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by Keanu Burge
Friday, Dec. 12, 2003 at 7:01 PM
The pathetic attendance at Saturday?s Primal Scream for Global Sanity at the Quad proved that many in the ESU student community remain woefully ignorant of real world issues. Many on campus seem completely uninterested in stopping America?s bombing lunacy, even for free veggie wraps and extra-credit points in Dr. Harmon?s sections of Critical History 1042.
Let me clue you in, Mister ?sorry dude, I can?t rage against the AmeriKKKan war machine, I got tickets for the Springfield State game,? it?s time we start asking the difficult questions. Questions like, ?isn?t this all about oil?? and ?who bogarted all my Kasha flakes?? (I know it was you, Jason.) But most of all, we must ask why America is hated around the world.
Why do they hate us? Well, duhhhhhhh.
The pathetic attendance at Saturday?s Primal Scream for Global Sanity at the Quad proved that many in the ESU student community remain woefully ignorant of real world issues. Many on campus seem completely uninterested in stopping America?s bombing lunacy, even for free veggie wraps and extra-credit points in Dr. Harmon?s sections of Critical History 1042.
Let me clue you in, Mister ?sorry dude, I can?t rage against the AmeriKKKan war machine, I got tickets for the Springfield State game,? it?s time we start asking the difficult questions. Questions like, ?isn?t this all about oil?? and ?who bogarted all my Kasha flakes?? (I know it was you, Jason.) But most of all, we must ask why America is hated around the world.
Why do they hate us? Well, duhhhhhhh.
They hate us because of our arrogance. All around the world, ?Ugly Americans? are despised for their arrogant condescension, always acting like they are somehow ?better? than other cultures. We in the peace community are always trying to patiently explain this to other Americans, but apparently they are too stupid to understand.
They hate us because of our paternalism. For much of the developing world, America is a despised father figure, an embarrassing bald 53-year old regional sales manager who ?surprises? you during Parents? Weekend while you?re completely toasted and listening to Radiohead at the dorm with the other developing nations, and then he?s all like, ?how are classes going?? and ?seeing any girls?? and ?boy, I sure wish I was still in developing nation college!? and you?re like ?shut up, Dad, you?re embarrassing me in front of Sri Lanka.? That is totally uncool, man.
They hate us because of our foreign policy. Anyone who reads the New York Times can tell you that the international community is troubled by America?s dangerous isolationism, and also its interventionism. And I?m telling you, man - nothing irritates the international community more than our reclusive, meddlesome, negligent hegemony.
They hate us because we refuse to look at the issues. The issues facing us are important, and we must put them on the table, and then examine them. Then we must reassess these issues, but obviously not before we have discussed them. Just imagine all the peace we will have after we have thoroughly understood the issues through carefully investigative rethinking.
They hate us because of our obscene greedy culture. America consumes nearly 25 percent of the world?s resources, which it refuses to share with the developing world. This, again, is like the despised father figure who drives around in a new gas guzzling Dodge Durango, and when the developing world needs more resources, it?s all like, ?what did you do with the last check I sent you?? like 0 is suppose to last an entire month. I mean, as if, Dad."
They hate us because of our intransigence. If we, as a nation, ever hope to be fully embraced by the international community, we must learn to compromise and be flexible. For instance, even though the so-called ?terrorists? guys once wanted to kill all Americans, they now seem ready to live with five or six thousand. That means they?re offering something like 99.99 percent of what we originally wanted, which is a pretty good deal when you really think about it.
They hate us because of our cultural imperialism. Whether it is ?Baywatch,? or gorditas, or indoor plumbing, America continues its shameful legacy of exporting our violent global corporate McCulture. And believe me, nothing offends the Afghanistanic people like religious xenophobia, sexism and homophobia.
They hate us because of our support of Israel. How many disco and pizza parlor bombings will it take before America wakes up and realizes that we are supporting the wrong people? Let?s face it. Israel has a long record of oppression, much like those Jewish guys at the Hillel House and A.E.Pi who are always busting the grade curve in Western Civ. I mean, come on, man. Maybe some of the rest of us want to get into law school, too.
They hate us because of our racism. So you still think Americans are tolerant? Tell that to my Egyptian-Syrian neighbor Abdullah. Since the tragedy on September 11, he has suffered dozens of hurtful stares and insensitive comments. He has been so upset over this he has almost abandoned his dream of owning his own crop-dusting business.
