“How Quebec Almost Saved Iraq”
Sardonic Political Satire and Commentary
By Jonathan Dale Rapoport
Berkeley, The State of California, The United States of America
1 March 2003
“In a world where Henry Kissinger wins the Nobel Peace Prize, there is no need for satire.”
-Tom Lehrer
It was a great day when Canada’s Québécois Prime Minister Jean Chrétien held a press conference at his offices in Ottawa and declared, “The Canadian military will do everything it can to assist in the American-led intervention in Iraq.”
Well-placed Iraqi sources told “Jane’s Defense Weekly” that Sadaam Hussein was terrified.
Terrified, mortified and petrified that the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) might send elite rapid deployment units.
“I ask Allah to save me from the wrath of Dudley Do-Right,” Hussein reportedly told his Imam.
It was also reported that Canada was planning to send in THE marine.
Whatever the specifics were about Canada’s deployment, the fact is that a country that once offered political asylum to Americans who refused to serve in Vietnam was, perhaps, tacitly admitting that Canada had been proved wrong insofar as Vietnam is concerned by the Lockheed U-2 and Lockheed SR-71 reconnaissance photos of the Vietnamese communists slaughtering millions of Vietnamese “traitors” after America abandoned the people of Vietnam.
Of course American had not choice but to abandon the people of Vietnam.
When the CIA and the Pentagon told President Nixon that 1 million more troops would have to be drafted to save the Vietnamese people from the wrath of the brainwashed children of Stalin, the FBI told President Nixon that the domestic security of the United States could not be guaranteed.
The threat was not Al-Queada or the militias.
It was something much more lethal, a force dubbed the “Destructive Generation” d.b.a. “The American Left.”
Every police department, every sheriff’s department, all state troopers (d.b.a. in California as the California Highway Patrol) and every state’s National Guard were already stretched beyond their limits.
Heavily intoxicated on cannabis and LSD, even California Governor Ronald Reagan’s orders to use tear gas on Berkeley proved a waste of time for the California Air National Guard.
The FBI’s COINTELPRO counter-subversion program could not be expanded rapidly enough to deal with the subversives who were holding every city center and academic campus hostage in America.
“Out damn spots
Out I say
All the perfumes of Arabia could not sweeten this little hand”
-William Shakespeare
So Canada, with an oil harvesting industry that makes Houston more and more jealous every year, is indeed out as the Destructive Generation so eloquently cries, for blood for oil.
Perhaps Iraqi crude oil would be a strong enough perfume to sweeten the Canadian hands fouled by the blood of the millions of Vietnamese whose deaths were effected by the Destructive Generation who took their political legitimization from Canada’s position on Vietnam.
Yes indeed, Iraqi crude oil may prove to be a strong enough perfume to sweeten Canada’s hands.
In a few years, on the oil futures market, right next to Louisiana Sweet we may see a new crude called Babylon Sweet.
But only if the Canadian oil industry helps Iraq to harvest its oil so that Iraq can use to revenue to build themselves once again into a great nation that will take its place amongst the great civilized nations of the world.
Lest we forget that it was in ancient Sumeria, along the rivers of Babylon, that the first lights of literacy dawned.
Nevertheless, Canada’s military role has enraged Canada’s own Destructive Generation.
No longer will they be able to sew the maple leaf of the Canadian Flag on their backpacks when they sortie off to Thailand or down to Mexico to enjoy 12-year old sex slaves and smoke, snort and shoot whatever they can get their hands on.
The maple leaf historically allowed them to hypocritically abdicate from American foreign policy while they live under a blanket of freedom provided by the American-built nuclear deterrent on Canadian soil that is part of the NORAD system controlled at the United States Air Force Strategic Air Command’s Cheyenne Mountain Facility.
But I digress.
Back to Canada’s military role in Iraq.
Canadians hoped that by electing a pro-Ottawa Québécois Prime Minister in the form of Jean Chrétien another secession referendum by the voters of the former French Colony of Quebec could be averted.
