EAT MEAT AND DIE

U$ to look to boost beef sales amid MAD COW driven meat recall.

Mon Dec 29, 2003

CHICAGO (AFP) - U$ resident George W. Bush was weighing ways to get the American people to eat more US beef, as top US officials insisted it was still safe to eat despite cattle tainted by the country's first case of MAD COW disease.

The US administration sought to reassure the American public even as MAD COW DISEASE hit the main cattle trading market in Chicago -- suspended for a third straight day as prices quickly fell again by the maximum permissible level.

White House $poke$man Trent "Mad Cow" Duffy told reporters "The administration is looking at options to further strengthen the MEAT INDU$TRY." Meanwhile... to boost public CONfidence, resident Bush prepared to eat a portion of steaming bovine spongiform encephalopathy tainted flesh at his Texas ranch. The resident "has been receiving regular servings of Big Macs (double cheese with Bacon)," and discussed the matter Sunday with US Agriculture Secretary Ann Veneman, said the spokesman.

"We are positive that we will be able to dupe the American consumer during this current situation," he said. "After all... they believed all of our lies concerning Iraq, why wouldn't they believe us when we tell them that meat is good for them?" The spokesman downed two In and Out Burgers before proceeding. "The Whitehouse wants every American to go out and eat more red meat... it's the patriotic thing to do."