by The Hollering Mangoo
Thursday, Aug. 17, 2000 at 5:53 PM
Victims of "police profiling," two famous "Men in Black" feel the Iron Hand of the LAPD
Musicians Johnny Cash and Lou Reed were arrested by LAPD ealier today in two seperate incidences. Although neither Cash nor Reed were protesting, police said they both "matched the profile" of the notorious "Black Bloc" anarchists police claim are currently destroying civilization as we know it. Cash, often referred to as "The Man in Black" because of his fondness of dark clothing, was standing at the corner of Pico and Figuroa humming to himself picking daisies from a lawn when several riot police in full gear surrounded him, knocking him to the ground. He was then arrested although no charges were filed.
One hour later, near the Staples Center, singer-songwriter Lou Reed, formerly of the seminal proto-punk band the Velvet Underground, was sprayed in the face with pepper spray and dragged by several offices into a waiting paddy wagon. Speaking through his lawyer, Reed, famous for popularizing the black leather, black sunglasses look copied by so many in recent years, claims he was only, "Waiting for my man..." when police grabbed him and didn't even know that the Democrats were in Los Angeles.
When asked to comment on the arrests, LAPD spokesman Capt. James Roberts reached menacingly for his cannister of tear gas and replied, "Get used to it...soon all you black-wearin' motherf*ckers are gonna be joining them!!!" No further questions were asked.