I could go on and on, but you get the picture. If we want to know why we are hated, we need only take a good, long look in the mirror. Well, not me ?we,? obviously. You know what I mean.
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by Meyer London
Friday, Dec. 12, 2003 at 8:28 PM
You write smug, ignorant, messages revealing your hopelessly provincial mentality and lack of awareness of how globalization, dominated by the United States, is sucking the life blood out of tens of millions of people around the world. Because your racist paternalism in likening the US to an indulgent father ant the Third World to an immature and spoiled white college student is moronic. Because you spout the same blame the victim rhetoric and cultural supremicist insults that I heard your counterparts spout in 1967. Because you defend privelege, oppression and exploitation. Got the picture now?
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by nonanarchist0631
Saturday, Dec. 13, 2003 at 11:42 AM
Thank you for proving once again you are a humorless, soulless robot whose only programming is to hate. Your Marxist masters would be proud. I can imagine Lenin shedding a tear in happiness. Of course, that tear is immediately vaporized in the hellfire in which he's roasting for eternity.
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by Meyer London
Saturday, Dec. 13, 2003 at 6:26 PM
In the unlikey event that devils and hell exist, I guess I will be joining them for not liking globalization, poverty, and exploitation of the poor. Which I guess is where I belong, since most of the people I want to be with will be there. You, Bush, General Pinochet, the Enron executives and Francisco Franco I guess will be somewhere else. Not where I'd want to be.
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by abdulles aqui dushamey-a
Saturday, Dec. 13, 2003 at 9:45 PM
what the heck is a "kasha flake"?--i'm outa tooon, dueewwwwwde!!
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by johnk
Sunday, Dec. 14, 2003 at 12:29 AM
Kasha flakes are supposedly a hippie cereal, but I'm sure no self-described primal-scream-for-peace participant eats the stuff. Real hippies eat those funny round oats for breakfast. Or coffee and cigarettes.
Dudes.... That original article wasn't even funny. There wasn't any structure, and all the quotes came across as question marks on my browser, totally messing up my experience. Am I being picky? I'm sure the target audienced didn't even notice the typographical errors and were nose-spraying kasha flakes and milk all over their keyboards from LOLing so hard.
Nonanarchist - ML doesn't lack a sense of humor; the guy's a laugh riot when you get him on a roll. You'd be funnier if you could stop sucking up to right wing pundits, and start issue put-downs that are more creative than "Marxist."
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by nonanarchist1148
Sunday, Dec. 14, 2003 at 5:03 PM
I have yet to see evidence of it. Unless you count "Bush = Hitler" references, which, I'm sorry to say, are both historically inaccurate and completely unfunny.
Hey ho.
'You'd be funnier if you could stop sucking up to right wing pundits, and start issue put-downs that are more creative than "Marxist."'
Sucking up? Is that what you call "posting an article"? Hmmm...
As for the 'Marxist" thing, it's not a put-down, per se, but a statement of fact. I have yet to meet a Marxist with a sense of humor.
ML:
"In the unlikey event that devils and hell exist, I guess I will be joining them for not liking globalization, poverty, and exploitation of the poor."
Nope. That's not the reason people go to hell. Go to a church and speak to a preacher/pastor/priest about it. Read the Bible.
Heaven and hell aren't political, Meyer. God doesn't care what your politics are.
I'll pray for you.
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by nonanarchist1148
Sunday, Dec. 14, 2003 at 5:03 PM
I have yet to see evidence of it. Unless you count "Bush = Hitler" references, which, I'm sorry to say, are both historically inaccurate and completely unfunny.
Hey ho.
'You'd be funnier if you could stop sucking up to right wing pundits, and start issue put-downs that are more creative than "Marxist."'
Sucking up? Is that what you call "posting an article"? Hmmm...
As for the 'Marxist" thing, it's not a put-down, per se, but a statement of fact. I have yet to meet a Marxist with a sense of humor.
ML:
"In the unlikey event that devils and hell exist, I guess I will be joining them for not liking globalization, poverty, and exploitation of the poor."
Nope. That's not the reason people go to hell. Go to a church and speak to a preacher/pastor/priest about it. Read the Bible.
Heaven and hell aren't political, Meyer. God doesn't care what your politics are.
I'll pray for you.
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