Productive Actions You Can Take to Assist Big Brother\r\nInformation is Power\r\nGive Them More Information!\r\nFlaws detected in the TIA\r\n<\/p>
The Rebel Intelligence Unit has detected flaws in the technologies employed\r\nby the Information Awareness Office. \r\nThe Total Information\r\nAwareness System lacks access to critical information sources. The\r\ngoal of achieving TOTAL information awareness is threatened! Our\r\ngovernment has asserted that total information awareness is critical to our\r\nnational security. It is with this in mind that we urge ALL Americans to\r\ndo their patriotic duty by filling in the information gaps.<\/p>\r\nInformation gaps discovered\r\n
On a wave of patriotic zeal, the Resistance dedicated half of it's budget, a\r\nwhopping $0.00 US (or $0.00 CDN for our friends to the North (yes, we got the\r\nexchange rate correct)), to uncover the gaps in the TIA. The job was not\r\neasy and the good offices of John Poindexter, despite their large budgets and\r\nthe assistance of corporate welfare delinquents, failed to detect these\r\nflaws. Accustomed to thinking outside the box, the Resistance came through\r\nand has now published its findings. The important and deplorable gaps in\r\ntotal information awareness can only be filled with the dedicated help of each\r\nand every American. Please read our list carefully and do what you can to\r\nkeep Big Brother informed!<\/p>\r\nThe Pee Pee Gap\r\n
The IAO has funded no project to detect the frequency, duration, quantity,\r\nlocation, time, and quality of American urination events. Each day almost\r\n300,000,000 Americans pee and they pee more than once per day. Increases\r\nin pee frequency and\/or volume could indicate the outbreak of a biological\r\nagent, an increase in fear (thus, terror), or an increase in laughter (for\r\nexample, following a speech by Der Fuhrer). This information is critical\r\nto national security. We urge all Americans to do their part by keeping\r\nthe Information Awareness Office informed of all urination events. We\r\nhave provided a page with instructions that can assist you in performing this\r\nmost patriotic duty.<\/p>\r\nThe Poo Poo Gap\r\n
Just like the Pee Pee Gap, the TIA is wide open when it comes to scatological\r\ninformation. Knowledge about the frequency, quantity, shape, color, and\r\nconsistency of fecal mater emitted by Americans of grave national concern. \r\nQuite frankly, a nation of unhealthy shitters is a nation in the can! \r\nUndetected outbreaks of diarrhea could lead to disastrous consequences. \r\nSuch knowledge is crucial for the detection of biological terrorism. \r\nFurthermore, a nation cannot go to war when it's people have the runs! \r\nWise leaders have always planned their battles around a healthy shit.<\/p>\r\n
Timing is important as well. Unless the TIA is aware of each and every\r\nfecal event, they could find themselves in deep shit. It is the patriotic\r\nduty of all Americans to keep the IAO aware and up to date on all fecal\r\ninformation. We urge all Americans to do their part by keeping\r\nthe Information Awareness Office informed of all fecal events. We\r\nhave provided a page with instructions that can assist you in performing this\r\nmost patriotic duty.<\/p>\r\nThe Hair Loss During Showering and Grooming Gap\r\n
Every morning in homes across our great nation, critical information\r\nregarding the release of radioactive materials goes down the drain. \r\nRadiation poisoning leads to hair loss. The typical American is\r\ninsufficiently skilled to judge the gob of hair that accumulates around the\r\nshower drain. In an unbelievable demonstration of irresponsibility, the\r\ndesigners of the TIA have neglected inclusion of a mechanism for hair loss\r\ndetection.<\/p>\r\n
This is where you come in. You can increase national security and give\r\nadvanced warning of rising levels of nuclear contamination by keeping the IAO\r\ninformed of hair loss. When showering, please note the quantity of hair\r\ncollecting around the shower drain. When combing or brushing your hair,\r\nestimate the number of hairs remaining in the comb or brush. Immediately\r\nfollowing a hair loss event, contact\r\nthe IAO immediately, using our nifty instruction set, and you will be an\r\nAmerican hero!<\/p>\r\nArousal Frequency Gap\r\n
The TIA was not designed to detect arousal events. However, sexual\r\narousal is a key indicator of human health. The release of chemical agents\r\ninto the environment could increase or decrease the rate of arousal events among\r\nAmericans. Boners or wet panties are normal, but when either occurs too\r\nfrequently or too infrequently, there could be trouble. On a whole,\r\nAmerican's are unqualified to judge the utility of information concerning\r\narousal events. These acts of judgment should be left to the experts at\r\nthe IAO.<\/p>\r\n
Gentlemen, each time you pop a boner, it is your patriotic duty to inform the\r\nIAO. We have made this important patriotic duty easy to exercise. Please\r\nvisit our page dedicated to reporting boners.<\/p>\r\n
Ladies, some men may be too shy to report their boners to the IAO. Even\r\nif they claim to be performing this patriotic duty, they might be lying. \r\nHelp the IAO verify boner information by reporting\r\nboners you notice. Not only will this increase the safety of all\r\nAmericans, it will help the IAO keep tabs on who is doing their patriotic duty\r\nand who is not.<\/p>\r\n
The duty of a female Americans does not end with boner tips. All\r\nfemales should report lubricating events as well. We\r\nhave created this custom instruction set for your patriotic use. The\r\nTIA is interested in nipple erections as well. Some nipple erections may\r\nnot be caused by sexual arousal, but you are unfit (as mere peons) to make this\r\njudgment yourself. Please\r\nreport all nipple erection events to the IAO.<\/p>\r\nConclusion\r\n
America depends upon total information awareness. Do your part and\r\nreport all pee pee, poo poo, hair loss, and arousal events. God Bless\r\nAmerica!<\/p>\n","contact":"","link":"http:\/\/www.breakyourchains.org\/be_patriotic!.htm","address":"","phone":"","parent_id":0,"mime_type":"text\/html","summary":"The Rebel Intelligence Unit has detected flaws in the technologies employed by the Information Awareness Office. ","numcomment":0,"fileurl":"\/uploads\/","filesize":null,"article_url":"\/news\/2002\/12\/23472.php"},"attachments":[],"comments":[]}