Terror Level Threat to be Sponsored By Looney Toons

US Government Seeks to Reduce Deficit Through Corporate Sponsorship Program



by Rick Garman Affiliated Press Writer



WASHINGTON - Facing a record $300 billion deficit for the 2004 fiscal year, the Bush Administration has announced a new initiative that will allow corporations to sponsor high-profile federal programs, starting with a $100 million deal that will allow Warner Bros. to brand the terrorist threat level indicator as "The Loony Toons Treehouse of Terror."



Effective immediately the Homeland Security Department will be enhancing their color-coded chart with classic Warner Bros. cartoon characters that will represent the various threat levels.



Tazmanian Devil Red (formerly Severe) - It's a Taz Attack!

Yosemitie Sam Orange (formerly High) - He's got a six shooter and he's after some "varmints"

Tweety Yellow (formerly Elevated) - "I tawt I taw a tewwowist"

Bugs Bunny Blue (formerly Guarded) - The "wascally wabbit" is worried that Elmer Fudd might be in the forest!

Marvin Martian Green (formerly Low) - "Oh goody!"



"We believe the new Loony Toons Treehouse of Terror will not only aid in our efforts to keep the public informed of the terrorist threat level," said Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge, "But it will be a great way to educate kids on the dangers of living in the modern world."



"It's fun, too!" added a jubilant President Bush.



The declines in the US economy have led corporations to experiment with associating their image with government programs that may have unpleasant connotations such as a terrorist attack, a move that would've been considered too risky during the booming '90s.



"It's a gamble, sure," said Warner Bros. Animation President Carl Carter. "But ultimately we realized that every time there's a change in the terrorist threat level it gains worldwide media coverage. You can't buy that kind of publicity!"



The corporate sponsorship program of the terrorist threat level was announced just as the Homeland Security Department raised the terrorist threat level to "Yosemite Sam Orange." A short animated cartoon was broadcast during the press conference featuring Yosemite Sam in a nefarious plot to kill Bugs Bunny with a bomb attached to a piano. After the cartoon rabbit repeatedly played the simple tune incorrectly, Yosemite Same steps in to play the proper notes and the piano explodes.



"Ooooooo," says Sam in response.



Details on additional corporate sponsorships were not publically announced but sources within the administration indicate that negotiations with several large companies are continuing.



One potentially lucrative deal would be "The Verizon War on Iraq." Pre-production is reportedly underway on a series of commercials that will show the campaign spokesperson wandering through battlefields and bombed out neighborhoods in Baghdad saying "Can you hear me now?"