“Embedded Truths?”

A few days into our liberation of Iraq, the news if full of proud displays of journalistic integrity: the embedded reporter. All I can say is that it’s about time the Pentagon got a hold on the news and some of this overrated “freedom of the press” by carefully placing reporters out in the field with the troops. We don’t want to repeat Viet Nam, we want someone to tell the truth about our praiseworthy deliverance of the Iraqi people and not confuse our youth at home with ugly pictures of civilian casualties and monologues about how long the war lasts, what the body count is or how much the war costs us. We need support, not criticism.


Who wants to hear all those whiny, ungrateful protesters loudly chanting about trivial concerns like justice, health care and media propaganda? They must be paranoid to believe that NBC would promote the war just because its owner, GE, makes a fortune selling military hardware. These protesters must think corporations are corrupt or greedy for profit. How do these people get to be so cynical?


Besides, aren’t these protesters taking this “freedom of speech” thing a bit too far? I think they’re obsessed with the whole “right to assemble and dissent” as if America isn’t about other things like shopping and supporting Our Leader no matter what. Like our forefathers who fought the subversive hippies of the 60’s, I say “America: love it or leave it!” We don’t need those creative, intelligent types around anyway – they just stir up trouble by getting people to think and change things. We’ve got a system here, and dammit, it works for everybody, if you just go along with the program and don’t question everything.


I was talking with my one liberal acquaintance (I avoid making liberal friends, they make my head hurt), and he was praising these protesters and criticizing Our Leader for dismissing the millions and millions who protest the war worldwide. My friend, the naïve liberal - what a commie! Who cares what protesters think? We’ve got the guns! And why shouldn’t their governments ignore them in favor of what Our Leader wants? After all, we are the winners here – this is the New World Order, and we’re top dog. It makes me feel more powerful and significant than anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s a good thing I have solid sources of journalism like Rush Limbaugh to keep me from falling prey to liberal subversives like my friend. These days, it’s lucky ol’ Rush can stay on the air, what with all the liberal media that’s out there.


My liberal friend says that the word “embedded” says it all – that “sell-out” reporters are digging into the “beast that is the Pentagon” like some sort of tick or chigger feeding on the blood of war. What a whacko. I wonder what Mr. Liberal would do without the Pentagon to protect him from Saddam? Some people don’t appreciate their freedom and they should just shut up about it. Then Mr. Liberal said something about how the word embedded also made him think about the “incestuous relationship between the corporate media and the government”. With crazy ideas like that, I wonder if my friend is losing his mind. He’s so confused, he even went so far as to say that he was supporting the troops by wanting to bring them back immediately. How does that make sense? I mean, what are we paying all these taxes for if we can’t use our military once in a while?


Maybe my friend’s problem with embedded reporters is that Mr. Liberal went to college and we all know, as Limbaugh and Horowitz say, college professors are all just flaming-liberal aging hippies. They’re just bitter that their revolution was cut short at Kent State by the National Guard, but that’s how you deal with subversives. We can’t have our young people trying to change things, and try to bring in some sort of weird utopia of justice and abundance – it wouldn’t be good for business. And what’s good for business is good for America.


So, I don’t really know what Mr. Liberal’s problem is, but it’s probably his education. Sometimes, too much thinking is a bad thing. Simple, and straightforward is how I like it – an easy world of black-and-white. That’s why I like those embedded reporters, they make it easy for me to follow the war and feel confident in the methods and motives of Our Leader, and I need that. What, with this poor economy and struggling to provide for my family, I surely don’t need anything else to worry about.

But, then again, maybe I shouldn’t worry: war is good for the economy and we’ve got our free press right there to capture the images of our recovery.