BIOLOGICAL WEAPONS FOUND!

"In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam
Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies,
housing, education - anything that's needed. Isn't that amazing? He finally
comes up with a domestic agenda - and it's for Iraq. Maybe we could bring
that here if it works out." -Jay Leno

"President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like 'the rerun of a
badmovie.' Well sure, there's a Bush in the White House, the economy's
going to hell, we're going to war over oil. I've seen this movie,
haven't I?" -Jay Leno

"President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that
democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can
have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq?
We can't even get this in Florida." -Jay Leno

"President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to
wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the
American voters to become president, either." -David Letterman

"We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass
destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq.
There's just one problem - it's in North Korea." -Jon Stewart

"War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They
were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that
spells 'OIL.'" -Jay Leno

"CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three
parts ... regular, premium and unleaded." -Jay Leno

"The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we have
the support now of Britain and Spain for our attack on Iraq. You know,
when you want to make it perfectly clear to the world that you're not an
imperialist, the people you want in your corner are Britain and Spain."
-Bill Maher

"The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war.
Somehow'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular." -Jay Leno