by PEACE IS PATRIOTIC Saturday, Jan. 18, 2003 at 2:36 PM

With the upcoming antiwar protests on January 18, I thought the following tips might be useful in making our protests and peace movement more effective. Enjoy.

Here are some helpful tips to help you Peace protestors, in no particular order of importance:

1). Do not offend "regular" (i.e. other White mainstream) Americans. Regular Americans do not, cannot, and should not hear anything which challenges their Christian-like belief in American Goodness.

2). Be sure to repeat the phrase "Peace is Patriotic" until your mouth is sore. Bring lots and lots of Flags.

3). Be nice to Cops. Cops are our friends. They protect us. Just because a cop wants to tear gas, pepper stray or rape you with a broomstick does not make him a BAD GUY. Remember 9-11, the NYPD are heroes. Maybe bring some coffee and donuts for them.

4). Make sure to condemn and demonize Saddam, Kim Il-Jung, or whoever is the latest Hate Figure this week. This is to assure the Regular American that we are just as Patriotic as they are--if not more so. Remember, we hate Saddam, Kim Il Jung, Goldstein, etc... just as much as CNN or Fox News does. We believe that we Americans have a God given right to decide and overthrow the government of other nations and countries at our choosing--though we don't believe war is really the best way to go about it.

5). Distance yourself from any Radical Leftist, Anarchist, Communist, Socialist, or other person who refuses to listen to us, the Obedient Opposition I mean Patriotic Peace people. These Radical groups are very, very dangerous and should be Red-baited, attacked, and demonized as Saddam/Kim/Goldstein apologists at every opportunity. Please read articles by David Corn in The Nation, Todd Gitlin in Mother Jones, or Michelle Goldberg in for excellent examples of how to do this. Again, this will score points with Regular Americans and also prove that "Peace is Patriotic." Embrace Conservatives and Republicans. They are much better coalition peace partners because they are Patriotic like us.

6). Make sure not to question or challenge any of the fundamental issues or terms of debate as determined by the War Party. For example, even though we oppose war, we believe that this war really is about WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION or FIGHTING EVIL TERRORISM and not--repeat NOT--about American geostrategic control of oil in particular or expanding American Imperialism in general. These are all just crazy wild CONSPIRACY THEORIES, as Tony Blair has recently assured us.

7). Make sure to frame the anti-war argument in order to appeal to American self-interest. Do NOT base your arguments against war on some Moralistic or Principled basis. Instead, use arguments such as: Attacking Iraq will destabilize the Middle East and possibly overthrow our Client states in the region. Or that attacking Iraq will create more anti-Americanism and might actually cause Arab people to kick our Empire out of their region. Or that attacking Iraq will create more terrorists and recruits for Al-queda, even though we have been covertly funding and sponsoring Al-Queda throughout the world (such as the Balkans) for years. Or that attacking Iraq might actually kill a few American soldiers--as opposed to the millions of Iraqis we have already killed the past decade.

8). Or if you do base your anti-war argument on some Moralistic principle, make sure it is some depoliticized Religious one such as "Thou Shalt Not Kill." Invoke the Bible and Jesus alot. Use vacuous phrases like "What would Jesus Do?" Wear a goofy, spaced out, "I am a holy religious pacifist (and you're not)" smile on your face.

9). Make sure to report any Radical who even slightly deviates from the above regulations. Especially dangerous are "Anarchist" youth who might try to destroy Private Property or Government buildings. Destroying property is VIOLENCE-and is morally just as bad as bombing the shit out of entire nations around the world. These people should be fingered, hounded out of the march, or preferably turned over to our Friends, the Police, at every opportunity.

10). And finally, remember one thing: PEACE IS PATRIOTIC! ;)

Here are some articles on the Officially approved Peace groups that our Free press is promoting. Refusal to join them will immediately put you on John Asscroft and John Poindexter's hitlists: