Fifteen years of lingering torment have finally ended for Terri Shiavo.

Pity the news industry.

There will be a period of decompression now as the necrophiliac media struggles to drag this story out as long as they can with stories on the autopsy, interviews with politicians still trying (like the ghoulish Rick Santorum who raced to her bedside trying to get on TV while there was still time) to ride Shiavo's bedsheets to public renown, and of course "investigations" into the continuing family strife over funeral arrangements. But eventually this story, like Shiavo herself, will pass.

Then the big dilemma confronting the American media will be: How do we fill up this massive news hole?

They can't focus on the war in Iraq because that would mean reporting on death and mayhem and advertisers, who are happy to be sandwiched between shots of a drooling patient and praying fanatics, don't like having their ads and commercials placed in that kind of grim setting. Dying white women and ranting Christians are one thing; dying Arabs and fanatic Muslim protesters are another.

They can't focus on the Social Security story because doing an honest job of it, besides being a MEGO thing, would put them on a collision course with the president. After all, it's getting pretty hard to avoid pointing out that the president's privatization scheme has nothing at all to do with the alleged Social Security funding crisis, except to make it worse, or to avoid noting that those crowds of enthusiastic supporters on his marketing tour are pre-vetted (you have to get a ticket from the local Republican Senate or House member), and bussed in.

Lord knows they can't report about the budget deficit or the shaky dollar.

Fortunately, there's always Michael Jackson, whose pedophilia trial at least has the potential to become a new OJ-like event, even if there is no Johnny Cochrane any more to liven things up. I'm just waiting for a reenactment of the famous glove scene, only this time around featuring what the Brits call a sheath. "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit," Jackson's attorney could tell the jury, as Michael tries to put it on for the court.

But absent such a dramatic moment, how much Michael Jackson can viewers take?

No, something has to come along quick to help news executives out here.

Another war would be just the thing, with all those great free Pentagon visuals of aircraft takeoffs and landings, and those lovely nighttime bomb burst displays. Unfortunately there's no military left to spare for an attack on Syria or North Korea or Cuba, and no targets left in Iraq.

Nature was kind enough to deliver another massive Indonesian earthquake, but people are tired of that story. Seen one, you’ve seen 'em all, and besides, there was no tsunami.

For the rest of this column and other stories by Lindorff, please go (at no charge) to This Can't Be Happening! .

If her brain was not functioning and she was an alleged vegetable, how in the world did this woman experience "fifteen years of torment?"

....she resided in Florida.

No, relieve me of stupid jokes brought on by a tragedy like this. My brain functions quite well; I've got four college degrees to prove it - three of them graduate degrees. Now go back to the Hillary Duff website and find out when her next concert is in your area.

Anyone noticed? On this issue BA has taken a position contrary to the one he admires so much.

Who knows what Bush's real opinion on this issue is? Or whether he even has one? The interesting thing is that BA is on one side of the issue and Ralph Nader and Jesse Jackson are on the other. That doesn't necessarily prove anything, but it doesn't say much for BA's side.

Being on the opposite side from Ralph Nader and Jesse Jackson is easy.

It's proof that I'm not a moron. Neither one of those idiots has an ounce of intellect. Glad to be perceived as 'not' like them. Thank you!!!!