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TRYING TO HELP

by Dennis Miller Saturday, Mar. 29, 2003 at 4:13 PM

A little help for the confused.

All the rhetoric on whether or not we should go to war against Iraq has got my little brain spinning like a top.  I enjoy reading opinions from both sides, but I've detected a hint of confusion from some of you.

Maybe this can help.

As I was reading the paper recently, I was reminded of the best advice anyone ever gave me.  He told me about the "KISS" method ("Keep It Simple,Stupid!").  So with this as a theme, I'd like to apply this theory for those who don't quite get it.  

My hope is that we can simplify things and recognize a few important facts.

Here are ten things to consider when voicing an opinion on this important

issue:

(1) Between President Bush and Saddam Hussein ...Hussein is the bad guy.

(2) If you have faith in the United Nations to do the right things, keep this in mind:  

The UN has Libya heading the Committee on Human Rights and Iraq heading the Global Disarmament Committee.  Do your own math here.

(3) If you use a Google or Yahoo search and type in "French Military Victories."

Don't be surprised if your computer panics at its inability to respond to your inquiry.

(4) If your only antiwar slogan is "No War For Oil," hire a pit bull lawyer and sue your school district for having allowed you to slip through the cracks and robbing you of the minimum education that any non-troglodyte

deserves.

(5) You can take this one to the bank:  

Saddam and Bin Laden will NOT seek

UN approval before they try to kill us.

(6) Despite common belief among some, Martin Sheen is NOT the President. He only plays one on TV.

(7) If you are antiwar and even an outright "America Basher,"

To Bin Laden you are still an "infidel"

whom he wants dead.

(8) Be careful:

If you believe in a "vast right-wing conspiracy," but not in the danger that Hussein poses, the only job you may be able to get is as an Ivy League

college professor.

(9) Even multiculturalists who try to

browbeat us into believing that all cultures are equally deserving of respect have trouble explaining the past 500 years of Islam.

(10) Whether you are for or against military action, our young men and women overseas are fighting to defend our right to speak out on these issues.

They deserve our unreserved support.

I hope this helps.

Report this post as:

deciphering truth from illusion

by Parmenides Saturday, Mar. 29, 2003 at 4:30 PM

An attempt at neocon humor?

The joke is on the American people. The theft of liberty is the story. The illusion of pandering corporate shills trying to justify massive death stikes on civilians who do not pose any threat to anyone is the lie.

Humor, as Freud postulated, is an attempt to express something that is deeply and darkly painful. The above writer is trying to use humor to convince the reader that it is morally acceptable to build and stockpile death weapons, impose American hegemony over a subjected people, and deconstruct the Bill of Rights to satisfy arms makers, Monsanto, and the oil companies.

The really funny thing is that they are so out of touch with the will of the planet and the people of this American nation.

Report this post as:

Re: Dennis Miller

by The Anarchist Watching You Saturday, Mar. 29, 2003 at 4:42 PM

Hi Dennis Miller, in an effort to help you, I thought I'd give you some advice:

Come gather 'round people

Wherever you roam

And admit that the waters

Around you have grown

And accept it that soon

You'll be drenched to the bone.

If your time to you

Is worth savin'

Then you better start swimmin'

Or you'll sink like a stone

For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics

Who prophesize with your pen

And keep your eyes wide

The chance won't come again

And don't speak too soon

For the wheel's still in spin

And there's no tellin' who

That it's namin'.

For the loser now

Will be later to win

For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen

Please heed the call

Don't stand in the doorway

Don't block up the hall

For he that gets hurt

Will be he who has stalled

There's a battle outside

And it is ragin'.

It'll soon shake your windows

And rattle your walls

For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers

Throughout the land

And don't criticize

What you can't understand

Your sons and your daughters

Are beyond your command

Your old road is

Rapidly agin'.

Please get out of the new one

If you can't lend your hand

For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn

The curse it is cast

The slow one now

Will later be fast

As the present now

Will later be past

The order is

Rapidly fadin'.

And the first one now

Will later be last

For the times they are a-changin'.

Report this post as:

Dennis

by Sheepdog Saturday, Mar. 29, 2003 at 4:56 PM

Hollywood whore.

You suck.

Hope you choke on Bush's cock.

Report this post as:

Why do shills fall in love?

by Diogenes Saturday, Mar. 29, 2003 at 5:25 PM

The subtitle on the head article on this thread should be more like: “A little confusing PR masquerading as “help”.

Just a couple of points as it is not worthy of more:

“1) Between President Bush and Saddam Hussein ...Hussein is the bad guy. “

This is a nice example of trying to get you to accept the underlying unstated premise i.e., that Bush is a good guy. Which is a “non-sequitur” - a fancy Latin term for “does not follow”. That Hussein is a Bastard is a given. That Bush is operating from goodness is shown to be untrue based upon the lie, after lie, after lie, after lie, which has been used to SELL this war, and his apparent unwillingness to seek a solution short of war or consider any solution not involving War.

The U.N. issue is a Red Herring. Bush sought a “Fig Leaf” from the U.N. only because he was trying to gather more cover for his blatant aggression.

“(5) You can take this one to the bank:  

Saddam and Bin Laden will NOT seek

UN approval before they try to kill us.”

Notice the SPIN (lie) here. The attempt to link Saddam and the C.I.A.’s “rogue” Bin Laden. It flunks the smell test.

“(7) If you are antiwar and even an outright "America Basher,"

To Bin Laden you are still an "infidel"

whom he wants dead. “

Irrelevant as to determining whether the War is justified or not. More subtle PR to get you to accept the underlying premise. “The Boogie Man is coming to get you.”

“(9) Even multiculturalists who try to

browbeat us into believing that all cultures are equally deserving of respect have trouble explaining the past 500 years of Islam.”

Gratuitous PR SPIN to encourage hatred of “the enemy”.

“(10) Whether you are for or against military action, our young men and women overseas are fighting to defend our right to speak out on these issues.

They deserve our unreserved support.”

Yes. Bring them home alive. Send in the Shock Troops of raging NeoCon Chickenhawks to conduct their own God Damned War.

“I hope this helps.”

Another lie - it should be read as “I hope this confuses”.

Report this post as:

The secret's out

by Dennis Miller Saturday, Mar. 29, 2003 at 5:31 PM

I am a simplistic moron who admits that his brain is not only little, but is also spinning like a top. Maybe I should put the crack pipe down once in a while?

Report this post as:

Please.

by Eric Saturday, Mar. 29, 2003 at 5:47 PM

I love how Diogenes, master of the outright lie, breaks it down for you and tells you how it's being perpetrated by Dennis Miller.

I guess it really does take one to know one.

Report this post as:

Eric

by Dennis Miller Saturday, Mar. 29, 2003 at 5:50 PM

Yes, Eric. You are indeed living proof of the phrase "it takes one to know one." Thanks for believing in my ignorant rants.

Report this post as:

ok, dennis the minus

by d. duck Sunday, Mar. 30, 2003 at 12:29 AM

As simplistic as it gets?

well a few others are more so....

but the miasmagoric-testosteronehinged-hormonicinduced-pelvicdriven-noncerebral peoples, at times, have their say

Report this post as:

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