.

Trouble is, Ze Terminator takes himself seriously. Very seriously. Just as seriously, alas, as Jesse "The Body" Ventura took himself, to the later woe of the people of Minnesota. As a result, after years of threatening to do so, Arnold has decided to hurl his steroid-laden mass into the political arena. Why now? Is it the lure of endless press coverage and slots on Leno, Today, Meet the Press, and every other venue the Bush Media Empire can arrange? (Afterall, even if he doesn't win, he may at least boost ticket sales to his latest Grade C silver screen adventure). Is it an effort to try to force the public to take him seriously -like a porn star seeking respect by trying out for the job of spokesperson for the Disney Network? Is it because he is such an opportunist that he sees the recall of Gray Davis as his best shot at an otherwise impossible board, just like the other political vultures now circling California?

I say, none of the above.

What then, makes Arnold run? I believe that key people connected to the White House, if not Karl Rove or Bush himself, have asked the Terminator to run. Just a few weeks back, Arnold swore he did not plan to run -an assertion made very soon after the news began to circulate on the Internet that Arnold's father, to whom he attributes his 'discipline' was a Nazi. Not just a Nazi, but a ZEALOUS Nazi who volunteered to be a Storm Trooper (Hitler's shock troops). Although Arnold claims he never knew about his father's background, he clearly embraced his father's Nazi-ish concept of discipline ("I owe my self-discipline to training by my father"), a philosophy that dictates that developing a 'perfect' body is part of one's duty toward creating a 'master race.' This information will most surely now be leveled at Arnold like a barrage of cannon. He will most certainly also be the butt of continuous jokes, jibes, and other indignities as he preens and prances across the media stage in coming months. His chances of winning Sacramento, in the wake of the Jesse Ventura debacle, especially, are about two whiskers above nil.

So what is the point of such an exercise in futility? Why would the White House WANT Arnold to run? Because Arnold, like a great big red media bull's eye, will draw the public's fire from BUSH. In short, Arnold is being used as a decoy. Instead of hammering away at Bush as a Nazi, a buffoon, and phony, the public can turn these same sentiments, interchangeably, against Arnold. At least that is what the Rove brigade hopes. That Bush has been wisked off the stage for a month while Arnold is being maneuvered out toward the footlights, front and center, is undoubtedly part of the plan. That several key Repbulicans are, right on cue, already loudly "complaining" about Schwartzenegger's race is also part of the script, designed to focus maximum attention on Storm Trooper Arnold rather than Fuehrer George.

The fact that Arnold has agreed to this scheme is chilling proof, to me, that he is indeed his Daddy's boy. By agreeing to run in California, Arnold will make a further travesty out of America's democratic system. He will undoubtedly lose the race and what little credibility he may have had politically and he will probably lose his wife (Maria reportedly pleaded with him not to run). He will besmirch his family with the revelations about his father and, last but not least, lose a great deal of money. But, as his Daddy would have said...."I vas just following orders!"