British Comedy Writers New Daily Spin on Hot Topics in US Media.

"Down The Bush and Blair"

If you can't beat them, don't join them. Bring them something new.

The grass is not always greener. Even when you speak the same language as "Aliens in Residence" the USA is not always an easy place to fathom. We imagine looking in from across the Atlantic has most, who are interested what the leader of the "Free" world does next, totally baffled.

Let's take the Michael Jackson trial for example, because quite frankly it's the only thing on the news in the US unless you get the BBC. Even if you forget the fact the world's falling to bits, the British government is up in arms and we've got a German pope, I'm sorry Thriller wasn't that

prolific and we love the album.

When a superstar, sorry Michael Jackson is hanging around with would be Jerry Springer guests, the witness list for the prosecution no less and the jury are finding it increasingly difficult to separate comedy from tragedy, we predict a hung jury. Whatever the outcome how can one man's decidedly strange lifestyle entrance a nation of people? Big Brother in charge and unqualified? One thing is for sure there's something fishy going on, and Michael, our advice, don't push your kids into show business.

The obvious solution to the malaze fragmenting the USA into zones, Red and Blue (black out your windows and keep your gas mask handy) is the pub in our so humble opinion. It's community that's missing because you can't buy it from a shop and rarely can you make any money off it. The church on it's own just doesn't work. Little return on investment for a start off and what do you do the rest of the week? Watch Desperare Housewives?

When you need a home away from home full of friendly and familiar faces for real you can't pop into Spacey Houses, Pannal or The Scotts Arms, Sicklinghall, two old favorites on the Leeds Road.

It is only in the pub, down the local, all men and women share equal footing, discussion with strangers is commonplace and lively debates across all walks and all matters of life are mediated and moderated by your glamorous or sometimes not so glamorous host, the landlady. Of course everyone wants first dips on any sound bite resembling juicy local scoop.

Surely though, scoop, when used correctly allows troubles to be shared, shoulders to be cried on and problems to be solved. We've seen more sorted out on a grass roots level thanks to a wip round down The Cock, Peatling Parva on a packed Friday night than any TBN collection, although the gold chairs are splendid. The pub is a vital ingredient to life and community as we know it, two things seemingly a foot here in the west.

Ta Ta For Now.

Holly and Shirley Yanez

A large Thank You to Tony Blair and his supporters for having the cobbles to stand up to the now defunct Saddam.

A larger raspberry to the socialist twits who have turned English law, and thus common sense, on its ear, and given more rights to criminals than honest citizens.