{"article":{"id":15039,"heading":"FORMER ENRON CEO HUMILIATED, MADE TO ADMIT OWN ASSHOLERY, BY","author":"some dickshit","created":"2002-02-21 00:07:59","modified":"2005-08-15 00:53:55","last_modified":"Mon, 15 Aug 2005 07:53:55","article":"

WASHINGTON, Feb. 12 - Kenneth L. Lay, the former chairman of Enron,

asserted

his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination today regarding his

role in the largest corporate bankruptcy case in American history, but in

the largely unreported \"closed session\" of his appearance before the Senate

Commerce Committee, Lay was forced to admit his craven character in

degrading and, most thought, appropriate fashion.

After the first hour of opening statements in which Senators lambasted Lay,

Senator John McCain (R-Arizona) surprised the assembly by producing a

dusky

tome of Parliamentary rules \"last used in these hallowed halls\" according to

McCain \"during the Pinkerington's Privy scandal of 1848.\" According to the

rules, stipulated to by Mr. Lay's attorney, Philip Hilder, the \"ranking

minority member of the investigating committee\" can abrogate the Fifth

Amendment rights of a witness \"within specific and proscribed parameters if

their crimes are of an odious nature, and their character of lowly ilk.\"

The committee ruled unanimously that Mr. Lay's crimes and character met

the

conditions established by Parliamentary procedure.

The \"specific and proscribed parameters\" indicate that while the witness is

not required to \"speak\" against himself, he is required to \"indicate

acceptance of truthfulness, thereof\" by raising his right hand as required

by questioning. Thereafter followed the most humorous and revealing

exchange

of day.

Senator McCain, ranking Republican on the Commerce Committee, began

playing

a rather sophomoric game of \"Hands up!\" with Mr. Lay. The Questioning

went

as follows:

McCain: \"Hands up! Who's the asshole?\"

Mr. Lay, after consultation with his lawyer, was obliged to indicate himself

by a raising of his right hand. \"Hand up! Who's a self-serving prick?\" asked

Senator McCain. \"Hands Up! Who's an avaricious, erudite corporate

schmuck?\"

After each question, Mr. Lay consulted with his attorney, and then

reluctantly raised his right hand. [See picture, here:

http:\/\/story.news.yahoo.com\/news?tmpl=story&u=\/020212\/161\/13k9e.html

]

Upon further questioning it was revealed, by hand-raising assent, that Mr.

Lay was \"a feckless liar,\" a \"bastard who willingly made millions as his

lesser employees ate dirt,\" and an \"incarnate argument for sterilization of

the wealthy.\"

A point of contention was raised when Senator McCain proffered the

challenge

\"Hands Up! Who Sucks Satan's cock?\"

Mr. Lay, looking haggard and somewhat bored, again cupped the

microphone and

consulted with Mr. Hilder, who then asked for a ruling from the Committee

Chair as to the definition of \"Satan's Cock.\" Chairman of the Commerce

Committee, Ernest Hollings, appearing mildly titillated by the question,

responded in his signature drawl, \"We all know the stain of Satan, and we

all have been awoke by the crowing of the cock, but it might be best to

leave these definitions to a higher court than the one here assembled.\"

Laughter pervaded the hearing room, and even Mr. Lay was seen to crack a

smile.

Senator McCain's time then expired and soon thereafter questioning resumed

per standard rules. Mr. Lay returned to his Fifth Amendment defense.



____________________________

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purposes <\/p>\n","contact":"","link":"","address":".com","phone":"","parent_id":0,"mime_type":"text\/plain","summary":" ok, this will b less than 6 lines.\r\n duration is as long as the piece is red.","numcomment":1,"fileurl":"\/uploads\/2002\/02\/former_enr.txt","filesize":"4.5 kibibytes","article_url":"\/news\/2002\/02\/15039.php"},"attachments":[],"comments":[{"id":15040,"heading":"of course,","article":" it sux if kenny boy is the only one to fall for all those bastards money games.... hello Carlyle Investments!!\r\n","author":"unknowdn","parent_id":15039,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2002-02-21 00:12:16","modified":"2002-02-21 01:01:50","fileurl":""}]}