{"article":{"id":116376,"heading":"Hammers, Velveeta\u00ae And The Blue Skinned Beast: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Adop","author":"Adam Christopher Snow","created":"2004-08-30 13:47:31","modified":"2013-11-11 00:30:44","last_modified":"Mon, 11 Nov 2013 07:30:44","article":"

London, England

28 AUGUST 2004



Lately, I have had cravings for orange soda... and I have acted on these. The pulpy ones like Aranciata and Orangina are better than the syrupy tasting Tangos and Fantas. Even though I am without a television, they got to me somehow. I have been seduced into a zombie-like subordination to the will of the Orange Fizzy.

'The Madness of King George' was the last film I remember watching on television. King George pissed blue and was mad as hell that he lost the colonies. The blue piss was a symptom of his illness -madness (porphyria, probably). I have never pissed in the blue... and for this I am thankful.

Blue piss madness. I am partial to the song \"Blue Skinned Beast\" by the British ska band Madness. An album purchased for the chart hit \"Our House\" yielded the much more challenging beast.

Here you have this medal you can even melt it down

Or frame it in the living room every time you turn around

Have a drink on me

Have a drink on me

Orange soda, King George, madness and now... Madness.

I heard you shout for yesterday, but I was sleeping on the job

And I dreamt of fighters miles away whose lives I had to rob

Have a drink on me

I put it down to the company

Three cheers to the blue skinned beast hip hip!!!

Actually, I'm not too sure if 'The Madness of King George' was the last film I saw on television. I saw parts of the original 'Die Hard' last week while in North London surfing Olympic action; but can we really call 'Die Hard' a film anymore? These days, isn't it more like a recruiting video for the US Department of Homeland Security?

Homeland. Security.

I can fly your loved ones to you

With guarantee of no return

And if John Wayne's dummy's bounce off

Don't look shocked when it comes your turn

Have a drink on me

I put it down to company

Unaided by photo albums or family super 8 films, there are just a few things that I can recall from the seven months my family lived in Trenton, Michigan.

Trenton. South and West of Detroit. Weekly excursions to Scot Lad with my mother. Eating Velveeta® cheese and crackers at the kitchen counter. Cracker crumbs. Vernors. Our German neighbor's house burning down in the night and smoldering the day after. Some kid whacking me in the head with a hammer as I played in the backyard...

I imagine it would be more accurate to write: Kraft Velveeta cheese product on crackers.

...that hammer to the head was an early wake-up call. Obviously, I had angered this kid... let's call him Bobby... I had made him angry and I haven't a clue as to why or how. Socrates would probably argue that my unexamined five-year existence demanded, at a minimum, a boot to the head. But Bobby's Thor-like blow to my tiny skull knocked me out cold.

Three cheers to the blue skinned beast hip hip!!!

To the blue skinned beast hip hip!!!

Kraft Velveeta® cheese product on crackers. The Kraftfoods website devoted to the creamy cheese-like goodness of Velveeta® provides an answer to the FAQ \"Why is Velveeta® shelf stable?\"

\"Velveeta® contains a blend of natural cheeses and other wholesome

ingredients that are cooked as the product is made. This cooking process

allows Velveeta® to be shelf stable for several months. Velveeta® is also

formulated within the parameters of the Food Research Institute guidelines

for shelf stable cheese products.\"

So, now we know. Hip hip hip hip!!!

Two weeks ago, a friend in Chicago sent me an email asking me to join in a progressive action against the current government\/ president. This invitation was preceded by others informing me of articles in the Democratic Underground, the release of 'Fahrenheit 9\/11' and MoveOn PAC's campaign to force Fox News to change their trademark \"Fair and Balanced.\"

After doing research on forwarded email messages a couple of years ago, I often indulge in the terrible habit of reading most of those that I receive. This friend... let's call her Bobbi... sends me quite a few. Usually she avoids the simple recycling of messages and often adds her own commentary. Although potentially an annoyance, I appreciate her efforts to keep me informed in a more personal way while I am studying in London. This is typical of what Bobbi might write:

\"Hello Everyone! The fund-raising tour of Bush 'Go F*** Yourself' 2004

apparently doesn't include money for education -Bush's education.

