September 16, 2009

TALKIN' TEA PARTY PARANOID BLUES



Among the numerous Bob Dylan bootleg recordings from the analog age when there were such things, is a gem that became an urban legend in the early 1970s, "Talkin' John Birch Paranoid Blues".

I first heard the song, which according to some was one of the original rap records, played on a Los Angeles FM station - and my mind was blown to bits. I'd never heard anything like it, became obsessed with finding a copy of the album, and eventually snapped one up for a couple of bucks at a swap meet.

Flash forward to the other day when I came across The Wall Street Journal's take on the Tea Party phenomenon. Reading about the party poopers' paranoia brought back memories of Dylan's verse, which for better or worse (the latter, no doubt) I took the liberty of reworking.

Well, I was feelin' angry and feelin' mean

It got so bad it liked to nearly bust my spleen.

Them Socialists they wus everywhere,

Spendin' too much,

Hirin' all them illegal aliens.

They wanna steal our freedom to fix health care...

So I called the 800 number quick as can be

And joined up with the Tea Party.

I got me a free ticket to ride the Express

And I hopped on the bus that wus headin' out west.

Wow-Wow, this party really rocks!

Look out you Socialists!

Now, we all agree that Rush is right,

Even when he's higher than a kite.

It don't matter too much that he is a Facist,

At least you can't say he's a Socialist!

That's like sayin' if you got a cough smoke a carton of Lucky Strikes.

Well, I was travelin' far an' wide,

Lettin' them Socialists know they could run but they couldn't hide.

We had music an' celebrities

Tellin' us patriots what to do.

That gal Ann Coulter was a hit with the guys,

Gave 'em hot nuts as they looked up in her eyes.

I wus searchin' high an' lo for a Socialist rat.

I'd know one when I seen one,

Rush and Ann told me that.

But I never found one, God knows I tried.

They must be wearin' a disguise...

Well, I was sittin' home alone an' began to shake

Fox newsman heard them Socialists was in my cake.

He screamed "don't take another bite,"

So I threw the rest out and went hungry that night.

Damn, it was real good cake...

Just like my momma used to bake in a pan,

Before she died of cancer,

'Cause they dropped her health plan.

Well, I lost my job so I had time to kill.

Started takin' them little white pills.

You know the ones...with the crosses in the middle.

They kept me up and I was losin' sleep,

They made me jittery an' I didn't want to eat...

Which I guess was a good thing, 'cause it cut down on my grocery bill.

Well, I was watchin' TV the other day,

Fox News, I think - tho I couldn't really say.

I'm havin' a hard time tellin' one from the other.

But the story that day was all the same.

They said the president...I forget his name,

Was actin' just like Hitler, 'cept for one fact:

He hates whites instead of blacks.

Now Obama, he's a Socialist tool,

Roosevelt, Carter and that Clinton fool.

The best I can tell there's just one man

That's really a true American: Ronald Reagan.

I know for a fact he hates Socialists cus he played ball

Back in blacklist land.

Finally into the U.S. capital rolled our patriot bus.

We heard speeches an' more from folks we can trust,

Who look an' dress an' think just like us.

I hope by now our message is clear:

You're either with us or the Socialists,

And marriage ain't for queers.



Copyright © 2009 Alias Anything You Please Music

Posted by Alias