Québécois energy concern Hydro-Quebec earned its place on the world stage when it beat Bechtel and got the contract from the Chinese Government to build the Three Gorges Dam on the Yangtze River.
When completed, it will be the largest hydroelectric power station in the world, feeding so much power into China’s electrical grid that electrical engineers around the world who are specialized in power generation and distribution are in awe.
Hydro-Quebec has leveraged the incoming revenue from the Three Gorges project to find capital to buy up energy concerns around world. One recent acquisition was Vermont Gas; approved under the watchful eyes of Vermont’s New York Jew dominated socialist leaning government. The purchase of Vermont Gas was done on an American Express card compared to other Hydro-Quebec acquisitions that are going on.
Québécois transportation concern Bombardier has given Lear a run for its money in the private jet market and is rapidly approaching Fokker’s level in the short to medium range commercial passenger jet market, having delivered aircraft to such leading world airlines as Lufthansa German Airlines.
I was impressed to find myself seated on a brand new Bombardier aircraft on a Lufthansa flight from Stockholm to Munich recently.
Bombardier also designed, engineered and built the new international train between Malmo, Sweden and Copenhagen, Denmark.
The new European-style high speed trains between Washington, Philadelphia, New York City and Boston were also built by Bombardier.
In short, the loss of Quebec could cost Canada its place in the G8.
“Je me souvieus” is engraved on the bottom of the license plate of every motor vehicle in Quebec.
“I remember,” the millions of Québécois say.
It was always a pleasure to visit Montreal during the two years that I made Burlington, Vermont my habitat.
In my frequent sojourns from my home in Vermont to Montreal, a short 90 minute drive in my Volvo, well, let’s just say that I became acquainted with a few old boys’ networks in Quebec and turned a few well placed sources.
Although it will not be in next month’s issue of “Jane’s Intelligence Review,” well placed sources inside Québécois old boys’ networks are just beginning to disclose that Quebec was given a free hand by the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS) to engage in back channel diplomacy with Sadaam Hussein.
Canada decided to hold off on sending in the feared Royal Canadian Navy, made up of a lethal fleet of sophisticated Canadian-Japanese hybrid warships.
Yes, the fiberglass fishing boats with 40 horsepower Honda outboard marine engines were ordered to stay in port at Royal Canadian Navy First Fleet Headquarters in Newfoundland.
Naturally, the native-born Newfoundland Admirals, whose genius for naval warfare is well known, were straining at the bit.
Instead another unit of the Royal Canadian Navy was deployed.
With Québécois CSIS officers onboard and loaded with furs, a flotilla of Québécois fur traders left Montreal and paddled their way up the Saint Lawrence Seaway, across the North Atlantic, through the Pillars of Hercules, across the Mediterranean and transited the Suez Canal.
The canoes paddled across the Persian Gulf unnoticed due to the huge shadow cast by the United States Navy Aircraft Carrier USS Ticonderoga.
She sailed out of her home port at United States Navy Fifth Fleet Headquarters in Bahrain with her entire flotilla in tow to provide cover for the Québécois canoes.
Upon reaching the shores of Iraq, the CSIS arranged a meeting between Sadaam Hussein and the Québécois fur traders.
“Monsieur Hussein, we have a lovely offer for you. We give you the finest furs from Quebec to keep your women warm in the cold Iraqi winter. You give us the weapons of mass destruction. We will have a deterrent against the use of military force when we finally obtain liberté for Quebec from the stinking English.”
Unfortunately, Sadaam Hussein did not accept the offer.
When official diplomacy fails, back channel diplomacy is attempted.
When back channel diplomacy fails, nations go to war.
“Modern man has a kind of poverty of the spirit which stands in great contrast to his remarkable scientific and technological achievements. We’ve learned to walk in outer space and yet we haven’t learned to walk to earth as brothers and sisters.”
-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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