The Battle Hymn of the Republicans

by Ben Dover Thursday, Oct. 11, 2001 at 4:04 PM

Everyone else is writing bad song parodies, so I couldn't hold out any longer.

Fuck Me, Hallelujah

Tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic."

WARNING: this one is BAD!

My TV sees the fire and the yellow, blue and red

The flag waves over pictures that are meant to give me dread

The pundits drone on doom until I cannot use my head

It looks like we've been FUCKED!

Chorus:

Fuck me, fuck me, Hallelujah

Make a stupid shit my ruler

Fuck me, fuck me, Hallelujah

I've bent and spread my ass!

The frat boy calls it "Crusade," no one told him that word's bad

And so Rumsfeld runs to Egypt when the people there get mad

And the airlines get my taxes till it feels like I've been had

My God, but we've been FUCKED!

Ch.

"Unite behind the president," the people all do say,

"Though he may be a stupid putz, he surely knows the way,

The government he overthrew was in the USA,

So he knows that we're FUCKED!"

Ch.

A kinder, gentler war it is in old Afghanistan,

Most likely also in Iraq, Sudan, and Pakistan,

And also in Tajikistan, Somalia, Iran -

The world will soon be FUCKED!

Ch.

Bin-Laden hides in tunnels paid for by the CIA

While plotting more destruction to bring down the USA

Some writer called it "Blowback," but I don't get a BJ

It feels more like we're FUCKED!

Ch.

The movies made Apocalypse look like good teenage sex

When buildings fell on people we knew that it was FX

They never showed the bodies, and the stuff PG rejects

Our body parts are FUCKED!

Ch.

Jesus died to make men holy, but we die to take their oil

We have funded their fanatics, all for Russia's plans to foil

We protect their evil monarchs, while the common people toil

Then we ask why we're FUCKED!

Ch. and drop from exhaustion.

Original: The Battle Hymn of the Republicans