First, here's a link to a photocopy of the Party Loyalty Pledge (nice Stalinist

ring to it, don't you think?) those who attended rallies in NM had to sign:

www.democraticunderground.com\/top10\/04\/165.html#4

...Even better than this is the sound of (obviously not ass-kissing mainstream)

journalists laughing at Bush when he tried to answer a question posed to him

at a minority journalists' convention. I swear, this answer sounds like a

fourth grader's evasive reply to a question when it's clear he hasn't done his

homework. You'll love it:

www.majorityreportradio.com\/weblog\/archives\/000581.php

Enjoy!\"

With my adrenaline working overtime the day I read this message, I decided to send a reply to everyone in Bobbi's email group and offer a suggestion.

To be a proponent of democracy in times like these often means being stuck in the rut of \"at least I know what I don't like,\" and this seems little more than a comfortable place from which to wield our tiny idea crushing hammers. I don't like 45 million people being without access to affordable healthcare. I don't like where we find social security, the economy or the deficit that used to be a surplus. I don't like our government's willingness to send soldiers to war and violently impact people in countries we can't point to on a map of the world. I don't like all these things, but complaining about them does not make them disappear.

We can criticize only so much before our questions beg us to act. In response to Bobbi's message I did the unthinkable... I selected \"reply to all\" and began typing a call to action:

\"Hello everyone. My name is Adam and I am a friend of Bobbi's... sorry

for 'replying to all' but, as many of you live in Illinois, and Illinois is likely

to go to Kerry by a landslide, I have a suggestion. We should clear our

schedules for the last week in October and the first week in November and

volunteer our services to the Democratic parties in our neighboring states

(Wisconsin, Iowa, Michigan and Minnesota for those of us in the

Midwest) that are still up for grabs.

What say you? A plan?\"

Not exactly a call for revolution, right? There was more 'Mississippi Burning' than 'Reds' to my suggestion... I wanted us to do something, rather than continue to complain. The rhetoric of \"Any Body But Bush\" is not exactly critical or engaging, but the inertia of a culture of complaint -as I've already alluded to- drives me mad... mad... mad... but without the blue piss.

I heard you shout for yesterday, but I was sleeping on the job

And I dreamt of fighters miles away whose lives I had to rob

Have a drink on me

I put it down to the company

Three cheers to the blue skinned beast hip hip!!!

In response to my adopt a state suggestion, a beast of a different sort raised his gloriously knob and horn encrusted helmet-head. Let's call this beast Bob... with a heavy laboring sigh. This is what Bob wrote after he had read my message:

\"From a friend of Bobbi's who does not live in Illinois, and lives with daily

reminders of 9\/11 and [the] general political idiocy inside 'The Beltway',

kindly stay home and mind your business locally.

'Hate Bush' is not a family value, nor an intelligent means of determining

our next president. John Kerry will drive this country into the ground, and

given his own description of being [stunned] for 40 minutes after learning

we were being attacked on 9\/11, and describing himself as 'unable to speak'

during that time, I hardly think that he is a man we want in office to react

in an emergency situation.\"

Bob. How would you respond? Should one respond? Let it slide Snowman, one of my friends said.

I can fly you to your loved ones but I can promise no return

To a shell-shocked God forsaken where craters still burn

Have a drink on me

Have a drink on me

Trenton. Attending my first Major League Baseball game, a Tigers game... my father buying me an inflatable souvenir tiger on a stick. I'm not sure if it was Paws (the current Tiger mascot) or not. What I am sure of is that -like most inflatable toys- it GOT deflated pretty easily.

Deflated ideas...

\"Dear Bob. I respond to you alone because it seems that your message was

aimed particularly at my thoughts rather than the group as a whole. Although,

it must be said that by sending your message to everyone on Bobbi's list, it is

obvious that your intention was to put me in a special place: something

rectangular, made of pinewood and 6 feet under, no?

Nowhere in my message did I write anything that could be construed as an

expression of hatred towards George W. Bush. I do not \"hate\" Bush. What I

did attempt to communicate is that I do not wish him to \"win\" a second term

in office. My call to action was a suggestion that I thought might aid in

making this reality. We live in a democracy. The election in November is a

general one, not just a local one; and, as has been demonstrated the past four

years, federal decisions have the capacity to effect localities everywhere, even

localities in the Middle East and Central Asia.

