{"article":{"id":117221,"heading":"Narcolepsy Scare Sweeps Southland","author":"Juanita Gonzalez","created":"2004-09-27 19:38:39","modified":"2013-11-11 00:30:52","last_modified":"Mon, 11 Nov 2013 07:30:52","article":"

In an unprecedented rapid response to the seeming outbreak of a potentially new, virulent and contagious strain of virus or microorganism causing sudden and uncontrollable episodes of deep sleep, the Department of Homeland Security ordered that patients be immediately quarantined, and teams of experts from the Center for Disease Control, the National Institute of Health, the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke, and the Stanford School of Medicine’s Center for Narcolepsy be airlifted to UCLA Hospital.

Lumbar punctures (spinal taps) were ordered to determine levels of “hypocretin-1” in the cerebrospinal fluid of the afflicted. Experts were perplexed by results showing normal levels of hypocretins or orexins. The mystery was later solved and the fear of a new health crisis dispelled when an astute statistician from the Stanford School of Medicine’s Center for Narcolepsy noticed that the one thing that all of the complainants had in common was the time when their narcoleptic episodes had occurred – between seven and eight PM on Friday evening, September 27, 2004. After ruling out exposure to chemical agents, the statistician further determined that the patients had all been listening to the radio, and more specifically to KPFK 90.7 on the FM dial. They had all suddenly fallen into deep sleep when the popular and usually fast paced show “Election Hotwire” had aired a segment called “Top Ten Reasons Not To Vote For Bush.”

The Department of Homeland Security has referred review of the incident to the Federal Communication Commission and the Justice Department to determine whether KPFK can be forced to bear the enormous costs.

###

[satire]

<\/p>\n","contact":"","link":"","address":"","phone":"","parent_id":0,"mime_type":"text\/plain","summary":"This weekend emergency rooms and doctors\u2019 offices throughout the Southland were flooded with calls and visits from distraught individuals who feared that they had fallen victim to narcolepsy.","numcomment":7,"fileurl":"\/uploads\/","filesize":null,"article_url":"\/news\/2004\/09\/117221.php"},"attachments":[],"comments":[{"id":117227,"heading":"More lumbar punctures.","article":"Just what we need.\r\nPlease . \r\nJust ten reasons? The list is huge and that would hardly cover it.\r\nToo bad, the list is nearly matched by Kerry.","author":"Eeep","parent_id":117221,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2004-09-28 00:48:25","modified":"2004-09-28 00:48:25","fileurl":""},{"id":117229,"heading":"This is just dumb","article":"I found this as a link off KPFK's discussion board. It's not funny, it's just DUMB.","author":"inLA","parent_id":117221,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2004-09-28 03:37:03","modified":"2004-09-28 03:37:03","fileurl":""},{"id":117230,"heading":"Query","article":"Juanita,\r\n\r\nDid the sudden lapses into deep slumber tiggered by the large helping of soporific drivel result in any injuries or fatalities?\r\n\r\nAll best,\r\n\r\nAmy","author":"Amy Goodwoman","parent_id":117221,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2004-09-28 04:12:24","modified":"2004-09-28 04:12:24","fileurl":""},{"id":117232,"heading":"Just Republican egos, Amy.","article":"No one was hurt.\r\n","author":"....()...","parent_id":117221,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2004-09-28 11:15:15","modified":"2004-09-28 11:15:15","fileurl":""},{"id":117233,"heading":"Republican Egos?","article":"Dear (),\r\n\r\nI doubt that you listened to the segment. It really was sleep inducing, and not because of the political content. It was just plain boring.\r\n\r\nAll best,\r\n\r\nAmy\r\n\r\n(And I'm NOT voting for Bush)\r\n\r\n","author":"Amy Goodwoman","parent_id":117221,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2004-09-28 11:50:43","modified":"2004-09-28 11:50:43","fileurl":""},{"id":117236,"heading":"boring","article":" Yeah, we need really stimulating stuff. Like how the Arabs voluntarily fled from their homes in 1948. Or how much the Russian workers are prospering under capitalism. Or how Clinton and Kerry are "progressives." Or how we should all be for capitalim because it is in accord with "human nature." Or how Israel is a tiny democracy herocially defending both itself and us from Arab fanatics. ","author":"Meyer London","parent_id":117221,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2004-09-28 15:06:23","modified":"2004-09-28 15:06:23","fileurl":""},{"id":117247,"heading":"Jumping to Conclusions","article":"It's really amazing how many readers are jumping to conclusions.\r\n\r\nThe idea of "top ten reasons not to vote for Bush" is not in and of itself boring - far from it.\r\n\r\nJust because the name of the segment holds much promise, it does not mean that it was well executed.\r\n\r\nIn this particular case, it sucked.\r\n\r\n","author":"listener","parent_id":117221,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2004-09-28 22:18:26","modified":"2004-09-28 22:18:26","fileurl":""}]}