{"article":{"id":11995,"heading":"Red Cross Admits It is a Terrorist Group!!!","author":"Mis-leader News Service","created":"2001-10-18 02:35:25","modified":"2001-10-18 22:11:59","last_modified":"Fri, 19 Oct 2001 05:11:59","article":"

Formal Red Cross Spokeswoman, Elizabeth Dole, reponded today to accusations by President George W Bush that the Red Cross is involved with terrorism and is harboring them in Afghanistan.

\"The man that doesn't quit, George I, is correct in his accusations and the bombing today of the Afghan Red Cross was appropriate,\" said a somber Dole.

Dole has distanced herself from her involvement with the extremist organization saying that she had been brainwashed into believing that the Cross was the Only True Path. She is now on various mind altering drugs in order to clear her head.

Bush stated that the blankets, food, and other humanitarian items inside the Red Cross were all being used to \"feed and clothe those dirty, nasty terrorists\". After the US bombed the Red Cross, it went ahead and shot, maimed, and chopped up small children in order to send a message to all would-be International Red Cross Terrorist Organization (IRCTO) members.

\"We will not accept terrorist attacks against financial and military civilians in the US. We are the only ones that can be terrorists. And, the Good Lords knows, I love to eat children,\" snickered Bush as he licked his lips, \"children are delicious.\"

So, another victory for the US today as they bombed the Red Cross to pieces and chopped up babies.

This is the end, beautiful friend

This is the end, my only friend,

the end

It hurts to set you free

But you'll never follow me

The end of laughter and soft lies

The end of night we tried to die

This is the end<\/p>\n","contact":"","link":"","address":"","phone":"","parent_id":0,"mime_type":"text\/plain","summary":"The International Red Cross Terrorist Organization warns US and tell them to KISS OUR ASS!","numcomment":9,"fileurl":"\/uploads\/","filesize":null,"article_url":"\/news\/2001\/10\/11995.php"},"attachments":[],"comments":[{"id":11996,"heading":"the horror! the horror!","article":"beautiful! please keep up the satire.","author":"i:i","parent_id":11995,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2001-10-18 02:37:51","modified":"2001-10-18 02:51:54","fileurl":""},{"id":11999,"heading":"I like satire also","article":"but isn't there a site called the Onion that would pay for it?","author":".","parent_id":11995,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2001-10-18 03:13:48","modified":"2001-10-18 03:26:11","fileurl":""},{"id":12023,"heading":"oh right, $$","article":"oh right, I forgot. Money.\r\n\r\nHey everyone, stop posting to IMC and send your stuff to someone who will pay you instead.","author":"$","parent_id":11995,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2001-10-18 12:45:33","modified":"2001-10-18 13:00:02","fileurl":""},{"id":12028,"heading":"Pay in Praise","article":" glad to hear Dole Babe is on drugs to alter her mind...\r\n a couple of key questions...\r\n are these government grade...\r\n and readily accessible??????\r\n I have a prescription right here in my pocket.","author":"dukkets","parent_id":11995,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2001-10-18 15:12:58","modified":"2001-10-18 15:52:58","fileurl":""},{"id":12033,"heading":"From Misleader News Service","article":"Hahaha, I love the money comment. Yeah, I think I can do without the money from theonion. Not very anarchist of me! They are funny though. \r\n\r\nAs for Lizzy Dole, I think she's on a mix of various substances...don't know the details. But, last I heard she was seen at an all-ages rave popping 3 e's. She's a partier!\r\nMike","author":"Mike","parent_id":11995,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2001-10-18 16:26:11","modified":"2001-10-18 17:00:01","fileurl":""},{"id":12037,"heading":"People who quote Doors songs","article":"are losers.","author":"Ray M.","parent_id":11995,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2001-10-18 17:40:20","modified":"2001-10-18 18:00:01","fileurl":""},{"id":12040,"heading":"People Who Call People Losers","article":"are losers.","author":"you","parent_id":11995,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2001-10-18 18:08:32","modified":"2001-10-18 18:32:07","fileurl":""},{"id":12047,"heading":"People are strange","article":"You are all a bunch of losers! I thought this was supposed to be a news site.","author":"allayou","parent_id":11995,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2001-10-18 20:02:26","modified":"2001-10-18 21:00:02","fileurl":""},{"id":12052,"heading":"cheer up","article":"news can be fun, too. haven't you ever read the onion? oh wait, we already went through that....","author":"loser","parent_id":11995,"mime_type":"text\/plain","created":"2001-10-18 22:11:59","modified":"2001-10-18 22:52:30","fileurl":""}]}