Advice for Fidel

by Joe Rebel Saturday, Dec. 28, 2002 at 10:50 AM

Hey Fidel, we're waiting for the invitation!

December 27, 2002
Somewhere in the Fourth Reich

Dear Fidel,

How are things in Havana?  Is the revolution going well?  Things could be better here.  Unemployment is high, fewer and fewer Americans have access to healthcare, limits on freedom are increasing, and the storm clouds of war are rising on every horizon.

I enjoy reading your newspaper.  Granma isn't exactly what I'd call a fountain of creativity, but it is an alternative to our own resident government choir that passes for a free press.  I hear your economy isn't doing well either.  Aside from your medical industry, you appear to be stuck in agrarianism.  While I realize it must difficult living under the oppression of the world's biggest bully, I don't think the embargo is the only cause of your suffering.

What you need, old friend, is a little advice.  I'm sure you have your advisors, but take a look around you, things have been pretty much going nowhere since your revolution.  Your great country has been a fountain of creativity in the form of human exports to Miami and the US has benefited.  You no longer receive the aid -  technological, economic, and humanitarian - that you once received from the former USSR.  You need to consider other options.  I have just the suggestion for you.

The best and brightest of the United States, Mr. Castro, are currently unemployed.  Due to imports of foreign engineers and scientists, American unemployment lines have experienced a ten fold increase in average IQ.  American collage students face flipping burgers rather than applying their higher education.  Dissident Americans are frustrated with the rising Bushista fascism.  Some of us would happily trade an expensive apartment in some run down American city under the jack boots of the Fourth Reich for a nice grass hut by the beach.

We could be your analog to the Miami Cubans.  You could help us set up a large radio transmitter in Havana and we could broadcast Radio Free America to the gringos back home.  From time to time we could load up a small airplane with anti-Bushista literature and invade the airspace of los Estados, dropping leaflets over the skies of Miami.  I could use a good Cuban cigar.

With an invasion of American engineers, scientists, and dissidents, I'm sure we could produce many profitable industries for your island.  Software design, development, and exportation is a win-win enterprise all around.  CubaSoft, user friendly software derived from the open source community, might be just what the world needs!

I realize there would be drawbacks.  Your way of life would have to change, but let's face it, you won't be around forever.  I doubt we would be any less provocative on Cuban soil than we are on American soil, but what has strict adherence to your Stalinist ways brought you anyway - stagnation?  Your well indoctrinated circle of power seekers would be threatened by the new blood.  I can understand that.  However, they have no future anyway.

My friend, its time to think beyond old methods and strategies.  You need to open yourself to bold new steps and the randomness that they would bring.  On your current course, you can only lose.  It would be in your best interest to make a public statement supporting America's dissidents.  It would be in Cuba's best interest to invite Bush's oppressed and downtrodden to your shores.  Give us refuge and we will give you new hope.  Give us a home and we will give you a future.


Joe Rebel