As for your suggestion that I stay at home and mind my local business, I have

voted in every presidential election since turning 18. This year will be no

different.

I cannot account for the daily reminders that you have of 9\/11, or for the fact

that George W. Bush happened to be acting as president that day. Most

likely you and I spent the day in similar ways: worried, fearful, watching,

waiting, listening and praying. I thought of my four friends who work in

Manhattan and hoped that they were okay. We may have reacted differently

Bob, but do not think for one moment that we were not united on that day.

I have no idea what Kerry did the morning of 9\/11. He very well may not

have sprung to action, but how did Bush react? Isn't there a video document of

how Mr. Bush responded? How far beneath the earth did Cheney bury himself...

and for how long? Oh, the actions of our fearless leaders!

The United States Air Force began bombing Afghanistan on the 7th of October.

Was this reactionary? Yes, and devastatingly so for civilians in Afghanistan.

Was this response instantaneous? No, you and I can both do the math.

Bob, I stand beside you as someone who abhors the 9\/11 terrorist attacks on

the United States; but I respectfully disagree with your interpretation of

the events and the implication that just because Bush happened to occupy the

White House at the time he deserves to serve a second term. There is

nothing about the actions of the terrorists -or Bush's reactions- that

logically mandates an uncontested second, third or fourth term. A la Ronald

Reagan, Americans don't let terrorists (or air traffic controllers) dictate

policy.

If you believe differently, let us agree that we will disagree. Let us each then

work for our respective political interests, because this is what our democracy

is about: pluralism, debate, joining together and working to make things better.

E Pluribus Unum, baby: out of many, one. Or to quote the Reverend Al

Green, \"Lets stay together.\"

A few points of clarity are in order. I did not make this call to action

frivolously. I am a graduate student of modest income (an Illinois resident)

living and studying in London. Since January, I have made three attempts to

register for an absentee ballot and have not even received the self-addressed

stamped postcard back acknowledging my request.

Frustrated, I decided that I would save money and return home to work the campaign

the week preceding the election... and to vote. I hope and trust that you will not

have to go to such lengths to cast your vote, regardless of how you choose to

vote.

My rhetoric and invitation to Bobbi's friends was sincere and in keeping with

the extensively documented history of American political activism. If you

wish to challenge the subject of my speech or my political inclinations, that is

your prerogative, but do not accuse me of things that I have not done.

Kindest regards.\"

What I do hate is when I have to write shit like this.

Sometimes I worry about the long-term effects of that hammer to the head... and the years of cheese product on crackers. Was my call to action so bizarre?

Several days later MoveOn sent me an email underscoring the originality of my thought. The message from MoveOn went a little something like this:

\"Just because you don't live in one of the 'swing' states doesn't mean you have

to sit this election out. We're looking for 10,000 people to adopt a key

battleground state voting district, or 'precinct'. These volunteers will partner

with local residents in that precinct to contact a few hundred voters, educate

them on the issues and the candidates, and turn them out to vote...\"

Maybe it was not such a crazy crackpot hammer-to-the-head idea after all, eh?

Still the worst is over that I hope you understand

The you're one more hurdle over our protector of the land

Have a drink on me

I put it down to the company

Three cheers to the blue skinned beast hip hip!!!

To the blue skinned beast hip hip!!!

If you are interested in donating adopting a state, please contact MoveOn PAC at:

http:\/\/www.moveonpac.org\/precinctpartners\/signup.html<\/a>



Adam Christopher Snow © 2004 <\/p>\n","contact":"addamsnow@yahoo.dk","link":"","address":"","phone":"","parent_id":0,"mime_type":"text\/plain","summary":"Orange Fizzy Drinks, George III, Blue Piss, Trenton, Hammers, Madness, Vernors Soda, Forwarded Emails, MoveOn PAC, The Blue Skinned Beast, Talking Not Acting, A Modest Proposal, And Adopting A Swing State","numcomment":0,"fileurl":"\/uploads\/","filesize":null,"article_url":"\/news\/2004\/08\/116376.php"},"attachments":[],"comments":[]}